UFC 153 – Bonnar Really Wants To Go Through With This? Feat. Cruelty

Sup folks, there’s a UFC PPV, so you know what time it is. This card is sneaky good with a lot of young talent. We may of lost a killer main event, and a potential awesome 205 fight, but WE GOT ANDERSON SILVA!! So let’s move forward, I’m italics, Cruelty isnt, LETS GO!!!

Cristiano Marcello over Reza Madadi – Round 1 Submission (RNC)
Ok this card is going to be rough in terms of writing previews, because these guys are “local talent” beyond the normal level of “local talent.” The local part is the part that’s beyond. They are VERY local. It’s like when you name an obscure band called “Brazilian fighters” of which people know like 5 that aren’t R-word Gracie, and these are NOT the five, these are deep cuts. Maybe we’ll see some new blossoming talent but usually Brazilians just fight like crazy people so we’ll hear Rogan say “WILD WINGING punches” a minimum of vinte e quarto times. Cristiano is very one dimensional bjj, but it’s pretty good bjj. Reza fancies himself a bit of a grappler himself, but I don’t think he’s at Cristiano’s level. I’m gonna out on a limb (on a tree of “who cares about this fight”) and say Cristiano straight-up taps him.

Cristiano Marcello over Reza Madadi – UD
No TUF guy to jerk the curtain? This already doesnt feel right. Reza has two things going for him tho, 1 the cool name “Reza”, along with being from Iran, where some of the craziest folks come from. I mean, you read Iron Sheik on twitter right? Leaning Marcello to win the UD.

Luiz Cane over Chris Camozzi – Round 3 JD
Oh hello, I kinda care about this fight. Both guys showed a little bit back in their first UFC runs, and I’m curious to see how they’ve grown. Now that I’m older and my biological clock is ticking, I’m more interested in seeing how young people develop and change. Cane is the more impressive and I like him in a style matchup. He uses his length well and I think he’ll bust Camozzi up a little bit, then get taken down. Camozzi is not an impressive wrestler so I don’t think he’ll have enough top-position time to overcome the striking damage in front of an anti-Camozzi crowd. The Brazilians will hate that terrible grenade tattoo of Chris’ because they know the only cool tattoos are 1) your last name across your upper back 2) a pitbull. Truth.

Chris Camozzi over Luiz Cane – TKO Rd 1
Speaking of twitter, I’m tempted to lean more Camozzi’s way because he follows me. I’m that easy to sway folks. Loved Cane when he first got into the org, but he has poor head movement and “Offense is my defense” only gets you so far at this level. Camozzi catches him early and finishes with shots on the floor.

Sergio Moraes over Renee Forte – Round 1 Submission (RNC)
Sergio is a bjj champ and he takes crazy striking runs at a guy. This is a “winging punches!!!” fight, but it shouldn’t be long because who the fuck is Renee Forte. He has no hope of being even the second coolest Forte with Matt and Jean still kicking around out there. Wait… is Jean Forte free yet? Ok nm don’t Google that, who cares. Sergio is going to get an ugly takedown off a wild punching exchange, and tap the UFC virgin like Jean greeting the fresh meat in the showers. (I assume all prisoners rape, right?)

Renee Forte over Sergio Moraes – KO Rd 1
Moraes is a sub guy but Forte trains with the Nog’s so I think he should be ok ground wise. Forte has a bit of pop in the gloves, and I think he catches Sergio coming in. The real question is “Will Nog come out and corner this kid an hour before he fights?”

Diego Brandao over Joey Gambino – Round 1 KO
Didn’t Joey Gambino run with Fat Joe and Big Pun? His name couldn’t sound more like a mid-90s rap name. Gambino has the natural punching power you’d want to go with that name, a herringbone necklace, and a bad leather jacket over a tight black tee. (I watched Project Runway right before this preview and it shows) Diego is also a brainless madman only suited to fight for a living. No way this fight goes out of the first round, and whoever loses may need to be put down lest they try to return to normal society. Picking at random who lands the punch that ends it…. Diego.

