by JAV

Sup folks. Busy day that has included a trip to Wing Stop for mad beer and wings, but yet I’m still here, posting once again for you fucks. Cruelty is as well. You should follow him on Twitter. If I could remember his handle I’d include it. Just check my recent followers, clown ass. We got fights in between Tebow awesomeness, Brazil always has kick ass fans, let’s stop fucking around, I’m italics, Cruelty isnt, LETS GO.

Antonio Carvalho over Felipe Arantes – Round 2 TKO
Antonio was a prospect back in the day when he was fighting in Shooto and no American orgs had smaller weight classes. I think he was even top 5 at one point? He’s a smooth striker who throws clean crisp combos. He’s also a smart fighter and student of the game, but is a little on the chinny side and can spend too much time on the bottom. Felipe is not anything special as far as I can tell. I saw him fight a few years ago at a small event and was much more impressed with his opponent who won that fight. He put together some wins over randoms but I’m still sorta surprised he’s in the UFC again. Cheap local talent? I think Antonio should outclass him with superior kickboxing and put him away in the second.

Felipe Arantes over Felipe Arantes – JD
Two Brazilians to open the card? Makes sense. Neither guy has big wins over quality names on their record, and I’m kind of leaning slugfest. Arantes has a cowboy hat on in his Sherdog pic, making it impossible for me to pick against him. Brazilian Cowboy? WHHHAAAT? Totally buying this gimmick.

Rousimar “Toquino” Palhares over Mike Massenzio – Round 3 JD
Massenzio is high workrate, he’s tough, and he’s a decent wrestler who can brawl a little bit. Toquino is psychopath but he’s also a far superior grappler, and probably even in the striking department. Not a good matchup for Massenzio, but at least Mike showed decent sub defense so he should make it to the judges here.

Toquino Palhares over Mike Massenzio – Sub Rd 1
Who did Palhares piss off to get this low on the card? This dude’s still a borderline stud! Massenzio probably trained some heel hook defense, but not enough. Palhares will rip it clean because all Brazilians hate Americans thanks to Frank Mir.

Gabriel Gonzaga over Edinaldo Oliveira – Round 1 Submission (Arm Triangle)
Gonzaga sorta fell apart over the years. Or maybe he had a couple wins that made him look better than he really ever was? Well he’s fighting a crappy fighter so he should look decent in this one at least. Oliveira is small, wild, and not much of a grappler. Gonzaga hasn’t looked like an ADCC champion, but he might on Saturday. Easy takedown and submission.

Edinaldo Oliveira over Gabriel Gonzaga – TKO Rd 1
Didn’t Gonzaga retire or some shit? I’ve heard a ton of positive shit about Oliveira, and I’m buying into it. Gonzaga’s chin is glassy. Should we be preparing for a wave of HW’s from Brazil in the next few years?

Michihiro Omigawa over Yuri Alcantara – Round 3 JD
Yuri has a sweet win over Felipe Arantes who, if you recall, I talked shit about earlier. Alcantara is wild as a striker and grappler, and actually Omigawa might brawl with him. This could be fun for a few minutes but eventually Omigawa will get a takedown with his judo, and he’ll grind out a decision.

Michihiro Omigawa over Yuri Alcantara – UD
Dammit Omigawa has a mad weird record and this could be a spot where he randomly KO’s this cat. Yuri has a pretty crazy record so this could come down to a pick ‘em fight. Leaning Omigawa cause I still got love for JMMA, and I’ve been day drinking.

Carlo Prater over Erick Silva – Round 1 Submission (RNC)
Prater has been one win away from a UFC invitation for years. He’ll win a few, people will talk about him, then he’ll lose to a UFC reject (for example) and falls down a rung on the ladder. Happily for him, his UFC debut is against a guy who probably doesn’t belong at all. Erick Silva had a quick win in the previous UFC Brazil, but he is a bit too wild to survive for long. Prater will take him down and tap him.

Erick Silva over Carlo Prater – TKO Rd 1
Two points here. 1. Prater is one of these “Can’t ever beat really good guys but gives good guys fits and sometimes wins” cats. 2. Silva is ANOTHER “We better watch this dude, beat some solid guys, and trains with a top team” Brazilian. I think this will be Silva’s coming out party, highlight KO style.

Edson Barboza over Terry Etim – Round 3 JD
We last saw Barboza face another British striker, Ross Pearson in the last UFC Brazil, and I think the rabid crowd and white skin showing damage may have won him that decision. That said, he fought a great fight and don’t get it twisted here… he is a scary dude. Etim uses his length well as a striker, and he tempts people into grappling where he is surprisingly dangerous. Barboza won’t try to wrestle, though, and I think we’ll see another blood and guts standup fight with the Brazilian coming out on top.

