Sup folks? Ya boys have done the best we could with this card. Truth be told, it’s a bit shitty. But a great mind once said that you can “Take tin cans and turn them into gold” or something like that. Shit in retrospect I should of thrown in more Sheenism’s. Clearly, this guy is living the life we all only WISH we could. WINNING!! That’s all he does yo! Anyways, yeah the UFC is this weekend and BJ is fighting. You know the drill, I’m italics, Cruelty is not because he’s against gay marriage. LET’S GO!!
Anthony Perosh over Tom Blackledge – TKO Rd 1
I have a hard time cheering against a guy nicknamed “The Hippo.” Maybe it’s because I have become doughier recently and am trying to adapt to nicknames like this one? Also, first Aussie in! When you have these overseas cards you get a lot of knockouts, and a lot of guys not from America.
Anthony Perosh over Tom Blackledge – Rd 2 TKO
Normally this kind of shit fight is reserved for the Heavyweight division only. Why is Blackledge here? Perosh is a better grappler (I think?), and he will win with strikes from top position.
Mark Hunt over Chris Tuchschererererer – KO Rd 1
Trying to get my “I STILL BELIEVES IN YOU OLD PRIDE FC K-1 GUY” moment out quickly. Two stupid facts you already know but I feel like sharing: Chris trains with Lesnar, and Hunt beat Wanderlei. Clearly Lesnar has bad stand up coaches, and Hunt as K-1 (Used it again, woo hoo!) level striking. Hunt will avoid being taken down by crushing his chin before the shoot.
Chris Tuchscherer over Mark Hunt – Rd 1 TKO
Chris Whoever sucks but Mark Hunt isn’t even trying anymore. These guys will win the award for least athletic-looking duo. Chris will get on top and advance to a position where he can land undefended punches. Fuck I hope this undercard improves.
James Te Huna over Alexander Gustafsson – KO Rd 1
Another Aussie anyone? I like Te Huna. He’s pretty much a 1-D slugger, but a good one. He’s got a handful of 1st round KO’s. Gustafsson has a great record, but it was built on cans. Te Huna drops the big hooks on him and pus him to sleep.
Alexander Gustafsson over James Te Huna – Round 1 KO
These foreign UFC cards can really be painful. Gustafsson is pretty good for a Euro, and I didn’t even notice that Te Huna fought on a previous UFC card. Te Huna will look for takedowns and Gusta will keep him at a distance until he finds the chin.
Tie Quan Zhang over Jason Reinhardt – JD
I dig Zhang. Great little guy that can bang and reps CTT, China Top Team! Looking up Reinhardt, dude hasn’t fought in almost 3 years, and is going to leave the States and fight in the biggest promotion ever? Ok.
Tie Quan Zhang over Jason Reinhardt – Round 3 JD
Zhang is impressive but raw, and I predict that he’ll come into this fight improved. He is a great athlete who is working to fill in the gaps between his San Da base and MMA. In previous fights he has fallen victim to a desire to play with his new toys, which is not a euphemism, he hunted for submissions instead of using his better tools, which is also not a euphemism. This time he will rely more on gnp to supplement his kickboxing advantage – that’s a very weird euphemism (use your imagination).
Maciej Jewtuszko over Curt Warburton – TKO Rd 1
I know everyone likes to have fun with the name “Romo” but HOLY SHIT, JEWtuszko??? Growing up in Poland he must of taken a lot of ball busting over this name, forcing him into many fights, making him the badass that he is today. I imagine before fights he mindfucks himself into thinking his opponent said something about his last name, and he fucking SNAPS. Poor Warburton never saw it coming, and never had a chance. Oh yeah, also, he punches really hard.
Curt Warburton over Maciej “Megamind” Jewtuszko – Round 3 JD
Jewtuszko ruined everyone’s fun by defeating Njokuani, and now he finds himself facing a random Wolfslair guy. UFC must have decided to save money on plane tickets by letting corner men fight. Warburton looked OK against Spencer Fisher by staying in the clinch and being busy. Jewtuszko just looks awkward so I expect him to get controlled and battered.
Nick Ring over Riki Fukuda – JD
Oh Dana, you sneaky devil! Once again you bring in a decent Jap, and throw him right into a mismatch. It’s almost as if Dana is sending a message to JMMA. That message is “Hire a wrestling coach.” Ring is going to grapplefuck Fukuda. Fukuda has some decent Judo but once he hits his back he’s toast.
Nick Ring over Riki Fukuda – Round 1 Submission (RNC)
Fukuda is a decent fighter but as we know Zuffa hates the Japanese, so he gets to face a good fighter in his debut. Nick Ring was a clear favorite in his TUF season before an injury, and he returns to pick up where he left off. He’s a very good wrestler, has good submissions, and I find him delightfully fruity. UFC needs a sassy gay guy for comic relief, and it’s a bonus that he’s also a good fighter.
Ross Pearson over Spencer Fisher – JD
I still got love for Pearson and his Holyfield style of boxing, but Miller exposed him for being open to straight punches. Good thing for him Fisher is a fellow hooker. I expect a sloppy fight with ugly take down attempts and hooks standing. Whoever can mix in some kicks could steal this fight. I lean Pearson.
