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 So Snipa and I had this great idea. We would write a Wrestlemania point/counterpoint post. We'd say who SHOULD win and why, as well as predict who would win. Then I didn't hold up my end. I would love to have a great excuse, but I don't. I mean I was busy...but fuck that, he held up his end and I didn't hold up mine. Period. So he e-mails me his half. Then Wrestlemania happens, and here we are days later. I'm at one of my jobs (teaching college) and writing this while my students are reading, "The Most Dangerous Game." So what the fuck am I going to add to this? Snipa did his thing. It would be stupid of me to do the SAME thing since it's over. My cousin didn't even have time to put in his predictions in this great post. At this point I must say that I won the predictions at the Wrestlemania party I went to. I'm the man! I'm the man! I'm so bad I should be in detention! I'm the man! I've decided to do this -- put what Snipa wrote on here, do the HTML coding shit, then figure out what I'm going to write. Does that sound good? Okay, my comments are in italics Snipa's are everything else. We'll see how he did with his predictions and shit. ----------------------------------------------------------------- When Clyde asked me if I wanted to do a Wrestlemania preview with him, I jumped at the chance. Mainly because it's hard for me to get motivated without someone else on my back. That and Clyde’s the smartest guy here when it comes to wrestling, and I suspect my predictions are going to look rather silly next to his. Plus, the more I hang out with him, the more I can pretend that I was there when he saw Daffney’s magnificent breasts. Daffney has great tits. Those horrid bikini pics she did for vixxxxxxxen's doesn't do her justice. NICE. FUCKING. TITS. And her ass is like a ripe peach. A ripe peach I wanted to put my dick into. Snipa is too humble about his wrestling knowledge. Look. I wrestled, yes. I ran a school and booked a promotion, yes. But the fact that I was IN the wrestling business doesn't mean I'm a genius. Quite the opposite, actually. As far as I know, here’s the format. We’ll each comment on who we think should win the match, and who we think will win the match. That’s a big difference. Edge v. Mick Foley (Cactus Jack) Who should win- I’d like to actually see Mick Foley win a match at Wrestlemania, or even win a match in a feud. The guy’s been used as a doormat by too many heels looking to move up to the big time. After he made HHH into a believable heel, they’ve had him repeat the action with Orton, and now with Edge. I’d like to see Foley get his “Wrestlemania moment” without having to actually die in the ring. Who will win- Edge will win the match because Foley has entered the Brooklyn Brawler level of enhancement talent, and Edge has some potential to maybe be an upper tier heel (Course, I’ve been saying that for about 3 years now). Foley will get some good spots in, but he’ll fall pray to some sort of elaborate hardcore machinations, and get put through a flaming table. That match was not only great, it did everything it was supposed to have done. Made Edge look better, gave Foley a great match to make up for many of his last few that sucked, and left a body fluid all over Lita's mouth. Is it just me or is Lita getting to be smoking hot again. I found myself wanting to fuck her fake boobies and make her call me Esse Rios while a shook the water off of my greasy hair onto her. Man I'm horny. College girls begging you for advice and knowing your wife is going to pick you up soon and you can go home and break the bed with her is a dangerous combination. Bear with me. Or masturbate to what I said about Lita earlier, sinner. Torrie Wilson v. Candace Michelle Who should win- I have a sneaking suspicion that this one will end up a lot like the Goldberg-Lesnar match from Wrestlemania XX. Both of these ladies will not be useful to the WWE any longer, so they will likely awkwardly roll around a bed for a few minutes, then Austin will Stunner them, drink beer, and pose. But Candace Michelle should win because she doesn’t remind me of Paris Hilton. Who will win- Bladders of America as everyone gets up at the same time. But I’ll pick Candace Michelle because she has a little more usefulness to the company. There's always one match that gets thrown to the lions, and this was that match. Fucking terrible