Edson Barboza over Terry Etim – JD
Very interesting match up. Both are high level strikers, but the YO YOU DEALING WITH THE XFACTOR could be Etim’s very sneaky ground game/ effective lankyness. I think Barboza will feed off the crowd and throw a bunch of silly kicks that glance off Etim but are enough to win a close fight. Etim should REALLY consider testing Barboza’s ground game.

Thiago Tavares over Sam Stout – Round 3 JD
Tavares will sometimes scrap, but Sam Stout is pretty much a pure striker, and I can’t believe Tavares would be so stupid as to gameplan for kickboxing. Tavares will look for takedowns off punches, just like he did against Spencer Fisher. Tavares doesn’t have great wrestling, but judges will sometimes call the struggle for a single-leg “aggression.” When he does get the takedown, Tavares has great positional bjj and he’ll put Stout in danger right away. Stout is better from the bottom than Fisher, so he’ll survive the full 15 minutes.

Thiago Tavares over Sam Stout – JD
Always been a fan of Tavares style, he fights his ass off every fight, and I’m wondering if Stout’s southpaw style will give him fits. Again, I’m leaning towards all these Brazilians Hulking Up and using the crowd to help push them over with the crowd as well as the judges. Tavares does just enough to steal 2 of the 3 rounds.

Ricardo Funch over Mike Pyle – Round 3 JD
Pyle is a veteran who is going to act as a gatekeeper for mediocre grapplers with gay long hair. Funch has terrible wrestling technique, and terrible stand up. Pyle will actually be the superior striker in this fight, which is a sad statement. Pyle made his living by tapping out wrestlers, but Funch is bjj first, and Pyle won’t catch him. Funch will try for takedowns, and Pyle will strike. Eventually Pyle will spend some time on top and pile up points. Fuck that was an accidental pun I swear. I desperately want to delete it, but I’m leaving it in as penance. I deserve your ridicule for that sentence.

Mike Pyle over Ricardo Funch – JD
Seriously tho, this fight, this high on the card? It’s pretty terrible. Pyle is going to grapplefuck Funch for three rounds, the Brazilians are gonna get super pissed, and chant terrible things at Pyle. Hopefully Mir will be in the building and the Brazilians aim all chants at him. If I was Brazilian I’d be upset that this wasn’t lower on the card.

Anthony Johnson over Vitor Belfort – Round 1 KO
I see that Rumble missed weight by 12 pounds. Twelve pounds isn’t like “I’m so dehydrated I can’t cut the extra few”, it’s like “I can’t do it, so I’m not even going to try.” All anyone talks about with this guy is how he cuts down too far, and apparently moving up to 185 didn’t help him. His manager and trainers should be catching shit for this, just as much as he is. Those guys are responsible for getting him in the cage with all of the bureaucratic shit out of the way. Weigh-ins are a bit beyond filling out paperwork, but it’s still non-fight shit and someone should be in charge of making him have his shit together. A little research tells me that the co-fuckups are Rashad Evans and Mike Van Arsadale. Didn’t MVD go to the Olympic training center? These are guys who should know about weight cuts. There’s a story here that we don’t know. Allow me to float a theory: The last charismatic fighter who habitually missed weight is now staring in a Steven Soderbergh movie. (Note: I’m not talking about Sasha Grey.) Joe Rogan believes the moon landing was staged… what will he say about the conspiracy behind UFC 142: Too Much Dark Meat. Ok so the fight should be fun. There should be a bunch of hands flying, and Belfort falling. Rumble can win this fight with wrestling too, but he won’t need to. Quick knockout, and then he can work on convincing Zuffa not to fire him. The local crowd is going to be PISSED at Rumble so hopefully he doesn’t get knifed on the way to the airport.

Anthony Johnson over Vitor Belfort – Round 1 TKO
You all know how I feel about not making weight. Rumble should be fired regardless of the outcome of this fight. That being said he’s going to take Belfort down, and pound him out pretty easily. Belfort has done a good job beating guys that stand right in front of him and let him launch bombs, Rumble isn’t doing that. Belfort still has the Wandy fight, he’ll be ok. As far as Rumble, here’s a perfect opportunity for Dana to use the “Demote” cause here and send Rumble to StrikeForce, with the other alternative being the door.

