UFC 140 – Karate vs. JESUS Feat. Cruelty

Sup folks, gotta fly, you know the drill, I’m italics, Cruelty isnt, SUPER MEGA LETS GO.

John Cholish over Mitch Clarke – Round 2 RNC
I was scouring YouTube to see some old Mitch Clarke fights to see if he’s anything more than a collegiate wrestler, and I came across a video interview with Mitch wearing an nWo black & white shirt. 4 life? Wow is Canada that far behind? I was in Toronto on Wednesday and saw no indication that it was in-fact 1999 there. Do you feel like you’ve learned anything from this preview thingie so far? Both guys are great wrestlers but Cholish is bringing extra hype for having a good submission game, and I’m really unimpressed with Clarke’s gnp. Cholish is also a good wrestler and I like that he’s a student to the game, and he’s a bit more explosive.

John Cholish over Mitch Clarke – Sub Rd 2
Damn you John for having one of those names that could also be spelled like “Jon” forever confusing the shit out of me. Clarke has a solid ground game, wondering if he can give Cholish fits on the mat? Potential cross each other out skillset? Still leaning Cholish.

Rich Attonito over Jake Hecht – Round 3 JD
How the fuck has Rich Attonito been in like 6 UFC fights and I can’t remember a single one? He was on TUF but sorta sucked right? Bald guy with tattoos…nope that doesn’t help. I’m not as hardcore as I used to be but still not a good sign, and he’s 5-1. Against bad talent, but still. Anyway Hecht is making his UFC debut against a guy who is apparently (???) a seasoned UFC vet. Remember that department store Hecht’s? Fuck that place.

Rich Attonito over Jake Hecht – TKO Rd 2
I hate leaning on Cruelty’s posts, it’s an advantage I get for posting, but holy shit is he right. I remember he was on TUF, but didn’t do anything memorable, and I remember he beat up Yager after Yager came out throwing crazy ninja shit. That’s about it. I didn’t even know he recently beat up Ninja Roberts. Here’s yet another example why we gotta start spreading these PPV’s out more. One every other week’s a bit excessive, even for me. Anyways Attonito drops him later in the fight, and we won’t remember.

Nik Lentz over Mark Bocek – Round 3 JD
Andy Dalton is having a helluva season. Last time Bocek fought I believe I talked shit about Dalton, and I was crazy wrong. I’m smart about football but I fucking suck at appraising QB talent. But I’m not bad at recognizing that Nik Lentz will make this a very boring slow fight. Nik Lentz is funny, but damn he will hold a fucker down and waste 15 minutes of our MMA-watching lives. Bocek is too easily held down by good wrestlers and it’ll probably happen.

Nik Lentz over Mark Bocek – JD
Love me some “Carny”. It really is the greatest nickname. I wonder if it was given to him because he kinda looks like one, or if it has some other hidden meaning. Bocek has a few decent W’s under his belt, it’s probably why he sticks around the undercard. Didn’t know his last fight was versus Bendo, that was a while ago. Nik will win two of the three rounds because Bocek can be suckered into trading and getting away from his bread and butter, grapplefucking you.

Yves Jabouin over Walel Watson – Round 1 KO
Wale’s “Chillin feat. Lady GaGa” is a great song. This statement probably destroyed both my Wale cred and my Lady GaGa cred, but if I can’t speak the truth on this website than the terrorists really have won. This guy has an extra “L” on his name, and I’m not sure how much less cool that makes him than Wale. Yves is going to beat guys who aren’t great wrestlers, so he’ll beat Walel. Yves uses big technique and actually lands it pretty often. In his recent Ian Loveland fight I noted the way he uses his sidekick like a teep or jab to keep grapplers at a distance. This was a step in evolution for him and I’m curious to see him continue his development. Not really in this fight, though, in this fight I think he’ll just fucking kick Walel’s face in.

Yves Jabouin over Walel Watson – JD
Shit Walel was some pretty decent wins under his belt as well, this has FIAHWERKS written all over it. Love me some Jabouin, classic “Thank you for lighter divisions Dana now I can get my shine on” dudes that’s got way too much experience and that’ll be the difference in stealing a close fight.