shit. At least when other Wrestlemanias had a match they KNEW was going to blow, they'd find something redeeming for it. Bundy elbow dropped a midget. A MIDGET! Booker T. & Sharmell v. Boogeyman Who should win- Booker T. because he is clearly a better wrestler and Boogeyman can get by on appearance alone. He doesn’t need a Wrestlemania win. Who will win- Boogeyman after a wormbath for Sharmell OR a Sharmell turn on Booker T. to completely confuse everyone and make us wonder if Russo is back to his old writing ways. Fuck, Snipa was dead on here, wasn't he? This was a fucking terrible match. The overall Wrestlemania was very good, but this match was bad. REALLY bad. Boogie sucks in the ring. Sharmell? Doggy style. Yeah, I'd fuck her doggie while she ate out a different Nitro girl who would keep winking at me and rubbing her tits. Have I mentioned the college girls I teach? Chris Benoit v. JBL Who should win- Chris Benoit should win simply because he can outwrestle JBL and maybe he’ll bring some class to the US Title by beating challenger after challenger. Who will win- JBL since he should’ve had the US Title to begin with. Think of all the wonderful vignettes that he can film when he is the champion of the United States. Fucking Snipa. He knows his shit. Benoit is a fan of "Rancor" have I told you that? And Woman was still with him when I met THE MAN WHO LOVES RANCOR, BENOIT. I remember watching Woman when I lived in Hawaii. My fantasties were different then. I had just hit puberty. I think my fantasy was to see her in the Princess Leia slave girl get-up while she told me how powerful my half-elf mage/fighter character was. Chris Masters/Carlito v. Big Show/Kane Who should win- The big guys should win this match easily, with some heel communication thrown in for good measure. Wouldn’t be surprised if the long-awaited Carlito face turn occurs after this match. Who will win- Carlito and Masters will win the match and the titles to delay Carlito’s face turn yet another month or two. They have to do something with Carlito. He was over after the Elimination Chamber match, and when he announced the MITB, but then they had him lose his qualifying match, and put him in this thing. Tag titles are a major step down. Snipa is right in that they ARE doing something with Carlito. Not a great opening match for Wrestlemania, which has had some doozies in the past. They made Masters look fucking weak as hell by having him bump so much. Carlito's a bigger star than the other three put together ALREADY, in spite of being a goof his whole WWF career. A sign of a great performer. Mickie James v. Trish Stratus Who should win- Mickie James because that’s the way the storyline has been booked. And psycho Mickie makes for some interesting television now, just imagine when she has the Women’s Championship. Who will win- Mickie James. Trish has held that belt about as long as RVD held the ECW Television title. It’s about time they put it on someone else. I’m still shocked that they have booked the women’s division ten times better than anything else right now. Someone teach Mickie how to NOT fuck up the first and last major spots, and you're in good shape. Even with the flubs, it was up there for match of the night. This is the first time the women's match at Wrestlemania has been worth a shit, and further cements not only how good Mickie James is (especially gimmick wise) but further establishes Trish as the best woman's wrestler perhaps ever. Both of them boobie fucked, double facial. Did I mention that my wife is coming to pick me up at work so we can get home together faster? Money in the Bank match Who should win- Lashley should win this match easily. He’ll throw around the lighter guys, and Finley shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Lashley’s got the Ahmed Johnson push right now, I could see Vince giving him the win to advance the character and make Smackdown interesting. Who will win- Ric Flair. Since HHH is all but assured the WWE Title tonight, Ric Flair will get his title shot so we can play up the “One More Run” angle. I don’t like this simply because if Flair wins the WWE Title at some point, that’s just one more time HHH is going to have to win the title before he retires with the most world title reigns. Sometimes the answer is so obvious it's hard to see. RVD was the right choice, and RVD won. That's been such a rarity in wrestling, that it's nice to see. I