UFC 142 – Anthony Johnson Could’nt Stop Eating Tho Feat. Cruelty

Sup folks. Busy day that has included a trip to Wing Stop for mad beer and wings, but yet I’m still here, posting once again for you fucks. Cruelty is as well. You should follow him on Twitter. If I could remember his handle I’d include it. Just check my recent followers, clown ass. We got fights in between Tebow awesomeness, Brazil always has kick ass fans, let’s stop fucking around, I’m italics, Cruelty isnt, LETS GO.

Antonio Carvalho over Felipe Arantes – Round 2 TKO
Antonio was a prospect back in the day when he was fighting in Shooto and no American orgs had smaller weight classes. I think he was even top 5 at one point? He’s a smooth striker who throws clean crisp combos. He’s also a smart fighter and student of the game, but is a little on the chinny side and can spend too much time on the bottom. Felipe is not anything special as far as I can tell. I saw him fight a few years ago at a small event and was much more impressed with his opponent who won that fight. He put together some wins over randoms but I’m still sorta surprised he’s in the UFC again. Cheap local talent? I think Antonio should outclass him with superior kickboxing and put him away in the second.

Felipe Arantes over Felipe Arantes – JD
Two Brazilians to open the card? Makes sense. Neither guy has big wins over quality names on their record, and I’m kind of leaning slugfest. Arantes has a cowboy hat on in his Sherdog pic, making it impossible for me to pick against him. Brazilian Cowboy? WHHHAAAT? Totally buying this gimmick.

Rousimar “Toquino” Palhares over Mike Massenzio – Round 3 JD
Massenzio is high workrate, he’s tough, and he’s a decent wrestler who can brawl a little bit. Toquino is psychopath but he’s also a far superior grappler, and probably even in the striking department. Not a good matchup for Massenzio, but at least Mike showed decent sub defense so he should make it to the judges here.

Toquino Palhares over Mike Massenzio – Sub Rd 1
Who did Palhares piss off to get this low on the card? This dude’s still a borderline stud! Massenzio probably trained some heel hook defense, but not enough. Palhares will rip it clean because all Brazilians hate Americans thanks to Frank Mir.

Gabriel Gonzaga over Edinaldo Oliveira – Round 1 Submission (Arm Triangle)
Gonzaga sorta fell apart over the years. Or maybe he had a couple wins that made him look better than he really ever was? Well he’s fighting a crappy fighter so he should look decent in this one at least. Oliveira is small, wild, and not much of a grappler. Gonzaga hasn’t looked like an ADCC champion, but he might on Saturday. Easy takedown and submission.

Edinaldo Oliveira over Gabriel Gonzaga – TKO Rd 1
Didn’t Gonzaga retire or some shit? I’ve heard a ton of positive shit about Oliveira, and I’m buying into it. Gonzaga’s chin is glassy. Should we be preparing for a wave of HW’s from Brazil in the next few years?

Michihiro Omigawa over Yuri Alcantara – Round 3 JD
Yuri has a sweet win over Felipe Arantes who, if you recall, I talked shit about earlier. Alcantara is wild as a striker and grappler, and actually Omigawa might brawl with him. This could be fun for a few minutes but eventually Omigawa will get a takedown with his judo, and he’ll grind out a decision.

Michihiro Omigawa over Yuri Alcantara – UD
Dammit Omigawa has a mad weird record and this could be a spot where he randomly KO’s this cat. Yuri has a pretty crazy record so this could come down to a pick ‘em fight. Leaning Omigawa cause I still got love for JMMA, and I’ve been day drinking.

Carlo Prater over Erick Silva – Round 1 Submission (RNC)
Prater has been one win away from a UFC invitation for years. He’ll win a few, people will talk about him, then he’ll lose to a UFC reject (for example) and falls down a rung on the ladder. Happily for him, his UFC debut is against a guy who probably doesn’t belong at all. Erick Silva had a quick win in the previous UFC Brazil, but he is a bit too wild to survive for long. Prater will take him down and tap him.

Erick Silva over Carlo Prater – TKO Rd 1
Two points here. 1. Prater is one of these “Can’t ever beat really good guys but gives good guys fits and sometimes wins” cats. 2. Silva is ANOTHER “We better watch this dude, beat some solid guys, and trains with a top team” Brazilian. I think this will be Silva’s coming out party, highlight KO style.

Edson Barboza over Terry Etim – Round 3 JD
We last saw Barboza face another British striker, Ross Pearson in the last UFC Brazil, and I think the rabid crowd and white skin showing damage may have won him that decision. That said, he fought a great fight and don’t get it twisted here… he is a scary dude. Etim uses his length well as a striker, and he tempts people into grappling where he is surprisingly dangerous. Barboza won’t try to wrestle, though, and I think we’ll see another blood and guts standup fight with the Brazilian coming out on top.

Edson Barboza over Terry Etim – JD
Very interesting match up. Both are high level strikers, but the YO YOU DEALING WITH THE XFACTOR could be Etim’s very sneaky ground game/ effective lankyness. I think Barboza will feed off the crowd and throw a bunch of silly kicks that glance off Etim but are enough to win a close fight. Etim should REALLY consider testing Barboza’s ground game.