Ross Pearson over Spencer Fisher – Round 3 JD
Pearson lost some momentum when he got caught by Cole Miller, but I still think he has a bright future. Fisher is fun to watch, but his lack of both KO power and defensive wrestling prevent him from stringing together wins. Pearson is pretty well-rounded, and will steal rounds with takedowns if his kickboxing isn’t getting the job done. It will be interesting to see Pearson’s stand-up tested by a southpaw with an iron chin.
Chris Camozzi over Kyle Noke – Sub Rd 1
Just realized both of these guys were on TUF. Noke is game as hell, but not the best on the mat, and Camozzi is sneaky there. I see him grabbing Noke’s back in a scramble and locking in a choke.
Kyle Noke over Chris Camozzi – Round 1 Submission (Kimura)
Kyle Noke is a solid fighter who is pretty slick with his submissions, and I guess he could be considered a prospect of sorts. Camozzi is exciting but he can be a little wild, so Noke will catch an arm during a scramble. The middleweight division is a bit of a disaster so who the fuck knows what happens to the winner of this fight.
Chris Lytle over Brian Ebersole – Sub Rd 2
I wanna shit on this fight but I cannot, because it falls under my “Any Weight Any Place Fighters” category. Both guys have been fighting forever and have like 70+ MMA fights between the two. Clearly, Ebersole is game, but Lytle is just better in all areas. If it stays standing Lytle will eventually break him down, and if it hits the mat Lytle can attack with subs from multiple spots. It will end this way.
Chris Lytle over Brian Ebersole – Round 3 Submission (Triangle Choke)
The fact that I’m predicting some grappling in a Lytle fight should count as my upset special, right? I can’t remember a fight where the fighters had more combined fights. These guys have been around and around the block, and it’s hard to say if either guy is worn out at this point. I don’t want to randomly guess, so I’ll break down the fight like they’ve had reasonable careers to this point. Lytle will generally just throw haymakers, but Ebersole is savvy enough to know that he should avoid the silliness and clinch. The grappling could be fun too but you should remember that before Lytle was a brawler and Fight of the Night whore, he was a pretty creative submission grappler. Ebersole is used to outclassing nobodies on the ground, but Lytle is no joke and he’ll catch the neck.
George Sotiropolous over Dennis Siver – TKO Rd 2
I LOVE me some Siver but he’s probably WAY over his head in this fight. He’s an awesome striker, but G Sot isn’t too shabby there either, and Siver is light years behind G Sot on the mat. G Sot is going to want to give the hometown fans something to cheer about, so I think he keeps it standing, drops Siver later in the fight, and finishes with G & P. We always have to watch out for the spinning back kick from Siver, who will throw it, and IF it lands, wow…
George Sotiropolous over Dennis Siver – Round 1 Submission (Kneebar)
Sotiropolous is on a fucking tear, and I think Siver is his next victim. Siver is basically a 1-D striker, and Aussie George is the whole package wrapped up neatly in neoprene. Siver is so crazy stocky that he’ll have to get creative to find a vulnerable part to attack. Thus, I predict leg.
Jorge Rivera over Michael Bisping – KO Rd 2
I honestly think this is a real pick ‘em fight. I dont think Bisping is going to take it to the mat, and he STILL leaves his left hand WAY low. Rivera doesn’t have great defense either, and Bisping could punch through his defense and knock him out as well. But I think Rivera is on a bit of a streak since his daughter died where he really doesn’t give a fuck if he gets knocked out or not, he just want to fight. If Rivera walks through Bisping’s punches and let’s his hands go it is not going to end well for The Count. Big right hand finishes him, again.
Michael Bisping over Jorge Rivera – Round 1 KO
Rivera has some good wins recently, good for the retarded Middleweight division anyway, but I think he has risen back to the point where he is outclassed. Bisping will use his typical footwork and volume striking strategy, and Rivera doesn’t slip punches too well. Jorge could survive by clinching Bisping but more talented guys have failed with that plan.
Jon Fitch over BJ Penn – JD
I really want to pick Penn here. Badly. Maybe it’s the fanboy in me who still loves BJ, maybe it’s the way he walked through Hughes’ punches and fucking ROLLED him, maybe it’s the fact that BJ is still GOOD, I dunno. But this is a terrible match up for him, on paper at least. Another bigger guy that can take BJ down and be active enough to not get the fight stood back up, but not active enough to finish BJ. Penn has to hope that Fitch makes a mistake early or do exactly what he did versus Hughes and say “Fuck it I’m taking your best punch to set up my own let’s see who lays down first.” Otherwise it’s going to be a 15 minute grapplefuck with people grabbing their coats and leaving before the third round is even over. Fitch = WINNING.
Jon Fitch over BJ Penn – Round 3 JD
I like both of these guys, but Penn is a little bit delusional if he thinks he has a chance in this fight. Penn doesn’t generally hit subs from the bottom, and Fitch doesn’t get tapped. Penn is great with sweeps but Fitch has a really solid base. Penn has good power, even at WW, but Fitch doesn’t get hit too often. Fitch is going to dominate this fight, and the crowd is going to HATE him. Maybe that’ll help his career? Right now people generally dread his boring fights, but maybe he can build some heat by defeating Penn at the end of this fucking terrible card.
Enjoy the fights!