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 Hello fellow Warriors and welcome to something to keep me distracted while the TNA pay per view is on, The Last SmackDown Recap on the Net. I'm Disco Dave, still reeling about being snubbed for the pro bowl for the tenth straight year. Fuck you, fans! In the news this week, The Heart Throbs were released by the WWE this week. Wait a minute.... This isn't news. When was the last time these guys were on TV anyways? In fact, I'm pretty sure they appeared less than half a dozen times on Raw. The WWE would wish them well in their future endeavors, but when asked to comment on their release, nobody in Titan Towers could remember them. But the WWE did point out that their release and the fact that the episode of Byte This taped this week where they acted like jackasses never even made it to the internet are completely unrelated instances. Yep. Compleeeeeeetely unrelated...... The Mama Benjamin heart attack angle that aired this week apparently happened out of necessity. It appears that the pig playing Mama has some sort of health issues in real life (stomach cancer, indigestion, something...) and will require time off. Now we've all seen the Mama Benjamin angle. Do you really think anybody would have wondered or cared why she wasn't around on TV anymore if they just dropped her angle altogether? Oh, and the staff and readers of Lethal wish her all the best of luck blah blah blah please don't die you poor Nell Carter ripoff..... Here's one for the 'grasping at straws' file. WWE apparently made an attempt to have no-name baseball player AJ Pierzynski appear at WrestleMania 22. AJ is the same doofus that was at a TNA pay per view with Dale Torberg. I'm sure the money would have been worth the three fans that remembered him showing up on the competition. I think even Toby Keith had a better match than AJ. One of the SAT's was stabbed and mugged in New York. He and another wrestler were approached by three thugs and asked to hand over the money. Mr Tough Guy decided to start swingng and managed to get stabbed several times. Didn't Shawn Michaels' (fake) assault in a parking lot years ago teach him anything? He touched the lives of the folks in TNA so much that they didn't even mention him on tonight's show. Gotta make a brother feel loved. That's enough news for now. On with SmackDown. The show starts with a recap of Rey Mysterio Jr thanking a dead man for letting him win the Royal Rumble. Randy Orton busts in and mocks Rey Rey and his dead little friend, then challenges the midget to a shot at his number one contender spot. Later that night Orton pins Mysterio in a tag match to prove he is the better man. Matt Hardy vs John Bradshaw Layfield vs Orlando Jordan vs Chris Benoit Fatal four way match for the number one contendership to the US Title Booker T makes his way to the ring to take in the festivities. Benoit pairs off with JBL while Hardy and Orlando go at it. Hardy gets an early cover before being tossed outside. JBL and his former houseboy work over Benoit. Jordan gets a cover. Hardy is back in for a minute before returning to the floor the hard way. Benoit attempts a sharpshooter on JBL, but Bradshaw kicks out. Benoit goes for the crossface but Orlando makes the save. Hey, Hardy is back to make a quick cover for one on Orlando. He gets a cover on Benoit as well. Hardy meets the steps outside courtesy of JBL. Jordan covers Benoit for two in the ring. Orlando covers JBL after Benoit German suplexes Bradshaw. Orlando tastes the crossface for a second before JBL breaks it up. Hardy is kicked to the floor (again) while Benoit DDTs Jordan. Benoit drops to the floor to help Hardy beat on JBL. Bradshaw is fed into the steel steps. Jordan climbs the ropes where Benoit chops him to bits. Benoit hits the superplex then sells his own head damage. After the break, Benoit is covering Jordan for two. Benoit returns to the crossface but JBL breaks it up quickly. Bradshaw shoulders Hardy and Benoit before dropping a few elbows on Benoit. He covers off of a major elbow drop but Hardy breaks it up. Hardy gets a cover off of a neckbreaker. Hardy suplexes Benoit and covers for two. Hardy hits another neckbreaker followed by a flying elbow to cover for two. Bradshaw DDTs Hardy and covers with rope leverage. The ref catches it. Jordan and JBL double suplex Benoit. Hardy gets the same treatment. Orlando holds Hardy so JBL can