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Welcome again everyone to the ONLY column on Lethal where we’re not afraid to take Mexican lucha libre head-on, inch by inch, covering it with the warm appreciation and analysis before it showers us with its sweet entertainment. This week’s banner is a product of serendipity due to one of my *other* intense interests. Turns out there’s a whole website (link not safe for work) dedicated to masked debauchery and perversion, and frankly after seeing so many masks of luchadores I watch week after week all over this page, I think it was the first time I’ve ever seen something that made me cringe and get wood at the same time. I suggest clicking on that link after you’re done reading, because sitting with your legs crossed gets uncomfortable after a while. Tokage’s World Perspective: United States: Kenzo Suzuki debuted this past Thursday to a collective raspberry noise from the world. All the talent in Japan...SOME OF THE WORLD'S FINEST PROFESSIONAL WRESTLERS IN JAPAN...and Kenzo is their big pick. You know a wrestler can't be that great of a worker when his finisher is a lame STO "but he grabs his head! That's amazing!" If there is anything positive to come out of this, it's that perhaps ol' Vincenzo will see the contrast between him and, say, Ultimo Dragon, and find out that sometimes to really appreciate an elegant lady you have to bang a few skanks first. But anyway, the main page is full enough of cynicism and bitching, so let's get to something I can talk about and smile while doing it. Felino is the one to introduce us to the show this week and telling us to stay tuned to the best wrestling in the world. He's in action this week with his brother Negro Casas and Satanico in the main event. Both he and Negro are also brothers to AAA/TNA star Heavy Metal, in case you wanted to know (and you didn't most likely). But first we have all the entrants to the University of Los Guapos at some public pool, getting ready to train. El Koreano was talking smack about how Los Guerreros del Infierno were better than Shocker, but quickly puts on his other face when Shocker himself shows up, telling him that Los Guerreros robbed them of the tag titles, etc. Shocker briefs them on what they plan to do today, but Ke Monito (that's how CMLL officially spells it apparently) interrupts to show that he's debuted his new t-shirt proudly boasting that he's "10% Guapo". After that, Shocker starts them all off taking turns doing 100 meter laps of Australian crawl. The swim IN their masks! Wet leather and vinyl cannot be comfortable. Everything goes well, but then the students notify Shocker that 1 luchador has failed to take his turn, Tigre Metalico! He's extremely hesitant to get in the pool, and is then pushed in to the pool. But the poor fool just flaps around and shouts "I'm drowning!" After getting rescued, and then spitting out a bunch of water, his explanation? "The thing is...cats don't know how to swim!" As bad as that joke is, the fact that they actually go through with it makes it kind of funny again.
Tecnicos: Volador Jr. (captain), Alan Stone, and Virus vs. Rudos: Zumbido (captain), Super Crazy, and Violencia FIRST FALL: Zumbido and Volador start. Vola turns a lockup into a waistlock, Zumbido reverses it into a hammerlock, Vola rotates it into a keylock, Zumbido turns it into an arm wringer, Vola rolls through and arm drags out of it. Zumbido gets his own arm drag, Vola leg sweeps him on the charge, covers but Zumbido shrugs him off, another exchange of arm drags, Zumbido tries a snapmare but Volador lands on his feet. both tag in Super Crazy and Virus, the former shoulder blocks the latter. Crazy lays in he boots, but when he tries to run to the ropes Virus trips him. Virus reverses a whip to the ropes, leapfrogs over Crazy as he tried to slide between his legs, then tries a sunset flip, but Crazy rolls out of it, then Virus dodges his dropkick, bounding off the ropes and scoring one of his own. Crazy tries another shoulder block, but Virus grabs him by the hair and gracefully slides him head-first underneath the bottom rope and onto the floor. Tag to Stone and Violencia steps in. The run the ropes a little bit, and Stone rebounds, rolls over Violencia's back and arm drags him, tries it again, but Violencia anticipated it and moves out of the way. Alan reverses a cross-corner whip, charges, but Violencia back body drops him over and onto the apron, where he lands on his feet. Violencia turns around and gets a springboard cross-body block. Violencia gets up and boots him in the gut and then hits the ropes, but as he approaches, Alan kicks the back of his thigh and he goes flying leg-first through the first and second rope. Alan follows him out with a tope suicida. Zumbido and Volador are in, Vola misses a charge in the corner and bonks himself on the turnbuckle. Zumbido and Crazy double team, whipping Virus into Volador. They