2am Review: Visitor Q

I’ve talked about many messed up movies over the years.  I’ll watch a movie and it has one scene that’ll be worth discussing because of how weird/violent/sexy it was.  It’s not too often that I can sit down and watch a movie and try to figure out what was NORMAL in it.  I present to you one of the strangest movies I’ve ever seen.

Now, one thing to get out of the way is that there aren’t really many names given in this movie. It mostly deals with a family and a guy who visits them. Even if there were names, I wouldn’t remember and I’m not sure anyone would either. So for the sake of making things much easier on us, I’ll just keep it simple. It’d just be “dad”, “mom”, etc. And now, let the weirdness begin.

Directed by Takashi Miike (Audition)
Written by a seriously troubled person, I’m sure
Starring a bunch of Japanese people you’ve never heard of
Blood? Yeah!
T&A? Yeah!
Corpse Sex?  ….why did I put that there?

The film opens with a girl asking a guy questions using a handi-cam. Actually, he’s using the video camera while she takes random pictures. She starts taking her clothes off but he’s really jittery about the whole situation. He seems to want to back out but she’s keeping him there by taking more clothes off, then he starts playing around with her. Clearly, this is a prostitution thing. This is starting to look like one of those weird Japanese porn flicks. At least this chick is hot. The guy is reluctant, saying all this is wrong. She starts helping him take off his clothes. She starts taking pictures and I’m VERY GLAD certain areas are blurred. He takes off the rest of her clothes, verrrrry slowly. He starts kissing her ass while she just stares in the mirror. EEEURRRGGH, the blurring isn’t working too well, whoever’s supposed to be doing this is a SLACKER! They finally get into it, really enjoying it. And seriously, about nine seconds later, the guy blows his loooooeewwwwd. Oh, now everyone’s disappointed. The guy starts questioning what he was doing again while she wants payment of services quickly rendered. She makes fun of him, calling him “early bird” and demands 100,000 yen for coming early. DAMN! He only has 70,000 yen on him. He says he’ll give the rest of the money to her mother. Hmmm, what? He wants her to keep everything a secret, then says she should study in her spare time instead. Waitaminute…

You mean that…

He’s her. . .

And she’s his. . .

He just fucked his own daughter???

Oh, I’m going to be SIIIIIIIICK!

The next day, Dad sits in a building and I’m sure he’s thinking about the different kinds of drugs he mixed together to want to have sex with his daughter last night. Outside, some random guy is smoking and looks over to see Dad just sitting there. He picks up a big rock, looks at it, opens the window and cracks Dad in the back of the skull with it.

And that’s the opening of the movie before the title of the movie appears on screen. Yeaaaah!

At home, Mom (with a hell of a lot of cuts on her hands) is drinking and putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Some bruising around her neck too. I’m noticing a lot of holes and shit in the walls and paper doors. The Son comes home and trashes the place. He doesn’t like the toothbrush she got him so he starts BEATING HER with a stick. She screams for him not to hit her in the face. He tosses her puzzle, then tosses her through a paper door. He puts a “do not enter” sign at the bottom of the staircase and goes upstairs.

In his room, he hangs his beating stick in his closet along with the rest of his tools of torture. Hell of a hobby that kid’s got. He puts on some mask that helps him breathe and lies down until he hears his name being called from outside. He looks outside and some kids start firing fireworks (?) into his room. Mom gets up and walks away before some rocks break through the windows. She goes into her bedroom and takes off her shirt to reveal even more bruising, including the recent ones she just got from her not-so-loving son. She whips out some heroin and injects it into her leg. This has to be the most fucked up family I’ve ever seen on film. What’s sad is I’m pretty sure there are families like this in real life. Anyway, she gets into her own little world and starts putting on some weird green shit on her face. She’s very protective of her face.

Dad’s walking home and keeps looking behind him in case someone cracks him in the back of the head. He looks around one too many times and that same guy pops up and nails him with the rock again! The next scene has both of them eating rice in Dad’s home. I guess this is Visitor Q (whom I’ll call Q for short, and hope he makes some nifty gadgets for James Bond later in the movie). Mom refills Q’s bowl and runs away from her tyrannical son. Dad introduces his son to Q. The kid gives him a weird stare then goes back to the beating of his mother. The dad doesn’t even do anything, he just says goodnight to his new pal and walks away. Q turns on the TV to watch the news and wants some ice for his drink. What luck! Mom gets tosses through another wall by her son just in time to fetch him some ice.

