Sup Juggalos? Ya boys are back on the block, serving STRAIGHT HEAT FOOLS. We’ve got a fight card, it isnt much of one, but it is a fight card. This card has dealt with injuries that had fighters pull out, followed by more injuries that almost wrecked the Main Event this week. But CC was able to put his eyeball back into place with WACKY CROATIAN MEDICINE, so we’re good.
You know the routine, I rock italics, Cruelty does’nt, let’s go…
Thiago Tavares over Pat Audinwood – JD
Man how do I pick against a kid who has the nickname “Awesomely Awesome”? I just don’t know how I can pull the trigger on this one. Tavares has had some shaky fights recently in the UFC, but he’s young and in some fights has just made dumb mistakes that cost him fights, so there is still some potential there. Audinwood’s awesomeness cannot get him through those first time jitters, and he’ll lose 2 of three rounds.
Thiago Tavares over Pat Audinwood – Round 1 Submission (Triangle)
Thiago Tavares had a bit of hype when he arrived in the UFC and IIRC your boy Cruelty bought into it. As it turns out, he’s a bit too spazzy with his striking and not slick enough with his subs. Pat Audinwood broke my buddy’s heart by stealing his personal nickname for himself. “Awesomely Awesome” is a good nickname. It’s no “The Carnie” but it’s good. Anyway, apparently Aaron Riley was supposed to be in this fight but whatever there are a million good LWs so swap them out what the fuck. Tavares and Riley are both better submission fighters than Audinwood so I’ll pick the same way.
Mark Hunt over Sean McCorkle – KO Rd 1
This fight has highlight reel KO written all over it. Let me get my 50 Tyson on here, I aint gonna lie, I’m a Hunt fan going back to his K-1 days. There was a time when this dude was IMPOSSIBLE to KO. He would stand in with huge HW’s and bang with them. He beat Wanderlei when Wandy was a top guy in Pride, as well as Cro Copp. I’m hoping he can turn things around in the UFC, because he’s had some shaky fights the past few years. He was getting top fights and getting subbed easily in them. But getting subbed by Barnett, Fedor, and Mousasi isn’t something to be ashamed of. I’ve also seen some recent pictures and he’s slimmed down, which makes me wonder if he’s been training more and not just relying on KO power. McCorkle is a stand and bang guy, and it’s his first UFC fight as well, I don’t see this ending well for him.
Mark Hunt over Sean McCorkle – Round 3 JD
Whoa. Mark Hunt is finally gonna fight the last fight on his old Pride contract. I wonder what the hell he’s been doing lately? If he has been fighting, I can’t easily find it. And we’re talking about the internet here… I can search for 8 seconds and find a giant squid raping a troop of Girl Scouts. The articles lead me to believe he’s going to look like a Tough Man contestant. Luckily, he’s fighting a guy who fight like a tough man contestant. McCorkle is a big awkward tall guy. Seriously this fight is going to be ugly. I’m picking the fat guy to beat the tall guy. There’s the POSSIBILITY that Hunt can show some skill, and McCorkle has no talent at all as far as I can tell. Mark Hunt 2010 can beat Gan McGee 2005.
TJ Grant over Julio Paulino – JD
Shit, again, put in a position where I’m picking against a guy with an awesome nickname. “Dominican Demon” is pretty good. I’m not sleeping on Grant. He’s fought solid comp throughout his career and done well. Paulino has a ton of fights in Alaska, where they spar with polar bears, so this could get real interesting. I think Grant outworks Paulino in a close fight.
TJ Grant over Julio Paulino – Round 1 (Arm Triangle)
I’ve been bagging on the newcomers here, and that’s sorta not a good sign. Joe Silva knows this sport and he doesn’t usually bring in shitty fighters these days. But… they look shitty in their grainy internet videos from 3rd tier events. They just do. Paulino doesn’t really suck, but I don’t like this matchup. Grant is a good-enough top-position grappler to hold Paulino down, and from there he works his sub-game. Paulino wants to sprawl-n-brawl and TJ will overwhelm JP and catch a choke.
Steve Lopez over Waylon Lowe – KO Rd 1
Two reasons I’m picking Lopez.1, MEXICAN POWER. 2, he beat a guy named The Gooch. Yes, that is the guy’s actual name. I feel sorry for The Gooch’s mother.
Waylon Lowe over Steve Lopez – Round 3 JD
Neither fighter is well-known, so you can’t accuse me of picking the more famous guy! Both guys got whipped in their debuts, and I don’t think Lopez even got enough offense for me to have an idea what this guy is about. I guess he’s a wrestler? Lowe has brute strength and he’s a little wild, so in my brain movies Steve Lopez is overwhelmed again. Lopez will get the third after Lowe gasses, but by then it’ll be too late.
Matt Mitrione over Joey Beltran – Round 2 TKO
FUCKNUTS THIS IS THE THIRD AWESOME NICKNAME I’M PICKING AGAINST. THIS WILL NOT END WELL FOR ME. Truth be told, Meathead is a mother fucker. I wonder if the thousands of head on collisions from football dulled his skull and now punches don’t affect him. He’s also stayed with the Roufus camp, which I’ve stated before, I love. Beltran’s a good brawler, but Meathead will outbox him, use Roufus kicks and finish Beltran with G & P.
Matt Mitrione over Joey Beltran – Round 1 TKO
Based on his personality I wish it wasn’t true, but Meathead Mitrione is a good fighter. He has power, he’s very composed, and he’s a heavyweight so it’s not hard to look like an great athlete. Beltran has gotten away with being a tough brawler and outlasting his flawed opponents, but that’s over now. Mitrione will fight a methodical and more technical fight.