whip Virus to the corner, and Virus catches himself and leaps up and over, landing behind Zumbido as he charged, but Crazy promptly dropkicked him out of the ring. There's some running about from everyone and Volador scores a quick hurracanrana rollup to pin the captain Zumbido. FALL WINNER: Tecnicos SECOND FALL: Zumbido and Volador start off again with a shoving match, Volador hits the ropes, and Zumbido hits a lariat. They exchange a few chops, Zumbido ducks one, and then beans Vola with a left. Zumbido tries a whip, but Vola reverses it and hiptosses him. Zumbido rests against the ropes, Vola charges, Zumbido ducks and throws him up, but Vola lands on his feet on the top rope, backflips back into the ring, then hurracanranas him out of the ring. As Zumbido tries to get back on the apron Volador hits an enziguri that knocks him back off, following it with his trademark quebrada. In the ring Violencia and Crazy use the power in numbers to get the best of Alan Stone, hitting a double boot, then both grabbing a leg, lifting him up and dropping him onto the mat several times. Virus comes in and the rudos go to town on him, too. Zumbido puts him in a fireman's carry and slams him down, setting him up for two consecutive moonsaults from Zumbido and Crazy. That gets the three count and on elimination. Violencia then gets Volador Jr., slaps him in a seated abdominal stretch and that gets the elimination and fall. FALL WINNER: Rudos THIRD FALL: Well, since I can screen cap things this week, I should at least have the generosity to let you catch a glimpse of this. Grrrrowl. The rudo gangbang continues as Crazy had Alan Stone in the tarantula as the other two were punching him. Crazy and Zumbido step out, Violencia knocks Stone out of the ring and Virus comes in. He gets a thrashing from Violencia, and Volador attempts to make the save but gets snatched by Violencia and hit with a top rope forearm smash from Zumbido, among other types of strikes. Crazy executes the rolling leg grapevine on Vola, who rolls out of the ring as gallant Virus re-enters the fray to be totally dogged by the rudos until he gets whipped into the corner and ducks as Zumbido charges, causing him to fly out of the ring, and the other two tecnicos come to his aide. Neat spot as Volador attempts a leg lariat on Crazy, but gets caught, and Zumbido springboards off the second rope into a dropkick/side slam combo. That only gets 2 as Stone breaks up the pin. Zumbido takes care of him with some chops and kicks, but when Zumbido whips him to the corner he does the Flair flip onto the apron and comes back in with a springboard sunset flip, but Zumbido rolls out of it, and Alan moves out of the way of the dropkick. Stone hits a senton splash for a 1-count. Chopfight that Zumbido wins with another huge left handed strike. Alan reverses a cross corner whip, but Zumbido leaps over the turnbuckle and lands on the apron, then mounts the top turnbuckle, but Alan stops him and looks to go for a superplex, but Crazy gets under Alan and powerbombs him off the turnbuckle, taking Crazy with him! Volador then comes off with a big splash from the turnbuckle onto Zumbido and covers for the pin as Crazy covers Alan, but Virus and Violencia break up the respective predicaments. Face-off between Violencia and Virus, Chopfight, Violencia sends Virus to the ropes but he catches him with a hurracanrana for a near-fall! Virus then tries for a wheelbarrow-type position, but Violencia sits out into a face-crusher. Violencia covers for only 2. Vio whips Virus to the corner but he hops up onto the top turnbuckle and hits a high cross-body, only to get a dropkick in the back of the noggin from Super Crazy as he gets to his feet. Virus rolls out, and Violencia looks for a dive but Alan Stone catches his feet and trips him, then drags him out of the ring for a little discussion on chest-chop technique. Crazy interrupts with a tope con giro on Stone. Virus steps on the apron and may try for a quebrada, but Violencia chops him in the back and stomach and arm drags him onto the concrete. In the ring Volador scores another cross-body on Zumbido, Zumbido whips him to the ropes and then dropkicks him in the back as he tries the handspring, then hits the fisherman's brainbuster for the three-count. FALL AND MATCH WINNERS: Rudos MOMENTOS ESTELARES: Lo Impresionante (impressive): Mano Negra Jr.
hitting a moonsault suicida as one of Los Rayos Tapatíos hits a tope suicida. Before the main event, we see a video where Averno and Mephisto catch Olimpico outside as he goes to train, and they stop to talk to him to tell him that they respect his change to the rudo style. Olimpico says they have a right to be suspicious of him because he's hung out with Satanico a lot, but he says that this change to rudo is best for his career. The agree that their common objective is to defeat Satanico, and they decide to train together to coordinate strategies.
