UFC 146 – We’re Still Upset With Reem Out, But Anyways…. Feat. Cruelty

Sup folks, ya boys are back. Everyone loves big dudes slanging leather, so everyone should enjoy this card. As always I’m italics, Cruelty isnt, fuck big intros, LETS GO!!!

Mike Thomas Brown over Daniel Pineda – Round 1 KO

I watched a few Daniel Pineda fights and didn’t see much talent, yet somehow he has wins over some decent guys recently in the UFC. His striking defense looks weak and Mike Brown has big power. I think he’ll catch Pineda and ruin his streak.

Mike Brown over Daniel Pineda – UD
Brown still getting fights actually makes me happy, because dudes fun to watch. Pineda will attempt to get this to the mat, fail, and get beat around for 3 rounds. Can we get a Brown/Torres II already?

Paul Sass over Jacob Volkmann – Round 1 Triangle

Sass has a million wins by triangle, and Volkman is purely a wrestler so he has no choice but to put himself at risk. It’s so simple and obvious that it will probably end up a crappy kickboxing match instead. I think Sass wins on points in that case, so now Sass has two ways to win. I’ll pick the sexier one just for the hell of it.

Jacob Volkmann over Paul Sass – UD
Did Sass really go with Sassangle as a nickname? Goddamn thats corny. Sass is fighting a helluva wrestler in Volkmann who will grapple around the triangle and avoid getting caught with it. Perhaps Sass has a different sub up his sleeve? I doubt it, and I got Volkmann via GRAPPLEFUCK.

Glover Teixeira over Kyle Kingsbury – Round 3 JD

Glover has been a fringe UFC fighter for years so good for him, he’s finally getting a chance. This one is for all the people who dreamed they could get to the top! With years and years of hard work and sacrifice, he has managed to ascend to the point of fighting a mediocre muslceman wrestler who got famous on a reality show! The system works… this fight is like a microcosm for America. Kingsbury is very raw and Bonnar completely ran game on him grappling, and Glover is a cagey vet who can probably follow that blueprint. Glover will outbox and out grapple Kingsbury to an easy win.

Glover Teixeira over Kyle Kingsbury – TKO Rd 1
This is a terrible match up for Kingsbury. Glover is so well rounded, with scary pop in his gloves, I saw him clobber a few cats here in WEC/PFC events a few years ago. Kingsbury wont be able to outgrapple him, will be forced to stand, and it aint ending well.

Duane Ludwig over Dan Hardy – Round 3 Split Decision

Dan Hardy was happy to stand with Chris Lytle and eat big winging punches, but Bang will bring them straight. I hate Ludwig’s cardio so Hardy will win the last round of this kickboxing match and maybe steal another on one judge’s card.

Bang Ludwig over Dan Hardy – TKO Rd 1
A bit of a stretch but I love Ludwig’s power and ability to keep the fight standing. I cant see any real grappling in this fight unless someone gets rocked, and Ludwig should have an advantage there as well. This may be another “Lets see who lands the first big left hook” contest similar to Hardy/Condit, and I favor Ludwig if thats the case.

C.B. Dollaway over Jason Miller – Round 3 JD

Miller looked like absolute shit in his last fight and I can’t pick him until I see he’s actually in fighting shape and trying to be a fighter again. Promoting his documentary and hyping his TV career on podcasts is not the same as legit training. Dollaway ain’t much, and we just found out he’s really chinny, but Miller might not have enough for him. Dollaway is a good athlete and decent wrestler. Miller could catch him early but after the first he’ll have no cardio, and Dollaway will gnp.

C.B. Dollaway over Mayhem Miller – UD
If Dollaway finishes Miller I’m doing the happy dance tonight. I said this before the Bisping fight, Miller has parlayed his popularity into getting fights on the big show when he really aint more then a StrikeForce type cat. I keep hearing about his improved stand up but aint seen it, ever. He’s a decent grappler at best, and Dollaway should be able to overcome that. Maybe Miller clips Dollaway early? Its the only way I see him winning.

Edson Barboza over Jamie Varner – Round 3 JD

I almost root for Varner to make it big because he’s such a naturally hatable guy, that he could make for some really hyped fights in a weightclass that could use a villain. This fight is a style clash in most ways, but the most important issue is that Varner likes to run away and counterstrike. Barboza is very patient and he’ll be happy to low-kick and stalk for 15 minutes to win a close decision over Varner with his occasional punches. I was very very impressed by Barboza against Etim but Varner has a style that tends to make guys look bad even in victory.

Edson Barboza over Jamie Varner – TKO Rd 2
Totally on the Barboza Hype Train. Kid has nasty punches and even worse kicks. To piggyback off of Crueltys comments, Varner could of been a Kos level heel, but loses killed that momentum. Maybe he can get some heel heat back with a shady decision tonight? ANYTHING ISSSS POSSSIIIBBBLLLEEEEEE!!!!!

Diego Brandao over Darren Elkins – Round 1 TKO

Yuck. Elkins is a pure wrestler with shit bjj so he’ll get tapped if he doesn’t get knocked out first. I think Brandao will catch him with something wild within the first minute, and that’ll help him get on top and pound away.

Darren Elkins over Diego Brandao – UD
This is a trap fight for Brandao. Elkins has great wrestling and may be able to grapplefuck his way to a decision as long as he keeps this on the mat 13 of the 15 minutes. If he doesnt he’s getting WANDERLEI’d but I’m going with the upset special here.