Jose Aldo over Chad Mendes – Round 5 JD
I think some people expected Aldo to tear up Kenny Florian, and instead he looked human. He probably lost the first two rounds, but he impressed me in the last three. He didn’t gas, he showed decent takedowns, and he looked heavy when he was on top. Chad Mendes is going to try to wrestle Aldo, because Jose is at a much higher level in the standup department. I think Mendes is going to be a little surprised at how hard he has to work for a takedown. On the ground, Mendes is going to be in danger and when he’s been threatened in previous fights he’s had a tendency to stand up out of the guard. That won’t work this time because Jose will just stand up and put more damage on him. Leg kicks and short combos will wear Chad down and his shots will start to suck. Mendes will have better cardio but he’ll be hurt by the Championship Rounds and that will slow him down. This appears to be a decent style match-up for Jose, despite the equality in skill level.

Jose Aldo over Chad Mendes – TKO Rd 1
Actually torn on this fight. Wondering if Chad can put Aldo on his back for 3 of the 5 rounds. If he can get takedowns early and quiet the crowd this could get VERY interesting. Don’t see it happening tho, or at least don’t have the confidence in Mendes to do so. I think Mendes will be a BIIIITTT too flatfooted, and Aldo goes old skool Aldo and throttles Mendes with strikes, mostly knees. Team Alpha Male better hurry up and get on finding another 145er for Aldo to beat up.

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• stupid

by JAV

Sup scumbags, ya boys are back. On a Friday? You know shit’s about to get weird. So it’s NYE Weekend, and although Cruelty and I miss Pride FC wars with Zulu, Akebono, MINOWAMAN, and Tank Abbott, we’ll take what we can get. As always, I’m ITALICS, he aint, LETS GOOOOOO.

Diego Nunes over Manny Gamburyan – TKO Rd 1
Manny tends to get hit a little way too much for my liking because he’s on some “I’m tough cause I’m Armenian” shit. I’ve met a few nuts like this. It never ended well for them, and it won’t end well for Manny either. Diego has some solid stand up and I’m assuming learned to pace himself after the K-Flo fight. Diego will 2-piece him.

Manny Gamburyan over Diego Nunes – Round 3 JD
Nunes looked good against Kenny Florian, but only for a round. He has talent but his cardio is shit and I think Manny will force him to work. Maybe he trained his cardio between fights but that’s not part of the Brazilian culture, so I doubt it. Brazilian has a rich multi-ethnic heritage, but only the Japanese part is hard-working and anyway how great have the Japanese fared in the UFC? Let’s read from wiki: “This diverse cultural background has helped boast many celebrations and festivals that have become known around the world.” See? That doesn’t say a fucking thing about getting up early to go running. Nunes will pick Manny apart for the first round, and struggle through the next two. Manny will try for takedowns and wing punches for 15 minutes, and thus Manny wins by being more aggressive.

Matt Riddle over Luis Ramos – JD
I’m wondering when we bail on “Riddle is still young and learning” and go with “Dude that got a bunch of fights in the UFC because of TUF”. Ramos has a ton of unimpressive W’s and a KO loss in his only UFC appearance? I’m taking Riddle to grind out a JD.

Matt Riddle over Luis Ramos – Round 3 JD
Is the Riddler going to be in the next Batman? Will Matt Riddle wear shorts with question marks like that guy who writes books about getting government money for your bullshit small business? I actually met that guy, Matthew Lesko, when I was working at a restaurant in DC. He was wearing his question-mark suit and people were staring at him. He was loving the attention so I totally no-sold his bullshit, just to spite him. It was probably the most professionally I ever treated a customer at that job. Anyway, Matt Riddle is a mediocre wrestler and very awkward striker. I haven’t seen much of Luis Ramos, except that he looks a bit like a guy in the documentary “Waste Land.” That is an excellent, excellent movie for those of you who are willing to read subtitles AND watch a documentary. I think that movie is worth the trouble but I suspect our readership here prefers torture porn to inspirational stories about art and the human spirit. Meanwhile, my prediction for his last fight was totally right-on, so I will now quote myself: “Ramos stands up straight and slides around without moving his head, so I think he gets blasted.” That fight lasted 40 seconds. Well Riddle can’t box for shit so he’s not in as much danger. Riddle will take him down, and Ramos is Nova Uniao so he might have good jits. I’ll still pick Ramos to lose a decision, but I’ll be rooting for him to hit a quick sub so we can move on to a fight that matters.

Jacob Volkmann over Efrain Escudero – TKO Rd 2
Is Escudero the worst TUF champion of all time? Probably not statistically, but I cant think of a TUF champ that is this irrelevant. The kid finally breaks back into the UFC and he gets fucking Volkmann? Perhaps this should be the new way to treat TUF champs. Fuck building them up, let’s put them in there with beasts already. Volkmann’s going to use his wrestling advantage to give Efrain fits and finish with G & P later in the fight.