Upstairs in the bedroom, Dad’s watching some TV too, and Mom comes up and wipes that green stuff off her face. She wants her husband to take his pants off but he doesn’t want to. She does it for him and SMELLS HIS PENIS! It immediately reminds her of her daughter for some reason. He says he’s not feeling well and goes to sleep.

Elsewhere, the son is boarding up the holes around his room. Q comes around with the kid’s beating stick, returning it to him, if you will. He sits next to the kid and grabs him and I dunno if he did it or not but it looks like he wiped his nose on the kid’s back. Q says there’s a girl’s bed room downstairs and asks whose it is. It’s his sister’s, so Q lets him go and goes down to take a look. He through her things, using one of her Q-tips (aaaah, I get it!)

Dad can’t sleep so he goes out into the car and starts watching something on his video camera (and no, not his wild romp with his daughter). Apparently Dad is a newsman, he’s watching an interview he was doing with a couple of high school students. They recognize him and start beating him up. The grab his microphone and sticks it. . .up. . .his. . .ass! They film it and laugh. He turns the camera off in disgust. I should be turning this movie off in disgust.

The next morning, Mom hides until Sonny Boy leaves for school and then Dad leaves for working, leaving Q with her. Walking to work, Dad sees some kid getting the crap beat out of him and whips out his camera to take a closer look. It’s his son! So Dad drops the camera and rushes over to his aid. . .actually, he just records the pummeling instead.

Back home, Mom’s in her underwear cleaning all the new cuts on her back. She gets dressed and goes out, but she’s walking with a very noticeable limp.

At a bar, Dad meets up with a female colleague who asks what happened to him. After a quick explanation, he tells her he’s got a great idea to boost ratings. It’d be a show about a father and his bullied son. Wonder where he got THAT idea from. She’s not sure about his ideas since the scandal (quick flashback to the mic up the butt clip). He explains the show will be about him and his own son. She leaves without even hearing the title of the show.

Elsewhere, some guy gets out of the shower (the blur guy has gone back to work), and Mom’s on the bed. Oh my! The guy thought it was pretty cool to do it with a woman who limps. He asks who beat her but she doesn’t really say. He puts his glasses and checks out the marks closely, then look at her. . .y’know. . .closely. I’m just noticing that her nipples are MASSIVELY huge. He pays her, then asks if she could with him with his belt. She really gets into it, then leaves. On the way home, she passes by a kid and gives him the money, in return, he gives her some of the “stuff.”

At home, she injects herself again and I’m sure it feels so illegally good. After a while of just lying on her bed, she goes downstairs and looks a bit disappointed to not find Q there. She looks at the sees some of her jigsaw pieces on the floor. It’s actually a trail of jigsaw pieces. She walks into a room and sees a pile of pieces on a table around a picture of her daughter. Q’s in there and asks her to have a seat on the bed. He sits behind her and starts hugging her before pulling up her shirt and bra. Honest to god, those are some meaty looking nipples! He notices them and starts playing with them. Then starts SQUEEEZING them. She doesn’t seem to mind ANY of this. Eugh, milk is squirting everywhe. ..ARGH, MY EYES, ITS IN MY EYES! After a few minutes of this, Son comes home and sees what’s going on. He is shocked! I’m sure he’d have rather walked in on his parents fucking instead.

At suppertime, everyone’s enjoying the big meal Mom put out. Son wonders why such a big feast but Mom’s just so happy to cook for everyone! That’s a good woman, goooood woman. Son tosses a hot bowl of soup at her to make her scream into the kitchen. She comes back with a cucumber and a big knife. She slices the cucumber into bits and throws the knife at her son! He narrowly dodges it and wonders what the fuck is up with her. Uh oh, the kids are back with their rocks and fireworks. Dad grabs the camera and records it all while screaming. In the middle of it all, he introduces everyone and then admits he doesn’t know who the stranger is. But he’s ok with having him in his house for a few days?

For no reason, the daughter is seen naked, taking a crap somewhere that is not the family home. Ok.

The next day, Son is being bullied again. They got him tied up and squatting. They want him to take a dump in front of them, but he is strongly defiant in not doing it. So one kid starts pissing on him while the others kick dirt on him. In a car not too far away, Dad and his colleague, whom I believe he fucked before, are watching this all go down. Q’s in the back seat with the camera. Dad explains what everyone’s to do, but she thinks it’s stupid and tells him she doesn’t love him. She only pities him and honestly can’t stand the sight of him. Ouch. He starts grabbing at her so she slaps him away. He starts chasing after her as Q follows with the camera. He slaps her around and tearing off her clothes while screaming stuff like, “You don’t like me cause I come early? I’ll give you a long fuck!” Hey, a rape scene! That really completes the movie now. He’s choking her the whole time too, thinking she’s into that shit. So yeah, he ends up choking her to death.