hit the clothesline from hell. Orlando covers for one. JBL breaks it up and covers for two. Benoit delivers some chops to JBL followed by three vertical suplexes. Jordan then takes three Germans from the little guy. Benoit signals the end and hits a flying headbutt off the ropes on Jordan. Bradshaw breaks up the count. Jordan hits Benoit with a facebuster and Bradshaw makes the cover. Jordan breaks that up and they argue. Jordan flips Bradshaw outside, then covers Benoit for two. Hardy hits Jordan with the side effect but walks into the crossface. Hardy taps and Booker freaks out at having to face Benoit again. In the back Booker is throwing a fit. Teddy Long wanders up and tells Booker that Benoit has earned another shot at him. Booker has nine days to get his ass in shape to fight. No more replacements or substitutes. Fight or forefit. Elsewhere JBL and Jillian are walking. The nobody announcer comes up and JBL screams at her. He says that he should have won that match and he should be fighting for the US title. Bobby Lashley wanders in and challenges Bradshaw for No Way Out. Jillian accepts for Bradshaw, who looks a little worried. In another corner Matt Hardy is crying over his injured arm. MNM mock him but Milena sends them on so she can talk to him. She makes an attempt to recruit him to her 'winning team'. She leaves him with the thought - You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours! Josh Matthews is with Mark Henry and Daivari. Daivari bitches out Matthews about mentioning Kurt Angle. Henry says that Angle knows he can't beat him, so they go ahead and gave his title shot to The Undertaker. Mark promises to take out Taker (just like he did Batista) later tonight. MNM vs whoever.... Before the match Milena speaks. MNM are issuing an open challenge to any two superstars to take a shot at them. To the suprise of nobody, Kendrick and London rush the ring. The only way they get TV time is with open challenges and jobber matches. Mercury applies a hammer lock to London. London reverses and puts Mercury's arm in a scissors. They trade rope runs and flips before London gets a quick two count. Kendrick is tagged in and he works on Mercury's left arm. Nitro makes the tag in and he punches out Kendrick. Spanky hits a tilt-a-whirl head scissors, followed by a monkey flip off the ropes. Kendrick gets a cover off of a dropkick. London bounces into the ring with a dropkick. He misses an enseguri and Nitro is tagged in. London gets a cover off of the dropsault. Kendrick is in to double team suplex Nitro. Kendrick follows Nitro outside where Mercury joins in also. London suicide dives on the lot of them. Back in the ring Kendrick gets a two count off of a flying cross body. Nitro sends Kendrick out to the floor. He is fed back into the ring and whipped into the corner by MNM. Mercury hits a back breaker and stretches Spanky. He knees his way out and manages to tag London. The ref doesn't see it so Paul is sent back. MNM hit the snapshot for the win. Randy Orton has some solo TV time to 'set the record straight'. He has something to say in regards to his comments on Eddie Guerrero. Last week Randy said that... Aw fuck it. Let's roll the clip! They show a clip of Orton saying that Guerrero is in hell. They come back live and Orton is gone. Suddenly he is on his way to the ring. Maybe.... They play his music and Orton drives in with a lowrider. Orton says that he didn't necessarily mean it when he says that Guerrero is on hell. He doesn't know where Eddie is, but he used Eddie's name to get Rey Rey eating out of the palm of his hand. It pissed off Mysterio so much that he put up his title shot. He promises to beat Mysterio and go on to WrestleMania to meet his destiny. It sounds like the crowd is chanting 'We want Bret'. I don't get it either. Orton says that he brought out the lowrider for a reason. For the last week he has had to listen to people call him a piece of shit for mocking Guerrero last week. Orton says that Eddie was no saint, and he holds up Eddie's book as proof. Mysterio attacks Orton out of nowhere. Officials try to stop it but Rey Rey is shoving them out of the way. Orton meets the steel post and he leans against it looking dead. Rey Rey dropkicks his head against it. Randy hits the floor out cold and a trainer checks him out as we go to commercial. Helms slams Nunzio to the mat off the start. Helms sends Nunzio out to the floor