Thiago Tavares over Sam Stout – Round 3 JD
Tavares will sometimes scrap, but Sam Stout is pretty much a pure striker, and I can’t believe Tavares would be so stupid as to gameplan for kickboxing. Tavares will look for takedowns off punches, just like he did against Spencer Fisher. Tavares doesn’t have great wrestling, but judges will sometimes call the struggle for a single-leg “aggression.” When he does get the takedown, Tavares has great positional bjj and he’ll put Stout in danger right away. Stout is better from the bottom than Fisher, so he’ll survive the full 15 minutes.

Thiago Tavares over Sam Stout – JD
Always been a fan of Tavares style, he fights his ass off every fight, and I’m wondering if Stout’s southpaw style will give him fits. Again, I’m leaning towards all these Brazilians Hulking Up and using the crowd to help push them over with the crowd as well as the judges. Tavares does just enough to steal 2 of the 3 rounds.

Ricardo Funch over Mike Pyle – Round 3 JD
Pyle is a veteran who is going to act as a gatekeeper for mediocre grapplers with gay long hair. Funch has terrible wrestling technique, and terrible stand up. Pyle will actually be the superior striker in this fight, which is a sad statement. Pyle made his living by tapping out wrestlers, but Funch is bjj first, and Pyle won’t catch him. Funch will try for takedowns, and Pyle will strike. Eventually Pyle will spend some time on top and pile up points. Fuck that was an accidental pun I swear. I desperately want to delete it, but I’m leaving it in as penance. I deserve your ridicule for that sentence.

Mike Pyle over Ricardo Funch – JD
Seriously tho, this fight, this high on the card? It’s pretty terrible. Pyle is going to grapplefuck Funch for three rounds, the Brazilians are gonna get super pissed, and chant terrible things at Pyle. Hopefully Mir will be in the building and the Brazilians aim all chants at him. If I was Brazilian I’d be upset that this wasn’t lower on the card.

Anthony Johnson over Vitor Belfort – Round 1 KO
I see that Rumble missed weight by 12 pounds. Twelve pounds isn’t like “I’m so dehydrated I can’t cut the extra few”, it’s like “I can’t do it, so I’m not even going to try.” All anyone talks about with this guy is how he cuts down too far, and apparently moving up to 185 didn’t help him. His manager and trainers should be catching shit for this, just as much as he is. Those guys are responsible for getting him in the cage with all of the bureaucratic shit out of the way. Weigh-ins are a bit beyond filling out paperwork, but it’s still non-fight shit and someone should be in charge of making him have his shit together. A little research tells me that the co-fuckups are Rashad Evans and Mike Van Arsadale. Didn’t MVD go to the Olympic training center? These are guys who should know about weight cuts. There’s a story here that we don’t know. Allow me to float a theory: The last charismatic fighter who habitually missed weight is now staring in a Steven Soderbergh movie. (Note: I’m not talking about Sasha Grey.) Joe Rogan believes the moon landing was staged… what will he say about the conspiracy behind UFC 142: Too Much Dark Meat. Ok so the fight should be fun. There should be a bunch of hands flying, and Belfort falling. Rumble can win this fight with wrestling too, but he won’t need to. Quick knockout, and then he can work on convincing Zuffa not to fire him. The local crowd is going to be PISSED at Rumble so hopefully he doesn’t get knifed on the way to the airport.

Anthony Johnson over Vitor Belfort – Round 1 TKO
You all know how I feel about not making weight. Rumble should be fired regardless of the outcome of this fight. That being said he’s going to take Belfort down, and pound him out pretty easily. Belfort has done a good job beating guys that stand right in front of him and let him launch bombs, Rumble isn’t doing that. Belfort still has the Wandy fight, he’ll be ok. As far as Rumble, here’s a perfect opportunity for Dana to use the “Demote” cause here and send Rumble to StrikeForce, with the other alternative being the door.

Jose Aldo over Chad Mendes – Round 5 JD
I think some people expected Aldo to tear up Kenny Florian, and instead he looked human. He probably lost the first two rounds, but he impressed me in the last three. He didn’t gas, he showed decent takedowns, and he looked heavy when he was on top. Chad Mendes is going to try to wrestle Aldo, because Jose is at a much higher level in the standup department. I think Mendes is going to be a little surprised at how hard he has to work for a takedown. On the ground, Mendes is going to be in danger and when he’s been threatened in previous fights he’s had a tendency to stand up out of the guard. That won’t work this time because Jose will just stand up and put more damage on him. Leg kicks and short combos will wear Chad down and his shots will start to suck. Mendes will have better cardio but he’ll be hurt by the Championship Rounds and that will slow him down. This appears to be a decent style match-up for Jose, despite the equality in skill level.

Jose Aldo over Chad Mendes – TKO Rd 1
Actually torn on this fight. Wondering if Chad can put Aldo on his back for 3 of the 5 rounds. If he can get takedowns early and quiet the crowd this could get VERY interesting. Don’t see it happening tho, or at least don’t have the confidence in Mendes to do so. I think Mendes will be a BIIIITTT too flatfooted, and Aldo goes old skool Aldo and throttles Mendes with strikes, mostly knees. Team Alpha Male better hurry up and get on finding another 145er for Aldo to beat up.

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