Diego Brandao over Joey Gambino – TKO Rd 1
To piggyback off of Cruelty and Terror Squad, I bought The Beatnuts “Stone Crazy” yesterday at Rasputin’s for $4. I cannot get over this. Goddamn this album is slept on. Goddamn, Gambino is a cool last name. With “Reza” on this card as well, is it possible for us to have MORE COOL NAMES coming up? Will Cocoa Crisp be fighting? Anyways, Diego will be Diego, throw looping Wanderlei bombs, this dude will eat a few, then lay down.

Gleison Tibau over Francisco Trinaldo – Round 3 JD
Francisco gave Delson Heleno a tough time getting a takedown, and really roughed him up in the process. This may be seen as a test of Tibau’s takedowns (they’re good) and I see him getting that takedown. He’s still hitable if he can’t but Tibau can at least exchange blows with Francisco at this point, because his striking has improved. I’m vaguely interested to see how this turns out. If Tibau gets knocked out trying for a takedown, Francisco might be a bit of a prospect. If that td defense wasn’t what it looked like vs Delson, it’ll be another blanket attack win by Tibau. My pick is in the first line so there isn’t exactly suspense, OK? I predict blanket.

Francisco Trinaldo over Gleison Tibau – UD
Shit, Tiabu is creeping into my “40 Fights Will Fight Anyone Anytime Any Weight” class. His stand up has improved a ton, but I think this may be Francisco’s break out fight. I think he stuffs takedowns, lands bombs in close quarters, and wins all 3 rounds.

Rony Mariano Bezerra over Sam Sicilia – Round 2 KO
This poor Brazilian kid in the stupid Jason mask is very charming because it’s so clear he’s living the dream. He came out to fucking Staind last time, with tears pouring down his face. He didn’t know how trite that was, he was genuinely in the moment and fought an inspired fight. He throws very wide punches that are surprisingly accurate, and Sam will be happy to bang with him, so I’m picking a dramatic finish and more tears… that will not be as annoying as you think.

Rony Bezerra over Sam Sicilia – UD
These last two fights are really fucking good. I was thinking of skipping this card to go out, now I’m reconsidering. This is a pick ’em fight, both guys got KO power, Sam has a bit more pop, but Rony is a bit slicker, man this could be fireworks. Leaning Rony to snag two of the three rounds, but if either cat ends up slept it shouldnt be surprising.

Demian Maia over Rick Story – Round 2 Submission (RNC)
I like Rick Story as an offensive fighter, but his td defense is not the best, and I’m not sure I pick him to win this fight on top. Maia has crazy sweeps and I think you have to avoid the ground to beat him at any weight class. Maia lost to Weidman because he fought stupid and his cardio was shit at the new weight class. I think he’ll have the cardio stuff worked out, and like him to run grappling game on Story.

Rick Story over Demian Maia – UD
Another solid fight. Torn on this because if Maia can get this to the mat it could get ugly quickly for Story. However I think Story may be able to power out of some of those sub attempts and keep this standing, where he has an advantage. Story is good at making fights ugly, and he’s going to do it here as well.

Phil Davis over Wagner Prado – Round 1 TKO
The rematch nobody gives a fuck about? Davis is a prospect but his striking is not coming along like I hoped it would. This time it shouldn’t matter, because Prado boxes like a caveman and he’s going to leave himself open to takedowns. Davis will eventually force Prado to turtle-up, then he’ll land a long string of those punches that sorta hit the gloves and don’t have TOO much power but the ref’s still gotta stop it.

Phil Davis over Wagner Prado – TKO Rd 1
Davis is still on the cusp of being a star, and also on the cusp of blowing it. I’m pulling for the kid. Can Prado keep the fight standing, make it ugly, and steal 2 rounds? I’m thinking he wins this fight with a quick take down, followed by a tie up, then G & P.

Jon Fitch over Erick Silva – Round 1 TKO
Silva has a crazy career going in the UFC but Fitch is about the best, and he’s going to shut down all the bullshit. Fitch will take Silva down immediately, and pound him for 2ish minutes before the stop. I know Silva countered Brenneman but Fitch is the better MMA grappler and he’ll dominate. Good old Jon Fitch… just hanging around until GSP goes up to 185 after ASilva goes up to 205. Is that happening this PPV? Drama!