would not boobie fuck Flair. Though I will keep sucking his dick. I LOVE YOU NATURE BOY! Undertaker v. Mark Henry Who should win- Undertaker. It’s Wrestlemania and Taker’s had his working boots on lately. There’s no way that Henry wins this. Who will win- Undertaker, although I almost said Mark Henry because the WWE likes to piss me off. They wouldn’t have Orton beat Taker last year when the storyline would’ve meant something, so why not let Mark Henry break the streak. Then I realized it’s Sexual Chocolate we’re talking about. Talk about saving a match with spots. If it wasn't for that over the top rope dive and the tombstone, this match would have gone down with Wrestlemania XX's Undertaker/Kane match as among the worst of Taker's career. Shawn Michaels v. Vince McMahon Who should win- Shawn Michaels. There’s no way a roided-out 60 year old man should beat a 40 year old homosexual. It just doesn’t happen. Who will win- Shawn Michaels. Although I am interested to see if there’s some Bret Hart interference in this match. If there is, the only thing that works is Bret beating up both of them and then walking out. I doubt this’ll happen, but it is Wrestlemania, so never say never. Were they turning HBK heel there? It is funny that an offshoot of this match was how great the Spirit Squad have become. Am I on the bandwagon? No. Unless my wife is named Bandwagon. Then I'll get on the bandwagon later and BREAK MY BED BREAKITBREAKIT AHHHHHH HORNY Rey Mysterio v. Randy Orton v. Kurt Angle Who should win- Randy Orton should win the match. Before you call me a fanboy, let me explain. Orton’s character is the only one with any momentum going into this match. Rey lost his title shot at the last PPV, and was only added because Teddy Long felt sorry for him. Kurt Angle’s been a decent champion, but he has zero storyline to go along with the World Title. Orton’s been on a tear, defeating people, interfering left and right, and finally getting back to being as over as he was before he first won the World Title at Summerslam 2004. Who will win- Rey Mysterio. I doubt that Vince would have two heels win the big belts at Wrestlemania. Wrestlemania is a time for the fans to be happy. At the end of the night, we’re supposed to see the faces stand triumphant in the center of the ring. And since HHH is going to win, we can’t have Orton winning the belt as well. Angle’s merely in this match, so he could retain, but Mysterio has the better storyline attached to this, so he’ll walk out with the strap. I wonder if they’ll make this the main event. Snipa thought Orton should have won. Man, that's a fan. Orton should be touring with his band "Swedish Chef" right now, not selling CDs. That's what should be happening. It's what Eddie (and most of the Diva search finalists) would have wanted. HHH v. John Cena Who should win- HHH. The John Cena experiment is over. Changing him from an edgy heel to a face who can barely wrestle and talk on the mic has killed any chance the guy had of staying over. Sure, he’s beloved by the 11 year old males in the audience, but those are an ever-decreasing number of the WWE’s fanbase. Cena has been getting booed since his feud with Chris Jericho for God’s sake. The fans do not want Cena as their champion anymore, I think because he has won a lot of matches by the skin of his teeth. The plucky face getting a roll up out of nowhere to defeat the dominant heel only works for so long before it gets boring. Who will win- HHH. There’s no scenario I can picture that results in Cena retaining the title. Hell, if he did that he might even get booed. If Cena was a better wrestler, I could almost see this match having a double switch in it, but HHH’s determined to stay a heel no matter what, so I doubt that’ll happen. I suspect HHH wins the title, gets more cheers than he should, and Cena is shuffled down to the mid-card where he can get some credibility back. AND WILL SOMEONE PLEASE DESTROY THE SPINNY BELT?!?!?!?! I'm thrilled Cena won. I'm also thrilled that I don't know what's going to happen. When will Cena lose the belt? Will they turn him heel? Will he eventually face RVD? At One Night Stand Electric Wrath of Boogaloo Khan? Shit, the fact that I DON'T clearly know tells me that Cena winning was good, and the right move. Cena is a work in progress, and the fans are going from being loud backseat drivers to pushing their way behind the steering wheel...and I love it. |