Machete Review

Grindhouse was such a great idea yet no one went to see it in theatres. They missed out on what could’ve been considered an “event,” which are few and far between these days. Not only did people miss out on an entertaining double-bill of bloody action/horror movies, they also missed out on another reason to have seen the movie, the fake trailers. The double-bill was broken up by a series of faux trailers created by some of the more talented directors in the industry like Rob Zombie, Eli Roth and Edgar Wright. Robert Rodriguez, director of Planet Terror, also did a trailer called Machete starring his favorite Mexican, Danny Trejo. The response to the trailers was very positive, so much so that some of the directors spoke about doing those films, especially if Grindhouse was a success. Well, we know how that ended, but the dream for Machete didn’t die as Rodriguez took his low-budget idea to FOX and they agreed. And why not, this is the guy who made the Predator franchise good again!

The story follows an ex-Mexican federal officer codenamed Machete who was set up during an attempted rescue of a young woman. After his family is killed in front of him by druglord Torres (Steven Seagal), Machete becomes a day worker in Texas, like many other illegal immigrants. He’s picked up by a business man (Jeff Fahey) who wants Senator McLaughlin (Robert DeNiro) assassinated for his less than politically correct views on immigration. Before he can pull the trigger, Machete is double-crossed and barely escapes alive. Teaming with an immigration officer (Jessica Alba) and a faceless leader of the people (Michelle Rodriguez), he goes on a killing spree for revenge.

In all honesty, I would just call this the last great action movie of the summer just to get my point across. I’m going to write more, but you should stop here and go watch it soon. For the rest of you who like my ramblings, I shall continue.

Machete works as well as the previous Grindhouse movies. It features a familiar story, a great anti-hero in Machete, loads of violence, a little bit of humor and some tits every now and then to make the package complete. It even contains a little bit of story that relates to the current events going on in Arizona, which is more ironic than anything, but it just adds a little bit more to what you’re watching. It’s essentially a guy movie, much like The Expendables, I can’t see too many women liking this, probably after being dragged kicking and screaming to it, but that’s the price you pay for bringing your man to The Last Song.

Everyone plays their roles perfectly, except for maybe Jessica Alba and Lindsay Lohan, but you’re not watching them possible Oscar nominations. Trejo has been the epitome of bad ass for many years and he finally gets to step up to the plate starring in his own movie and he runs with it. From chopping off heads to making out with not one but two beautiful women, he acts as though he’s done all this before…and probably has. Several times. Steven Seagal is probably at his most watchable in years, mostly because it’s not a Seagal movie. DeNiro hams it up as the Senator who hates immigrants. Even Jeff Fahey puts in a good job, which can’t be said for most of his career. Cheech Marin even stops by to give us a few laughs. All in all, a great cast.

If you’re a fan of over the top action and violence, as I’m sure you are still reading this, then you’ll be happy to hear that the movie delivers in this department, which is a must considering the hype over it. People get hacked and stabbed in many ways and body parts, there’s plenty of bullet carnage and even Alba gets to stab a dude in the eye with her shoes.

Rodriguez has been a pretty consistent director ever since he started with a couple thousand dollars and made El Mariachi. From Desperado to From Dusk till Dawn to Predators (which he had a big hand in, though he didn’t direct), his films are always worth a watch and Machete is just another feather in the dude’s cap. Already looking forward to the sequel.

Story: 7 – Typical revenge movie, but it works.

Blood: 9 – If you liked Rambo, Grindhouse and The Expendables, you’re in for a treat.

Boobs: 7 – Gorgeous (topless) women make me happy.

Overall: 8 – Run out and see this great action title before it’s gone!

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