Jon Fitch over Erick Silva – TKO Rd 2
I’m wondering if Silva can use Fitch’s blanket technique against him, and catch him with a sub off his back. Silva isnt a slouch, but I dont think he’s been in with a grappler like Fitch. Silva’s best chance is probably on the mat tho. Fitch will ragdoll him, wear him out, and finish with G & P around the end of the 2nd.

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira over Dave Herman – Round 1 Submission (Kimura)
Dave Herman is ridiculous, so this fight is bound to be fun. Nog is coming off a nasty armbreak loss, and a brutal combo-punch victory. Herman is coming off a bunch of fights where his cardio was a disaster, he got busted up by 2nd tier fighters, and a serious variety of chest and facial hair. The hair is the wildcard with Herman, the cash grabber attitude and shit cardio will be a lock. Nog must feel like he has something to prove after his loss to Mir… by submission. He had to have thought he was the better sub fighter, and now he’s going to try to prove a point by tearing Herman’s arm off. Please note that I hope Herman taps and Nog is not strong enough to tear anything off. Ew.

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira over Dave Herman – Sub Rd 1
Should I cut and paste my last 4 “Nog shouldnt be fighting anymore” posts to save myself some time? You guys all know how I feel. And you cant use “I want to fight in Brazil” as an excuse Nog, you already won there, in a fight that got a bit messy for you. Even Fedor figured it out, Nog. Can we get one last armbar, then call it a career? Please? YOU HAD YOUR ARM SNAPPED IN 2 FOR FUCKS SAKE, BY A GUY WHO COULDNT OF TOUCHED YOU 8 YEARS AGO. Cant Dana give you a job doing PR for the UFC in Brazil full-time? They did it for Iceman here. Nog gets clipped, I nearly shit my pants, he secures a sloppy takedown, and we see shades of the old Nog as he wraps Herman up quickly.

Glover Teixeira over Fabio Maldonado – Round 1 Submission (Armbar)
Fabio has nice combos, but really lacks the power to put a vet like Glover away. Glover is going to get a chance to show some more grappling skill, because Fabio is mostly a pitty-pat striker with scary body shots and that’s about it. Glover takes it down, hits an arm-triangle, and hopefully figures out some way to travel to the US so he can have a real MMA career.

Glover Teixeira over Fabio Maldanado – KO Rd 1
I think this will be the “Oh so THATS why everyone is avoiding this kid” fight. Maldonado has a disadvantage in pretty much every catagory. I think he keeps it standing, smokes Fabio standing, and has the Popeye’s “2 Piece Combo Of The Night”.

Anderson Silva over Stephan Bonnar
The marketing campaign was “Bonnar is SUCH a huge underdog, right?? What if he won?! In movies the underdog wins have you seen any of the Air Bud movies??” Ok the Air Bud piece was an embellishment, but the point is he has no chance. I spent some time trying to convince myself not to pick a 90 second KO here, and I eventually won. The whiskey helped. Now I’m thinking Bonnar gets a takedown and the commentators raise the idea that he might somehow pull this off. Then about 30 seconds into the second, Anderson stings Bonnar with a stiff jab and finishes him off with a flurry. Too many blowouts on this card, and I’m not talking about some 1970s Black Power shit. I’m talking about mismatches ending early. Maybe this way we see all the fights?

Anderson Silva over Stephan Bonnar – KO Rd 1
Cruelty and I were texting this week, and he ran the whole “Rocky” scenario by me. Bonnar can take a punch, and is white, and can sometimes be funny, isnt that where the comparisons end tho? Should I try the “Silva is kinda like Creed because he’s cocky, and has a wife I wanna bang?” So, should Bonnar try and take Silva down use the Sonnen blueprint? Turn it into a scrap? Does he have it in him to go to war at that level for 25 minutes? I dont think so, I think this turns into the Silva “Cat fucking with a half dead mouse” type of fight, and Silva finishes later in the 1st round.

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