Jacob Volkmann over Efrain Escudero – Round 3 JD
Efrain looked good enough on TUF that I actually thought he had a bright future. So far he has been a disappointment. If we met in person, I would give him the slow headshake with a slight frown and he’d be like “Leave me alone bro.” Volkmann is awkward but his wrestling is effective and Efrain is not scary enough to threaten him. Volkmann with a little gnp and the win. Wow, this card is not looking very fun so far.

Sean Pierson over Dong Hyun Kim – TKO Rd 1
I’m wondering two things here. 1. Did Condit expose Stun Gun for having a bad chin? 2. Can Pierson use his great stand up to KO Stun Gun? I’m thinking yes, and yes. Pierson catches Stun Gun early after some failed take down attempts and drops him, then finishes with strikes on the ground. We will then sit back and try and figure out why it took guys so long to do this to Stun Gun in the first place.

Dong Hyun Kim over Sean Pierson – Round 3 JD
Pierson showed some good boxing in previous UFC bouts, but got caught in his last fight with Ellenberger. Kim is strong but he doesn’t have KO power as far as we’ve seen. Pierson will probably want to use his boxing advantage and Kim will want to clinch. Kim has dealt with good boxers before, and coming off a brutal TKO loss I think he’ll be conservative. Kim will clinch, hit a trip, and win with gnp.

Danny Castillo over Anthony Njokuani – JD
We should probably start keeping an eye on Castillo. Dude’s got great wrestling, works with a great team, and once he gets some solid stand up game, is gonna be scary. Njokuani is a guy that is exciting as hell to watch when someones willing to stand with him. That wont be Castillo, who’s going to swarm him and pressure him with grappling early. 3 rounds worth of takedowns coming up!

Danny Castillo over Anthony Njokuani – Round 2 TKO
This is classic grappler vs striker with two action fighters, and I’m hoping the pace will wake us all up after a string of very slow fights. Castillo trains with Team Alpha Male, but I don’t hate him like I hate the other guys. He has a great double, and throws serious volume from top position. Njokuani will try to use his kicks to keep distance, and sprawl when he can’t. I think Castillo will be able to spend most of this fight on top, and eventually Njokuani will get himself in trouble trying to get up. Castillo will get a dominant position in a scramble, and pound Njo out.

Ross Pearson over Junior Assuncao – JD
As bulky as Pearson is, he’s fighting at 145? Holy shit. Assuncao isn’t taking him down, and his stand up wont match up with Ross’ slick boxing. Pearson beats on Junior for 3 rounds.

Ross Pearson over Junior Assuncao – Round 3 TKO
Junior has a pretty good top game but his takedowns aren’t great. Pearson has excellent boxing and his takedown defense is good, and getting better fight by fight. I think we’ll see that Pearson is the more advanced fighter, though both have great tools. Pearson will pile up damage with boxing between stuffing takedown attempts. Eventually Assuncao will slow down and Pearson will work for the finish.

Nam Phan over Jim Hettes – TKO Rd 2
See this is how TUF guys build those records up. This should be an easy fight for Nam. Hettes is crazy inexperienced, will be dumb enough to trade with Nam, and Nam is going to break him down with body work and peppering punches.

Nam Phan over Jim Hettes – Round 3 JD
The experience deficit between these fighters is extreme. Phan has been in wars for 10 years, and Hettes has only been in 8 quick wins in small shows before one competitive fight against Bruce Leroy. Phan is not fantastic, but he is not going to get tapped in 2 minutes like the randoms Hettes beat in Northeast regional shows. Phan has great body shots that will overwhelm and demoralize Hettes. By the second round, Hettes will be desperate and things will get worse. Big third round by Phan and an easy decision.

Alexander Gustafsson over Vladimir Matyushenko – KO Rd 1
Initially I was taking Vlad via TKO, I don’t think Alex’s chin has been tested yet, but Vlad’s take down defense is terrible and Gustafsson was smart enough to take all previous decent strikers down and submit them, so I assume he’s going to do the same here. Janitor should consider training fighters from here on out if he loses this one.

Alexander Gustafsson over Vladimir Matyushenko – Round 2 TKO
Gustafsson has faced some decent opponents but how will he deal with someone UNDEFEATED IN THE IFL?? I love Vladdy but Gustafsson is a very promising fighter who should pick him apart. Gustafsson will use length and athleticism to outstrike and damage Vladdy. I was disappointed by Gustafsson’s low workrate in his fight with Hamill, but I think he’ll turn up the volume against this tougher opponent. This is an appropriate test to see if Gustafsson is going to continue as a prospect or stall out.

