This time I reach into the box and bring some culture and class to this place with a look at the finest Asian films…alright, I lied. I bring to you a sample of how fucked up OTHER countries can get. And people think we’re sick…
Synopsis: A couple of inmates escape prison and meet up with a group of Yakuza sent there to meet them outside a forest. However, after pissing each other off, some are killed and the rest run into the forest after one another. Problem is the forest is home to an inexplicable force that resurrects the dead. Zombie Yakuza, kung fu fighting, and a centuries-long battle ensue.
Review: Years ago when I started getting into Japanese horror movies, becoming bored with average American horror standards, I’d read about this movie “Versus” and how good it was even with its incredibly small budget. Usually a small budget means automatic shit, but the rare movie comes along where the filmmaker uses his imagination and makes the budget work to his advantage as much as possible. And this movie rocks as a result.
I’d try not to look at him either.
Just to get the bad out of the way first, the acting isn’t so hot. Some of the actors are just fine, but there’s a few bad ones and one really cheesy one especially. The less said about the two cops on the hunt for the inmates the better. The American voice acting doesn’t help at all, but I’d rather watch it sub-titled anyway. I’m probably in the minority on watching movies sub-titled but that’s just because 99% of the time the dubbing is fucking awful.
The story is way out there but it works for this movie. To try to describe it might frighten people away for being stupid, but I’ll risk it. The basic idea is that there are two guys who are fighting over a girl, and have been for centuries. Because there hasn’t been a decisive victor, they’ve continued the battle after being resurrected over and over. The one who kills the girl becomes immortal. The bad guy tries to kill her but the good guy fights to protect her. It just so happens this time around one of them is the prison inmate and the other is the Yakuza boss. Where the “Forest of Resurrection” idea came from I have no idea, but anything that gives me undead Yakuza is fine by me!
Try not to look happy to be alive again or anything, jeez.
The action is pretty sweet and it’s gory as well, as long as you can find the uncut version. Stabbings, gunshot wounds, even a punch through someone’s face, I loved every bloody second of this. I’m guessing the budget went more towards the effects than anything, certainly didn’t go to the actors.
Overall: Small budgets don’t always equal crap. Most of the time, sure, but not this one!
Rating: 8/10
Synopsis: A Japanese talk show host takes a group of co-workers to investigate a snuff film that also involves her. Care to take a guess what happens to them?
Review: It’s been a while since I’ve seen this but it still holds up well if you’re into gory slasher movies. Like any other Japanese take on a film standard, it takes a unique twist with this one being the killer offing everyone using traps, kinda like Jigsaw will wind up doing in the Saw films 15 years later. Which will be something I get into in just a few minutes.
The story is very simple to follow, though it’s also shallow after the initial story set up at the beginning of the film which takes all the characters into an old army base. Y’know, it’s always a good idea to investigate things on your own instead of calling the authorities to do it instead. Regardless of which country a slasher comes from, everyone’s fucking stupid.
And with that, here come the traps. The killer, dressed in black with a cape like he’s a villain from the 40’s, has traps set up and sets them up as he goes along, depending on where people are and how he wants to kill them. One guy sits in a chair and large spikes shoot out of it turning him into a fleshy pin cushion. One girl gets abducted and tied to a column waiting for someone to enter the room. There’s a wire attached to the door and when someone comes through it, and they do, a machete comes down and gets imbedded into the girl’s skull. That’s one of my favorite kills; this movie is very gory and should bring a smile to any gorehound though it may be disturbing to some.
I’d go for the “splitting headache” joke but…oh, I guess I already did.
This goes and on and on until the end comes about. Here’s the spoiler if you want to avoid it but if not, here it is and it’s a doozy! After the retarded heroine is alone with the killer, he’s revealed to be an alien, of which bursts out of his head and a fight with a tentacle creature ensues. Who couldn’t see that coming? I’d love the combination to the drugs they used to think this up for a finale in a slasher film.
Overall: It’s a ridiculous foreign gore film that gets a little boring in the middle part, but I couldn’t help but enjoy it up until the end. But then again the Japanese love to laugh in our faces by making nonsensical movies. It’s a wonder I never review hentai movies.
Rating: 6/10
Synopsis taken from Wikipedia: Structurally, Gozu is a succession of bizarre scenes sandwiched between a storyline involving Minami’s search for his brother Ozaki that is reminiscent of the episodic quests in Greek Mythology. These scenes are often comedic and disturbing, approaching a sort of cartoonish perversity and gross-out humor that is comparable to the films of John Waters.
Review: Why’d I copy the plot synopsis from Wikipedia? Because I didn’t fucking understand this movie one bit! All I could gather was it was about a guy searching for his missing brother, never once thinking he’d find him crawling out of a woman’s cooch. Yes, a grown man somehow crawling out from between a woman’s legs. Takashi Miike, you’re one sick bastard!
Talk about loose…
I don’t know if I can properly write about this, it’s just one strange sequence after another. Anyone can make a movie like this, come up with a very basic storyline, get real fucked up on hallucinogens and try to remember what you saw after you woke up and string it all together. That’s all I can say about this, honestly. The most brilliant part of the movie comes at the end, where after almost TWO hours of this nonsense, the movie ends with some old guy laughing at you. Roll credits. Brilliant! Fuck you!
Overall: Oh Christ, my head…overall? I guess it’s a movie. That’s all I can say.
Rating: 1/10
Shaun
Rearry rearry ronery