Lavar Johnson over Stefan Struve – Round 1 JAV’s love

With Mark Hunt out, Cruelty & JAV favorite Lavar Johnson stepped in. JAV has a SERIOUS mancrush on him so his preview will probably sound like a Superfan bit from 1980s SNL, but don’t completely discount the hype: this guy is great to watch. His grappling is a disaster in a bad way, and his hands are his disaster in a good way. Struve could tap him easily if he can walk through the fire and shoot for Lavar’s legs, but I think Struve will stupidly try to kickbox. Struve is hitable and Lavar will put a long combo on him. If JAV’s kid was fighting Lavar, who would he root for? Hmm…

Lavar Johnson over Stefan Struve – TKO Rd 1
My brother is the dudes top trainer, seriously you really think I’m going any other way? Legit tho, Lavar’s handspeed and footwork is crazy, and if you listened to my podcast the last few weeks, everyone including his trainers know if this hits the mat he’s in trouble. That’s why the plan is to clobber the shit out of him standing. Struve tends to stand with guys, huge mistake versus Lavar. I smell a falling tree KO over a stanky leg KO. FYI I’m taking Lavar over my son, unless it was the future. Then my son puts them things on him.

Stipe Miocic over Shane del Rosario – Round 2 KO

So the gimmick here is that both guys are undefeated. Does that really add anything to a fight for you? I personally couldn’t give a fuck that somebody’s 0 must go, but I’m interested in this matchup. Stipe gets lots of hype and CroCop comparisons, but I see him as a little bit slow. Shane is making his debut, but he’s a strong guy with decent grappling skills, and most HW’s can’t grapple for shit. Shane actually has a win over Lavar and exposed Lavar’s deficiencies a bit. Stipe doesn’t seem to suck at grappling but we haven’t seen him really tested. Shane is a bit of a brawler but I think he’ll get at least one takedown and we’ll find out what Stipe’s got. I am betting that Stipe is at a decent level and can survive to get back to his feet a few times, and eventually he lands a nasty combo.

Shane Del Rosario over Stipe Miocic – Sub Rd 1
Can we stop comparing Miocic to CC now? Unless the dude starts kicking Jap’s heads into the 3rd row I’m over it. Shane has a solid ground game and should submit Miocic once this hits the mat via sloppy HW trip up.

Roy Nelson over Dave Herman – Round 3 Submission (Kimura)

If I told you that one of these guys is a fuckup and one is a very serious fighter, a non-fan would look look at them shirtless and guess wrong. That person would also be potentially horrified by body hair if these guys both think its funny to show up in hair vests again. Herman is a great natural athlete who doesn’t particularly train, and Roy Nelson is a good fighter who isn’t great because he’s sorta fat and trains hard… but without direction. Two stories about wasted potential so far, but maybe one guy will rally. Nelson is very talented on the ground and I don’t particularly think Herman can stop takedowns for long. Herman’s only chance is KO but Nelson has a granite chin under the terrible homeless man beard he wears. Maybe I should say he has a chin like a bench on the subway platform covered with a bunch of old winter coats? That would maintain the homeless man motif. I’ll remember that next time if I decide to be insensitive about the plight of the homeless in this country which I fucking won’t and you disgusting right-wing readers can fuck off if you don’t like it. I hope your gay lover you keep on the downlow gives you Hepatitis C. Ok now I’m being insensitive to gays. Fuck. Ok so anyway, after some kickboxing and stuffed takedowns, Nelson will get a get one and catch Herman’s arm.

Roy Nelson over Dave Herman – UD
Nelson’s beard needs a hit or two of Just For Men. He doesnt have a cool beard, like Kimbo or Brian Wilson, its more of a “eventually a bat or some shits going to fly outta that shit” beard. If I had to rock his or Kimbo’s beard to the bar in an attempt to slay vagina, I’m going Kimbo. Herman has a win over Don Frye, so if you were looking for a reason to hate there ya go. Nelson is a bit better in every department sans gas, I’m leaning Nelson to take the first two rounds and snag the win.

Cain Velasquez over Antonio Silva – Round 3 JD

This should be a great fight. I know Cormier just lit-up Bigfoot recently, but I don’t think Cain has that devastating power so I think Bigfoot will survive to make this a close one. Cain will get frustrated by Bigfoot’s kickboxing, and start shooting. Bigfoot is a good grappler but relies a bit on strength over technique. Cain will spend more time on top and that will be judged more favorably than Silva’s kickboxing.

Cain Velasquez over Bigfoot Silva – TKO Rd 1
Poor Bigfoot gets KTFO following the biggest win of his career, and now has to fight that dudes teammate? In two fights poor Bigfoot went from contender to dude who has a huge head thats really easy to punch. And Cain will do just that. Cain’s hands are just as fast as Cormier, and thats what killed Bigfoot last fight. Same shit different toilet.

Junior dos Santos over Frank Mir – Round 1 TKO

Mir is one of the few fighters I actively root against. In this case, it’ll be easier because I think JDS is going to knock him the fuck out. Mir isn’t a great wrestler, and JDS isn’t going to let him get a bodylock for long. I expect JDS to stand outside, use superior footwork and speed, and bust Mir up pretty bad with his boxing. Mir will be a step behind and eventually fall.

Frank Mir over Junior dos Santos – Sub Rd 1
Yes I’m taking Mir, yes I’m crazy. JdS has been on a tear, and I know Mir is chinny, but I think he finds a way to SOMEHOW get this fight to the mat, grabs a limb, and doesnt let go until it snaps or JdS goes to sleep. We’ve yet to see JdS truly challenged on the mat, and I think it happens tonight. I also think when it does hit the mat JdS will have a “holy shit this guy ripped my sensei’s arm off if he grabs something I better tap quickly or deal with the concequences” mindset. Mir wins, and somewhere in America, Lesnar destroys a wooden door.

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