John Makdessi over Dennis Hallman – Round 2 TKO
This will be fun: Two fights in a row where guys are gonna throw spinning kicks. Hallman showed his balls in Philly, and I was there. True story. Makdessi has good takedown defense, and he should put a bunch of damage on Hallman before the finish. No guarantee on balls being displayed.

Dennis Hallman over John Makadessi – Sub Rd 1
When I hear a fighter say “My ground game is ok, but his wont matter when I punch him in the face!” My first thoughts are now “Oh so your ground game isn’t on par with his. That’s what’s going to happen here. And what happened to him being shitcanned anyway?

Jared Hamman over Constantinos Philippou – Round 3 KO
When Constantinos faces strikers, he apparently tries to make the fight into a terrible grappling match for a few minutes until he gases. That makes him awesome to watch. Jared Hamman will try to throw hands, get taken down, the crowd will boo, CP will get tired, then Jared will knock him out.

Jared Hamman over Constantinos Philippou – TKO Rd 2
Holy shit I remember Hamman used to be a HW fighting for EXC. I’m blown away by him being able to cut to 185 now. Philippou trains with Longo with his hands, probably the most slept on striking coach in this sport, so maybe he knocks Hamman out? Philippou has a funny tattoo on his chest of a pitbull with boxing gloves on. That’d be awesome if he was a boxer? And the gloves are so big it’s not like he can fix them to look like MMA gloves. Lesson to be learned kids, be careful when you ink yourself.

Krzysztof Soszynski over Igor Pokrajac – Round 1 Submission (Kimura)
Fuck they love putting Polish Kryz into fights with other guys who have crazy names. Bruce Buffer must be dreading this intro. Igor gets some love because he throws high-kicks and he’s Croatian, but he’s not a great fighter. Kryz is going to take him down and tap him.

Krzysztof Soszynski over Igor Pokrajac – Sub Rd 2
Initially wondering if Pokrajac can fuck up K-Sos standing, but remembering that K-Sos went toe-to-toe with Bonnar for a while before getting KTKO. K-Soz stands with him for a round or so before taking it to the mat and grabbing an arm.

Mark Hominick over Chan Sung Jung – Round 3 JD
This fight was put together to showcase Hominick’s high-volume striking, and Jungs high-zombie-strength chin. Hominick will be able to stay outside and land punches to impress the judges. Jung might have a small advantage on the ground, but Hominick is sound and won’t get tapped if it goes to the mat.

Mark Hominick over Chan Sung Jung – TKO Rd 1
Korean Zombie is Dana’s version over MINOWAMAN. He may not be as awesome as MINOWAMAN but he’ll fight anyone anytime, and it’s going to be exciting as fuck. Will the death of Hominick’s trainer factor in this fight, like Mick’s death obviously affected Rocky Balboa? I’m guessing no, and Zombie gets slept early, and Mark gets launched right back into a fight with Aldo.

Claude Patrick over Brian Ebersole – Round 3 JD
Ebersole is a Wildman but the time for joking is over. HE’S FACING A FORMER TORONTO DRAGON AND THOSE GUYS DON’T FUCK AROUND, EH? The Canadians I met with on Wednesday actually did say “eh” all the time, and random strangers struck up hockey smalltalk with me. Sometimes stereotypes are true. Next thing I’ll find out that black people are good at basketball. So Patrick is black (how about that segue??) and he’s a much better athlete than Ebersole. He will fight a normal fight and win by scoring with more strikes. Ebersole will prance around and never find the submission he needs.

Brian Ebersole over Claude Patrick – JD
In my best Joe Rogan voice, “EBERSOLE HAS 60 MMA FIGHTS!!! 60!!!” Patrick may be able to equalize the ground game, but I’m not sure. And if he does will he be able to trade with a guy with SIXTY GODDAMN FIGHTS? I aint buying it.