He brings the body back home. . .AND Q IS STILL TAPING ALL OF THIS?? Oh, Dad wants him too. In the backyard, he says he will cut her into little pieces and wants Q to get some garbage bags. He goes inside and asks Mom for some. She takes her clothes off and she’s WEARING some. And she knows how to squirt herself so she tears some holes in the bag and starts squirting. Bleh.

Back outside, Dad is marking all the places where he’s going to cut up the body. Plenty of circles around the breasts. While playing around, he gets a hard on. He flips the camera on again and starts doing a little reporting, still wanting to do the “son getting bulled” angle, talking about what it feels like to be a father through this. It ends up with him saying he wants to have sex. WHAT? OH JESUS NO! N-N-N-N-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

He. . lubss her up and, yeah. He makes a lot of funny noises while TAPING the whole thing. Different positions and all. “You’re dead, but you’re wet,” is the line of the movie, I think. He feels down there and looks at his hand. It’s shit, and he’s amazed by it. Honestly, you’re fucking a corpse and you’re amazed that there’s shit on the ground?

Back inside, my disgust doesn’t end as Mom has just covered the kitchen floor in breast milk. Q’s got an umbrella and is watching the whole thing.

Outside, Dad’s finished, yet he isn’t. Oh, somehow she got reeeaaaally tight. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the man who was fucking a corpse now has his dick stuck inside of it. And I’m watching it. He pulls really hard and can’t get it out of her. He has no other resort but to call his wife for help.

She goes to the store and buys a lot of cooking oil, at least I think it is. At home, she pours it all into a bathtub with Dad and the body. And Q still has the camera on! Dad’s amazed at Mom’s competence, saying she hasn’t been like this since they got married. What, you mean she became borderline retarded after she married you? I wonder why? She runs out but comes back with a syringe. It’s happy time for Daddy! He starts clapping and there’s a loud pop sound. He’s free! Free from the shackles of a dead vagina!

Mom and Dad bring the body out into the living room. The rigor mortis is starting to set in, she’s really stiff so they start massaging the legs to get her limp again. All of a sudden, the trios of bullies come around and start trashing the place. Dad tells Q to keep taping, grabs some tools and runs outside. He takes a knife and slashes one of their throats, then starts using it like a saw in another kid’s skull. The other kid tries to run away but there’s Mom, who throws a screwdriver at him and it impales him through the head. Son arrives to see the end of what’s happened.

Mom goes to the store and buys a bunch of stuff to kill the smell of say, several rotting corpses. Dad and Mom walk off to do some work, as Dad explains how to slice up bodies. Why do I get the feeling he’s done that before? Q goes inside and notices Son lying on the kitchen floor, which as you may or may not remember, is COVERED in breast milk. He’s had some sudden change of conscious, saying that from now on he’ll work hard in school. He asks Q why he came to their home, rephrasing it as, “You came here to destroy it, didn’t you?” Q just smiles and nods, maybe he’s the devil, I dunno. The kid thanks him for coming. Outside, Mom and Dad are having just so much FUN cutting up bodies.

Elsewhere, Daughter is working the streets again and walks up to a guy and brings him to the side of the road, quickly giving him the run down of what she does and for how much. I’ll give you three guesses as to who this guy is. And no, it’s not Dad. Q picks up a rock and smiles. She smiles back, then looks at the rock and frowns.

At home, Daughter shows up, probably for the first time in a while. She’s bleeding from the head. She goes into her room and gets familiar with everything. She hears a noise and looks out the window to see her Mom in the shed, covered in a tarp. Mom is smiling and pulls the tarp back just a bit to see Dad suckling at her teat. She plays with the other nipple as if it’s an invite of some sort. Daughter smiles and goes down to join her father in a little nipple sucking.

And that’s the end of the movie.

Overall: I…I have nothing left to say. What the fuck did I just watch and was there any part that made sense? Damn you Takashi Miike, you’ve fucked with my mind and now I’m completely confused. If you read ALL of that and you know any deeper meanings, please let me know. I’ll give it a 3 out of 10, but that’s ONLY if you’re seriously interested in seeing one of the most messed up films ever. EVER.

-“Lethal” Shaun

Oh fucking puke.

 

 

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