and stares down a watching Kid Kash. Nunzio returns to make a quick cover. Nunzio chases Helms to the outside. Cole cuts in with a pretaped segment to brag about the ratings. Helms throws Nunzio around like a rag doll. Nunzio takes a vertical suplex followed by a flying cross body from Helms. Shane covers for one. He applies a rear naked choke while yelling at Kash. Nunzio fights up but takes a neckbreaker from Helms. Nunzio hits a tilt-a-whirl head scissors followed by a swinging neckbreaker for a two count. Nunzio hits a back suplex. Nunzio misses a rope dive and takes a jawbreaker. Helms hits the shining wizard and the match is over. In the back the nobody announcer is with Palmer Cannon. She asks him about the merger but he shurgs it off and gets excited about The Juniors. They all rush in but are quickly overshadowed by Ken Kennedy. He parties it up with them until Paul Burchill slices his way through a screen dressed as a pirate. He says 'Hello' in his limey voice and the crowd is silent. Next up is a Juniors tag team match. The first team combines to weigh 210 pounds, while team number two weighs 140 total. I'm pretty sure the smaller ones are children. The littler ones are making a mockery of the larger guy. The second larger one is tagged in and he is made a mockery of too. Out of nowhere Finlay rushes the ring with a shelaleigh and clears it out. One tries to escape over the barricade but can't make it. Finlay brings him back into the ring and hits his finisher on him. He grabs a mic and says that he takes his shit in the ring seriously. He don't care how big or small you are. He is Finlay, and he came here to fight. Out in the parking lot Booker T and Charmin are still throwing a fit about Long making him fight. They open the trunk of their car and it is full of worms. Charmin throws a fit. Mark Henry vs Undertaker Alright folks. This one is all about the workrate! Although we get a commercial after Mark Henry's entrance, we are still treated to a full length entrance from Undertaker. We had to do something with those three unwanted minutes of TV time. Undertaker has Henry in a headlock off the start. Henry no-sells a shoulder block off the ropes from Taker. Henry applies a headlock. Henry runs the ropes and blocks a Taker hip toss before doing one of his own. Taker runs the ropes and takes a nasty clothesline. Henry looks to squash Taker on the ropes but the dead man moves and Mark falls to the floor. After the break, Henry is beating on Taker outside the ring. Undertaker throws Henry through the steel steps. Taker throws some punches to knock Henry stupid. Undertaker drops the guillotine leg drop across the neck on the apron. Dead man covers for two. Taker works on Henry's left arm then goes OLD SKOOL!!!1111 Undertaker hits a flying knee in the corner, but Henry is still standing. Undertaker goes for a splash but Henry catches him in a bearhug. He carries Taker across the ring and beats on him in the opposite corner. He slams Undertaker and covers for two. Henry headbutts Taker to the mat. Daivari chokes Undertaker as the ref is distracted. Henry beats down Undertaker on the floor. Taker is driven into the apron. Back in the ring Mark covers for two. Undertaker fights back with fists of fury. Taker hits a running clothesline in the corner. Undertaker grabs the throat but takes a knee to the gut. Undertaker hits a flying clothesline off the ropes. Taker hits the chokeslam and Daivari ushers MNM out from the back. Daivari takes a chokeslam. Taker grabs both MNM for a chokeslam but Henry stops it. Angle runs out from the back and Germans everyone except Taker. He attacks Henry again but is chokeslammed. Undertaker knocks Henry out to the floor. Undertaker looks at the title then hands it to Angle. Teddy Long makes a token appearance to book a handicap tag match against Angle and Undertaker for next week. Not a stellar show this week. They should have had Finlay really fuck up one or more of The Juniors. Teddy Long and his stupid crowd pandering match making appearances are well beyond annoying. Mark Henry and Undertaker are just a vacuum of heat waiting to ruin a future pay per view. That's all for this week. Tune in next week when Teddy Long makes five appearances to make shitty matches for both later in the show as well as the pay per view. He's worse than Foley for cheap pops. Disco Dave - It's the Zoloft that keeps me from killin y'all! |