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira over Tito Ortiz – Round 2 KO
Lil Nog just faced two powerhouse wrestlers, and now he’s facing a junior college wrestler who lost on The Apprentice. Will the results be the same? I say nay. Tito will not overwhelm Nog, and Nog will be able to land punches that Tito can’t take any more.

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira over Tito Ortiz – TKO Rd 2
This is a cute way to send Tito out right? Does this guy fucking get it anymore? He should be asking to fight Mark Coleman. I don’t think he realizes this is the same way it ended for Chuck. A decent win (Wandy in Chuck’s case) in between a string of bad losses on your way out. I’d be BLOWN A FUCKING WAY if Tito could somehow find a way to choke out a Nog Bro. Nog keeps it standing and beats the crap out of Tito, and as much as I love Lil’ Nog, I’m going to be sad for Tito.

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira over Frank Mir – Round 3 JD
Wow a pair of early-2000s dream fights in a row, starring two brothers that look like crumpled up brown paper bags with glue-on googly eyes! I like that. In his most recent fight, Minoauro went in looking fat at 245, but he wasn’t THAT slow. He probably got heavy before coming off hip and knee surgery so I expected him to look flabby and have no cardio, but that didn’t come into play against Schaub. He landed a long brutal combo and kept his career alive. He’s lighter for this fight and may be faster? In his recent fights Frank Mir has shown some flashes of kickboxing prowess, and his cardio only medium sucks now. He’s been powerlifting, and living as a vegetarian. I wasn’t 100% sure about that, and in researching to confirm it I discovered that peas are high in protein. Probably because they are seeds and need protein to grow the baby plant? SCIENCE! This will turn into another kickboxing match and I like Mir here because he is the better athlete at this point in their careers.

Frank Mir over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira – TKO Rd 2
I’d fucking LOVE to sit here and lie to you guys, but I think Nog has no shot in this fight. His body is done. His chin is done. His reflexes are done. The Schaub KO came after Schaub got lazy on defense and let Nog fucking TEE OFF on him. And Schaub was catching Nog early in that fight as well, I’m not fucking bullshitting myself, or any of you. Mir’s body hasn’t been in half the wars Nog has, Mir’s done a better job of not taking excessive damage over a 10 year period, and that’s why he’ll win.

In 20 years from now our grandkids or nephews or fucking whoever are going to say “Mir must have been better then Nog because he knocked him out twice.” It’s our individual responsibility to slap those kids, tell them they don’t know shit, and that Nog was the second greatest HW from 2000-2010 when the sport was taking off, Nog fought EVERYONE, held belts all over the world, and was quite possibly the best ambassador that the sport has ever seen. And if you look at the overall records the fucking numbers don’t lie. And if you haven’t said to yourself “Jay is being a fucking Pride mark fanboy” I’ll fucking say it for you.

Jon Jones over Lyoto Machida – Round 3 TKO
This could certainly be a dynamic fight, or it could be another Bones Jones massacre. Machida’s crazy style seemed invincible before the Shogun loss, and dropping Randy with some ninja shit only did so much to restore his mystique. Machida is an interesting challenge for any fighter but his traditionalness is unorthodox in modern martial arts. That sentence was confusing to write. Anyway, I’m curious to see how he’ll handle Jones… who uses unusual technique himself. If Lyoto can solve that puzzle, then Jones will still have wrestling to fall back on. With a mix of standup and gnp, Jones will pile up damage quickly, and finish in the third.

Jon Jones over Lyoto Machida – JD
I can totally see Jon Jones pacing himself badly, winning the first 3 rounds, running out of gas going into the championship rounds, and Machida hulking up and grabbing the last two rounds similar to Hendo-Shogun. That’s what I think will happen. I know I questioned Bones mental toughness last time and he proved me wrong, and could very well continue to prove me wrong with the above thoughts, but I’m not hating on Bones as much as its my confidence in Machida being a very good fighter who studies tape, has solid game plans, and has been a champion before. Machida comes on late, but too late, and Bones continues to piss off half the MMA community for being too nice.

Enjoy the fights!

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