Johny Hendricks over Jon Fitch – KO Rd 1
Yes, my official “JAV DONE LOST IT” pick of the day. Here me out tho. Fitch is coming off a huge layover, and has only fought 3 times in the last two years. Ring rust will play a factor in this fight. Hendricks is a REALLY good wrestler, and I believe can stuff Fitch’s take down game, and force this into a stand up fight. This is where Hendricks will unleash that big right hand and put Fitch to sleep. I swear this isn’t me talking myself into this pick because Fitch is boring. SWEAR.

Jon Fitch over Johny Hendricks – Round 3 JD
Hendricks has risen to the level in the Welterweight division where it is his honor to lose to either Thiggy Alves or Jon Fitch. For whatever reason, he drew Fitch. What that means is that his loss will be a tough clinchfest, rather than a three rounds of leg kicks. Fitch’s grappling will really be tested, and Hendricks could always land a big punch because he has power that Fitch does not. The wildcard will be Fitch’s submissions, which could come in a scramble when Hendricks is in 100% wrestling mode. I’m picking Fitch to win a close and debated decision by scoring a couple brief takedowns, and winning the dirty boxing.

Donald Cerrone over Nate Diaz – JD
Egads am I really picking someone to beat Nate? I cant remember the last time I did this, if ever. Unlike everyone else, I’ve been a believer in Cerrone for a few years now. He always brought it in the WEC and I knew once he figured out the ground game would be a beast. Nate isn’t going to have a chance to use his BJJ, it’s going to be a stand up fight, and Nate’s gonna be getting clipped with kicks and straight punches all night. This has the blueprint for a war, and I think it becomes one rather quickly. Afterwards, Nick will call out Cerrone, and fight Condit and Cowboy in the same night.

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone over Nate Diaz – Round 3 JD
I’ve become a Cowboy Cerrone believer. His muay Thai is brutal, and I like it over Nate’s boxing. Cowboy is gonna force Nate into a long kickboxing match and Nate is gonna get battered in a way that is pretty rare for him. Nate found his power recently and I think he’ll hurt Cowboy a bit too, but Cerrone edges out the fight. Leg kicks over jabs in the scoring? This time at least

Alistair Overeem over Brock Lesnar – Round 2 KO
These guys are scary, but they are also flawed. That’s how it goes in the HW division it seems. Both guys could potentially have cardio problems, both guys struggle to handle damage, and both guys are coming off personal problems. I wonder who was able to have a smoother training camp. With all of that nonsense, I feel damn confident this isn’t going 5 rounds. Either guy could land a big shot and it would be over. I was extremely unimpressed by his fight vs Werdum, but I’m still picking Overeem in the end because I believe a bit more in his accuracy. Both guys will likely be tentative, and in the brief exchanges I think it’s more likely Overeem will land. Brock will try for takedowns without really setting them up, and that will leave him briefly vulnerable each time. Alistair lands a big one as Brock tries to reset off a stalled shot.

Brock Lesnar over Alistair Overeem – TKO Rd 2
Goddamn I am so torn on this fight. I know I say that every card, credit to the UFC for making tough match ups. We finally get Reem, the haters can pipe down because he’s passed his tests, (For now at least) and they throw his ass right into the fire with Lesnar. This is pretty easy to break down. Lesnar is the best HW wrestler/grappler in the world (Suck on that Barnett fans) who doesn’t know how to take a punch. Overeem is the greatest HW striker in the world, but his grappling is suspect. And it has been for 10 years. Now he’s going to take on the best grappler in the world? This fight should go one of two ways. Either Reem knocks Brock out and looks dominant, or Lesnar grapplefucks the shit outta Reem and looks dominant. AS I’M TYPING THIS I AM LITERALLY CHANGING MY MIND FOR THE 79347546769 TIME. But I’m leaning Brock to bull rush Reem, grab a double leg, and pound out Reem and wear him and those big muscles out. Come the second round, Reem will be done, and Brock will smash him the way he did Mir. It’s gonna be brutal. Sherdog will explode. I will laugh.

END OF THE YEAR AWARDS:

Fight Of The Year: Shogun-Henderson
This may be the greatest fight I’ve ever seen. No bullshit. Two fantastic fighters beating the absolute crap out of each other for 5 rounds, and at the end most scored it a draw. It was like Rocky I but for real. As great as it was, these two should never fight each other again, because fights like that take time off of your career, and LIFE SPAN.

Fight of the Year: Edgar – Maynard II
This was Hollywood drama played out for real. I’m an Edgar fan, and this fight further solidified it. Coming back after getting dropped over and over was nothing short of heroic.

