Reefer Badness #4: Moonwalker

Now that everyone’s favorite melty-faced pederast is dead, the entire media world is forgetting all the nasty things they used to say about Wacko Jacko (Dead-o Jacko just doesn’t sound right.)  Not us!  The good doctor found us a copy of Moonwalker, which is about as close to being a movie as my abs are to being a six-pack.  The entire “movie” is a 90-minute WTF moment, honestly.  Hard to tell which is more horrific, the claymation bunny or Joe Pesci, and yes he is in this.

 

moonwalker

 

We were knew were in trouble immediately, the ghost of Michael Jackson knew what we were up to and tried to sabotage the camera.  As we began filming, the camera lens fogged up.  I’d love to say it was a hazy cloud we created, but MJ was once again going for a cover up.  But even he too couldn’t take the strangeness that is Moonwalk and soon cleared the way for the rest of the video.  That’s what happened, I swear to God!

 

We really thought this was a movie.  A movie movie.  A real movie.  What it wound up being was a strange combination of his music videos with some extra scenes filmed to bridge them.  Well, “bridge” is hardly the term I would use since nothing makes sense in the first place. 

 

The strangest/scariest scene goes to the entire claymation/real world-but-still-claymation scenes.  One scene will be entirely claymation and the next you see real people walking around with giant heads that looked like their claymation counterparts then go back and forth.  Even Jackson gets involved with a rabbit suit he wore to get away from a couple of fat guys on a bike who I’m sure wanted to eat him, not get an autograph.  I can’t even try to make any sense of this.  It leads into the video for “Leave Me Alone” if that helps.

 

The Smooth Criminal portion is easily the best, but even that part is incredibly bizarre with Michael Jackson wishing on a star and transforming into a car reminiscent of a DeLorean (going WAY beyond 88mph) and even later transforming into a robot after Pesci bitchslaps a little girl over and over.  You definitely didn’t want to piss him off when he was alive.  But now that he’s dead, I proclaim it “Bitchslap a Five-Year Old Day” today!

 

The surface of this thing cannot be scratched, CANNOT!  You must witness it for yourself, and I’m sure you’ll be just like the Doctor and myself, speechless in many portions.  We were in such awe of what we were being shown, it blew our minds.  I’ll let you finish that joke…

 

Moonwalker Part 1

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm001-801804.html

Moonwalker Part 2:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm002-801824.html

Moonwalker Part 3:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm003-802350.html

Moonwalker Part 4:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm004-801879.html

Moonwalker Part 5:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm005-801926.html

Moonwalker Part 6:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm006-801938.html

Moonwalker Part 7:

http://www.break.com/usercontent/2009/6/rbm007-802358.html

 

– “Smooth Criminal” Shaun, Dr. Huutrz and Wife of Dr. Huutrz

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