Coming Attractions for 03/17/09

Another week, another preview.  This week features a gory comic film, some vampire movie for pre-teens and another Ben Kingsley movie you’ll wind up avoiding.  Oh, and I discover the italic button.



Probably one of the bigger bombs of last year (indeed, the worst release EVER for Marvel including Howard the Duck), but what do you expect when you release a hyper-violent film so close to fucking Christmas?  Godammit Lionsgate, you should’ve known better!  Many signs pointed to this movie being the ultimate Punisher movie for fans like me.  There were plenty of signs pointing to it being a huge turd too, but we looked away, didn’t we?  And because I’m such a Punisher fanboy, I still look past its shortcomings.  Jigsaw’s a joke, Microchip is in it (but at least can be properly hated since he’s played by Newman), and the dark comedy that’s so well done in the comics comes out all wrong in this movie.  What it gets right is Frank Castle, the look of the comics and the violence.  I love Tom Jane’s take on the Punisher, but Ray Stevenson really is Frank Castle.  He doesn’t talk a whole lot, he’s built like a motherfucker and he’s makes you believe he can take out the mob, which he does in incredibly gory fashion.  The movie is plagued with problems but I still liked it.  But I’m a biased son of a bitch.


My Take:  Personally I’m buying the Blu Ray (albeit used, it ain’t worth 30 bucks), but for anyone who isn’t a hardcore Punisher fan, I’d stick to renting it and shut your brain off to enjoy the ride.


Rotten Tomatoes:  24% 







A movie about an underage necrophiliac and a vampiric pedophile?  Yeah, sign me up for that!  Based on a series of popular novels, this blockbuster at the box office comes home where I can watch it for free instead of paying to see it on the big screen.  And thank God for that, half an hour into this piece of shit, I turned it off wondering how in the hell this made like $150 MILLION.  It’s things like that and the success of Paul Blaaaaart that have made me lose faith in the movie-going public.  I mean, I go see shit, but I expect shit.  People go to these cause they think they’re good.  Your opinions are wrong people!  Wrong! 


My Take:  I couldn’t finish the damn thing.  It sucks so bad, yet people love it.  There’s nothing I can do to stop this juggernaut.  I’m just going to hide under a rock until this whole thing blows over.  Until the next one comes out.  Fuck.


Rotten Tomatoes:  49% 

So about half the critics agree with me and the rest are completely wrong.










I almost remember when Ben Kingsley made good movies.  But the last one I can remember was Species but I can only remember two things from that movie:



 Moving on, the movie is about a man with commitment issues as all of his relationships with women are quite short.  He eventually meets a woman who makes him question why he does what he does but he still has a hard time coming to grips with trying to change his lifestyle.  A weepy drama for the women and the homosexuals out there.









Perhaps you are all homosexuals?


My Take:  Good, but kind of a depressing film.  You’ll probably have to talk to the woman about it afterwards though.

Rotten Tomatoes:  76%







Here is another documentary about the corporate evils of using oil.  Over a year ago I watched a documentary called “A Crude Awakening” and it was really good, very interesting.  This film really covers just about every fact of our dependence on oil.  Real, scary and will make you think, but after a while you won’t do anything about it, will you?


My Take:  Definitely worth a look.

Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t say shit about it.  Yet.














Shaun didn’t try very hard to watch Twilight.

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