Fighter Of The Year – Jon Jones
You finish Bader, Shogun, Rampage, and Machida in the same year? This is just as good of a run Shogun had a few years back when he won the GP and we were all crowning his ass. And the real scary thing? He’s only just begun.

Fighter of the Year: Dan Henderson
I’m going against the Jon Jones grain here, and it’s not entirely due to my desire to be contrary. Henderson had wins over some very big names in the sport, and he was responsible for some of the best fights. His punching power was on serious display as was his heart. He’s an old man in this sport but in 2011, but my opinion of him went from “Wow ok, I guess he’s still relevant” to “This guy may be one of the best of all time.”

Round of the Year: Diaz – Daley 1st and only Round
I think Nick Diaz is now my favorite fighter to watch. I always loved him as a personality but his nasty body shots and cardio-as-a-weapon was perfected in 2011, and this round was a great example of it. Daley has power and hurt Diaz a few times here to make it even more fun to watch.

Round Of The Year: Chandler – Alvarez Rd 1
Just when you think UFC will dominate all of our awards BOOM BACK TO BACK NON UFC EVENTS. SUCK ON THAT MMA AWARDS. With this fight you could probably pick any round, but the 1st was a fucking barnburner Frye/Takayama level violence. Both guys getting floored, both guys throwing bombs, it was like a fucking video game.

Style/Technique of the Year: Kara-tay KICK
In previous years we have talked about the rise of certain weightclasses, or the rise of certain camps. This year I think the rise of Karate kicking technique in MMA deserves a mention. For a long time we MMA fans have mocked “McDojos” and katas and all of that bullshit, but last year we saw Steven FUCKING Segal in the corner of an MMA champion. ASilva and Machida each had shocking facekick knockouts in the first quarter of the year, and this is a copycat sport so it wasn’t long before we saw fights start to look a little more like kung-fu movies. We saw people start to use the sidekick as a jab, we saw people start using this semi-legal sidekick to the knee, and we saw the return of the frontkick as a viable finishing weapon. Anderson Silva, Georges St. Pierre, and Jon Jones are all top 5 pound for pound fighters and they all use these types of techniques as a major component of their offense. For last year at least, the most effective modern fighters used some of the oldest techniques.

Technique Of The Year: H-Bomb
Can you remember the last time a guy was so predictable, but yet nobody could stop it? EVERYONE knows you avoid the Henderson right hand, and yet nobody could do it. NOBODY. Jones beats you with a toolbox worth of crazy shit, Hendo beats you with one thing, the H-Bomb.

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• stupid

by JAV

Sup folks, gotta fly, you know the drill, I’m italics, Cruelty isnt, SUPER MEGA LETS GO.

John Cholish over Mitch Clarke – Round 2 RNC
I was scouring YouTube to see some old Mitch Clarke fights to see if he’s anything more than a collegiate wrestler, and I came across a video interview with Mitch wearing an nWo black & white shirt. 4 life? Wow is Canada that far behind? I was in Toronto on Wednesday and saw no indication that it was in-fact 1999 there. Do you feel like you’ve learned anything from this preview thingie so far? Both guys are great wrestlers but Cholish is bringing extra hype for having a good submission game, and I’m really unimpressed with Clarke’s gnp. Cholish is also a good wrestler and I like that he’s a student to the game, and he’s a bit more explosive.

John Cholish over Mitch Clarke – Sub Rd 2
Damn you John for having one of those names that could also be spelled like “Jon” forever confusing the shit out of me. Clarke has a solid ground game, wondering if he can give Cholish fits on the mat? Potential cross each other out skillset? Still leaning Cholish.

Rich Attonito over Jake Hecht – Round 3 JD
How the fuck has Rich Attonito been in like 6 UFC fights and I can’t remember a single one? He was on TUF but sorta sucked right? Bald guy with tattoos…nope that doesn’t help. I’m not as hardcore as I used to be but still not a good sign, and he’s 5-1. Against bad talent, but still. Anyway Hecht is making his UFC debut against a guy who is apparently (???) a seasoned UFC vet. Remember that department store Hecht’s? Fuck that place.

Rich Attonito over Jake Hecht – TKO Rd 2
I hate leaning on Cruelty’s posts, it’s an advantage I get for posting, but holy shit is he right. I remember he was on TUF, but didn’t do anything memorable, and I remember he beat up Yager after Yager came out throwing crazy ninja shit. That’s about it. I didn’t even know he recently beat up Ninja Roberts. Here’s yet another example why we gotta start spreading these PPV’s out more. One every other week’s a bit excessive, even for me. Anyways Attonito drops him later in the fight, and we won’t remember.