Joe Doerksen over CB Dollaway – Sub Rd 1
This pick is based solely on my hate for Dollaway. That and Doerksen is a partial BADASS that belongs in my “50 plus fights anytime any weight” division. CB gives up his neck, and Doerksen chokes him out.
CB Dollaway over Joe Doerksen – Round 1 TKO
Doerksen is a gamer but he’s not UFC quality. He has some submission skills, but Dollaway is too good for that. Dollaway is a good athlete and a good wrestler, and he might just run Doerksen over.
Jeremy Stephens over Melvin Guillard – TKO Rd 2
The blueprint to beat Guillard is there. Wait until he gasses from lack of cocaine, which by the way is a helluva drug, then knock or choke him out. Stephens will do this. I am realizing how much star power this card is lacking right about now.
Melvin Guillard over Jeremy Stephens – Round 1 KO
This is good match-making. These guys are wild strikers who fight with a little to much abandon to be successful in a … oh… um the same shit I said about Tavares only 10x because these guys rely primarily on their striking to win. Neither guy will be able – even if he is willing – to slow this fight down. They throw, someone lands, guy falls, crowd roards. Guillard will be the lucky winner, and I hope he’s blonde so he looks more like a cokehead Simon Phoenix when his hand is raised.
Evan Dunham over Sean Sherk – JD
Dunham is one of these blue chip kids we are supposed to get excited about. This is no doubt his biggest fight. It’s a decent match up for him, Sherk’s been a 1-D fighter for years. If Sherk can’t get this to the ground he’s going to get out punched. This is what I think happens for 3 rounds.
Evan Dunham over Sean Sherk – Round 3 JD
This is a good test for the Dunham on his meteoric rise. Sherk will do his thing: torpedo doubles and tight stumpy-armed boxing. Dunham is well-rounded and he can finish in a variety of ways. Sherk is tough to sub, so I’ll give Evan the win on points as he attacks from all angles.
Matt Serra over Chris Lytle – JD
Matt Serra’s career has become interesting to me. He’s getting up there in age, and I’m not sure if he’s taking tough fights anymore. He has his dojo, and has made some good coin in his career, so I wonder if he’s ok fighting guys that are past their prime. He can collect wins and checks, but will it get him close to a title fight? I think he deserves a rubber match with GSP, or at least I did after his fight with Hughes, a fight he won IMO. Maybe a rematch with Hughes? That probably wont happen now that Hughes got a fight with BJ. Anyway, Lytle is the same guy he was 5 years ago, a great slugger who cant do shit when he’s put on his back. Matt will do this for three rounds, work subs but never get them, it will be boring, and the fans will boo the same way they did the first time these two fought.
Chris Lytle over Matt Serra – Round 3 JD
I always wonder what could have been for Chris Lytle if he’d ever trained full-time and moved out of stupid Indiana etc. But weirdly people from the Midwest will sometimes love their mediocre little lives. As B*witched once famously said, C’est la vie. Matt Serra likes his pasta so he’s still a bad 170 instead of an average 155, and Lytle is firefighter who throws haymakers. Lytle will create space and win via haymakers… when he impresses the judges with them.
Lil’ Nog over Ryan Bader – TKO Rd 2
Honestly this is a great pick ém fight between two guys who are in that 205 title mix if they win. After Lil’ Nog’s last fight, the easy prediction would be Bader outwrestling him, but I think Bader will try and stand with Nog, and this will be his downfall. Bader does hit very hard, but comes straight at you throwing looping punches that Nog will circle away from, and counter with straight punches that will drop Bader. Nog’s boxing is much better than his older brother, and Bader will give him a chance to show it off tonight.
Antonio Rogerio Nogueira over Ryan Bader – Round 3 JD
Both Nog brothers are great. Minotauro is a fucking legend for what he did in Pride, and he’s still pretty good even though he’s damn worn out. Rogerio is actually more talented in some ways, and we haven’t seen it because he fights in a tougher weightclass and he’s completely mismanaged his career. Rogerio has the great jits, good boxing, and he brings some speed and aggressiveness to the mix. Bader is a big wrestler blah blah punches hard blah. Rogerio just squeaked by in the Brilz fight but I have a feeling this is finally Rogerio’s chance to step into the spotlight. Bader is a fairly conservative fighter, and he’ll get outworked.
Frank Mir over Mirko Cro Cop – Sub Rd 1
This may very well be CC’s exit out of the UFC. Terrible match up for him. Looking at his last 12 fights, he’s fought 1 guy with a dangerous sub game, and that guy kicked his head off. I guess it depends on which Mir shows up. The Mir that gets quick devastating subs, or the Mir that starts slow and can be caught? Everyone talks about CC’s kicks, but his hands are really sneaky. A lot of power in his straight left and his right hook, which is thrown out of that southpaw position and can knock you out. He gets guys watching his legs and then lets his hands go. I’m not sure if we’ll see any of this. Mir will take this fight to the mat quickly, work the arms and get some type of arm submission. Mirko will tap, and then give that “Well, we tried” look he always gives when he loses. IF Mir gets that “I can stand with ANYONE” attitude he’s shown before this will not end well for him, but would provide a really good laugh for me.
Frank Mir over Mirko Cro Cop – Round 1 Submission(Armbar)
Wow what if Cro Cop killed Mir with a left high kick and fled to Croatia which I assume is a non-extradition country? I would join the Insane Clown Posse in declaring this (along with magnets) a miracle. Cro Cop is sadly too old and, despite his recent wins over intimidated opponents, he’s no longer relevant. He’s also too small and too one-dimensional. The scary power is probably still there, but Mir is going to take him down and tap him, so we won’t see it.