Tecnicos: Felino (captain), Negro Casas, and Satanico vs. Rudos: Olimpico (captain), Averno, and Mephisto FIRST FALL: Huge brawl to start. Averno chokes out Negro against the ropes as Olimpico does likewise to Felino. Olimpico whips Felino and then the Feline on the Pine haha (*SMACK*). There is a car alarm going off inside the arena. It's only appropriate because Averno and Mephisto are stealing the show! I WILL KILL YOU WITH BAD JOKES IF I DEEM IT NECESSARY! KILL YOU! The triple team isolation begins with Felino, who gets a double reverse elbow from A&M, another spinebuster from Olimpico, A&M slide out of the ring, drag Felino out and cradle him so he's just outside of the ring, then drop him as Olimpico hits a baseball slide right to his chest. Strikepalooza 2004 goes on in the ring with the rudos crowding in on Satanico. A spinebuster followed by this unique triple team submission and Satanico is eliminated. Negro Casas steps up to accept the inevitable, gets some chops in the corner, and a hiptoss from Averno. It's all over when Negro is put into the wheelbarrow and given a triple face-crusher, then covered for the three. FALL WINNERS: Rudos SECOND FALL: All three rudos are holding Felino down and Olimpico appears to be undoing his mask, and the refs are admonishing him and delivering a count. Satanico and Negro come to make the save but Averno and Mephisto occupy them for a little bit. Negro is being particularly feisty as every time Mephisto knocks him out of the ring he runs back onto the apron to get smacked off. He even runs to another side of the ring, but Mephisto follows him, and Negro pretty much just says "fuck it" and stops. Satanico is the recipient of more brawlage and beatage. He tries to fight back, so all three are roughing him up to subdue him. They whip him to the corner and he gets two lariats and one reverse elbow...in a pear tree. Felino is in gets whipped to the corner, and it must be the allotted time period for tecnico offense as he dodges a charge from Olimpico, Mephisto charges but Felino ducks and he accidentally lariats Olimpico, then Sata and Negro start cleaning house on A&M. Olimpico goes outside, Felino is on the apron, and misses a somersault senton, but gets right back up to his feet to intercept Olimpico and powerslam him onto the concrete. Negro and Sata whip Averno and Mephisto towards each other, but they reverse, and Negro and Sata play a little doe-see-doe and turn right back around at them. Both score spinebusters, Satanico traps Mephisto in El Nudo to pin him as Negro locks in a sharpshooter on Averno for the simultaneous eliminations and fall victory. FALL WINNERS: Tecnicos THIRD FALL: Felino and Olimpico are the legal men, and Olimpico makes no bone about starting the fall as he blasts Felino with a shoulder block then whips him into a lariat. Olimpico throws away what appears to be the lace from Felino's mask, then back him into the corner and lays a couple of chops. Olimpico whips him to the opposite corner but Felino catches himself, moves out of the way as Olimpico comes, but Olimpico manages to control himself as well, and just turns around a connect with another lariat. Crowd shot switch! Gee we sure missed you, ol' buddy. Now Satanico is whipping Mephisto the the corner and following. Mephisto leaps up and just his legs out onto Sata's head, but Sata just yanks him off the turnbuckle and drops him like he's hot. Oh snap, it's on now, Satanico tears a HUGE hole in Mephisto's mask! Mephisto does NOT take kindly to this, and unleashes a flurry of chops that knocks Satanico out of the ring. Mephisto leans our to jaw jack at him, but Satanico just pulls him out of the ring. Mephisto gets him in a side headlock and looks to ram him into the ring post, but Sata pushes him off and he's the sole collider. Negro and Averno continue the action inside the ropes. Averno decides THE SINGLET IS COMING DOWN, and Negro engage in a game of bloody titties (it's like bloody knuckles only...you can figure the rest out.). Negro tries a lariat but Averno blocks and Negro appears to have hurt his forearm. Averno tries his own lariat, but Negro backbends away from it, then as Averno rebounds off the ropes dropkicks him in the shin. Averno charges again but gets back body dropped onto the apron. He blocks a punch from Negro then hooks him in a front facelock, lifts him up but Negro floats over onto his feet on the apron. Averno tries to attack, but Negro grabs his arm, spins him around, then hits an inverted DDT on the apron! Averno looks...incapacitated...but don't let that stop Satanico from hitting a senton onto him from the apron! Felino dropkicks Mephisto out of the ring, and will he dive? No! It was a diversion so Negro could nail him with a seated senton! Oh no, the refs are all distracted, so Olimpico can impunitively go ahead and knee Felino right in the wing-wong, UNMASK HIM, lariat him down, then cover him so the ref can turn around and count that dirty 3-count! FALL AND MATCH WINNERS: Rudos ¡VIVA LA LUCHA! Tokage |