Nik Lentz over Mark Bocek – Round 3 JD
Andy Dalton is having a helluva season. Last time Bocek fought I believe I talked shit about Dalton, and I was crazy wrong. I’m smart about football but I fucking suck at appraising QB talent. But I’m not bad at recognizing that Nik Lentz will make this a very boring slow fight. Nik Lentz is funny, but damn he will hold a fucker down and waste 15 minutes of our MMA-watching lives. Bocek is too easily held down by good wrestlers and it’ll probably happen.

Nik Lentz over Mark Bocek – JD
Love me some “Carny”. It really is the greatest nickname. I wonder if it was given to him because he kinda looks like one, or if it has some other hidden meaning. Bocek has a few decent W’s under his belt, it’s probably why he sticks around the undercard. Didn’t know his last fight was versus Bendo, that was a while ago. Nik will win two of the three rounds because Bocek can be suckered into trading and getting away from his bread and butter, grapplefucking you.

Yves Jabouin over Walel Watson – Round 1 KO
Wale’s “Chillin feat. Lady GaGa” is a great song. This statement probably destroyed both my Wale cred and my Lady GaGa cred, but if I can’t speak the truth on this website than the terrorists really have won. This guy has an extra “L” on his name, and I’m not sure how much less cool that makes him than Wale. Yves is going to beat guys who aren’t great wrestlers, so he’ll beat Walel. Yves uses big technique and actually lands it pretty often. In his recent Ian Loveland fight I noted the way he uses his sidekick like a teep or jab to keep grapplers at a distance. This was a step in evolution for him and I’m curious to see him continue his development. Not really in this fight, though, in this fight I think he’ll just fucking kick Walel’s face in.

Yves Jabouin over Walel Watson – JD
Shit Walel was some pretty decent wins under his belt as well, this has FIAHWERKS written all over it. Love me some Jabouin, classic “Thank you for lighter divisions Dana now I can get my shine on” dudes that’s got way too much experience and that’ll be the difference in stealing a close fight.

John Makdessi over Dennis Hallman – Round 2 TKO
This will be fun: Two fights in a row where guys are gonna throw spinning kicks. Hallman showed his balls in Philly, and I was there. True story. Makdessi has good takedown defense, and he should put a bunch of damage on Hallman before the finish. No guarantee on balls being displayed.

Dennis Hallman over John Makadessi – Sub Rd 1
When I hear a fighter say “My ground game is ok, but his wont matter when I punch him in the face!” My first thoughts are now “Oh so your ground game isn’t on par with his. That’s what’s going to happen here. And what happened to him being shitcanned anyway?

Jared Hamman over Constantinos Philippou – Round 3 KO
When Constantinos faces strikers, he apparently tries to make the fight into a terrible grappling match for a few minutes until he gases. That makes him awesome to watch. Jared Hamman will try to throw hands, get taken down, the crowd will boo, CP will get tired, then Jared will knock him out.

Jared Hamman over Constantinos Philippou – TKO Rd 2
Holy shit I remember Hamman used to be a HW fighting for EXC. I’m blown away by him being able to cut to 185 now. Philippou trains with Longo with his hands, probably the most slept on striking coach in this sport, so maybe he knocks Hamman out? Philippou has a funny tattoo on his chest of a pitbull with boxing gloves on. That’d be awesome if he was a boxer? And the gloves are so big it’s not like he can fix them to look like MMA gloves. Lesson to be learned kids, be careful when you ink yourself.

Krzysztof Soszynski over Igor Pokrajac – Round 1 Submission (Kimura)
Fuck they love putting Polish Kryz into fights with other guys who have crazy names. Bruce Buffer must be dreading this intro. Igor gets some love because he throws high-kicks and he’s Croatian, but he’s not a great fighter. Kryz is going to take him down and tap him.

Krzysztof Soszynski over Igor Pokrajac – Sub Rd 2
Initially wondering if Pokrajac can fuck up K-Sos standing, but remembering that K-Sos went toe-to-toe with Bonnar for a while before getting KTKO. K-Soz stands with him for a round or so before taking it to the mat and grabbing an arm.

Mark Hominick over Chan Sung Jung – Round 3 JD
This fight was put together to showcase Hominick’s high-volume striking, and Jungs high-zombie-strength chin. Hominick will be able to stay outside and land punches to impress the judges. Jung might have a small advantage on the ground, but Hominick is sound and won’t get tapped if it goes to the mat.

Mark Hominick over Chan Sung Jung – TKO Rd 1
Korean Zombie is Dana’s version over MINOWAMAN. He may not be as awesome as MINOWAMAN but he’ll fight anyone anytime, and it’s going to be exciting as fuck. Will the death of Hominick’s trainer factor in this fight, like Mick’s death obviously affected Rocky Balboa? I’m guessing no, and Zombie gets slept early, and Mark gets launched right back into a fight with Aldo.

Claude Patrick over Brian Ebersole – Round 3 JD
Ebersole is a Wildman but the time for joking is over. HE’S FACING A FORMER TORONTO DRAGON AND THOSE GUYS DON’T FUCK AROUND, EH? The Canadians I met with on Wednesday actually did say “eh” all the time, and random strangers struck up hockey smalltalk with me. Sometimes stereotypes are true. Next thing I’ll find out that black people are good at basketball. So Patrick is black (how about that segue??) and he’s a much better athlete than Ebersole. He will fight a normal fight and win by scoring with more strikes. Ebersole will prance around and never find the submission he needs.

Brian Ebersole over Claude Patrick – JD
In my best Joe Rogan voice, “EBERSOLE HAS 60 MMA FIGHTS!!! 60!!!” Patrick may be able to equalize the ground game, but I’m not sure. And if he does will he be able to trade with a guy with SIXTY GODDAMN FIGHTS? I aint buying it.

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira over Tito Ortiz – Round 2 KO
Lil Nog just faced two powerhouse wrestlers, and now he’s facing a junior college wrestler who lost on The Apprentice. Will the results be the same? I say nay. Tito will not overwhelm Nog, and Nog will be able to land punches that Tito can’t take any more.

Antonio Rogerio Nogueira over Tito Ortiz – TKO Rd 2
This is a cute way to send Tito out right? Does this guy fucking get it anymore? He should be asking to fight Mark Coleman. I don’t think he realizes this is the same way it ended for Chuck. A decent win (Wandy in Chuck’s case) in between a string of bad losses on your way out. I’d be BLOWN A FUCKING WAY if Tito could somehow find a way to choke out a Nog Bro. Nog keeps it standing and beats the crap out of Tito, and as much as I love Lil’ Nog, I’m going to be sad for Tito.

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira over Frank Mir – Round 3 JD
Wow a pair of early-2000s dream fights in a row, starring two brothers that look like crumpled up brown paper bags with glue-on googly eyes! I like that. In his most recent fight, Minoauro went in looking fat at 245, but he wasn’t THAT slow. He probably got heavy before coming off hip and knee surgery so I expected him to look flabby and have no cardio, but that didn’t come into play against Schaub. He landed a long brutal combo and kept his career alive. He’s lighter for this fight and may be faster? In his recent fights Frank Mir has shown some flashes of kickboxing prowess, and his cardio only medium sucks now. He’s been powerlifting, and living as a vegetarian. I wasn’t 100% sure about that, and in researching to confirm it I discovered that peas are high in protein. Probably because they are seeds and need protein to grow the baby plant? SCIENCE! This will turn into another kickboxing match and I like Mir here because he is the better athlete at this point in their careers.

Frank Mir over Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira – TKO Rd 2
I’d fucking LOVE to sit here and lie to you guys, but I think Nog has no shot in this fight. His body is done. His chin is done. His reflexes are done. The Schaub KO came after Schaub got lazy on defense and let Nog fucking TEE OFF on him. And Schaub was catching Nog early in that fight as well, I’m not fucking bullshitting myself, or any of you. Mir’s body hasn’t been in half the wars Nog has, Mir’s done a better job of not taking excessive damage over a 10 year period, and that’s why he’ll win.

In 20 years from now our grandkids or nephews or fucking whoever are going to say “Mir must have been better then Nog because he knocked him out twice.” It’s our individual responsibility to slap those kids, tell them they don’t know shit, and that Nog was the second greatest HW from 2000-2010 when the sport was taking off, Nog fought EVERYONE, held belts all over the world, and was quite possibly the best ambassador that the sport has ever seen. And if you look at the overall records the fucking numbers don’t lie. And if you haven’t said to yourself “Jay is being a fucking Pride mark fanboy” I’ll fucking say it for you.

Jon Jones over Lyoto Machida – Round 3 TKO
This could certainly be a dynamic fight, or it could be another Bones Jones massacre. Machida’s crazy style seemed invincible before the Shogun loss, and dropping Randy with some ninja shit only did so much to restore his mystique. Machida is an interesting challenge for any fighter but his traditionalness is unorthodox in modern martial arts. That sentence was confusing to write. Anyway, I’m curious to see how he’ll handle Jones… who uses unusual technique himself. If Lyoto can solve that puzzle, then Jones will still have wrestling to fall back on. With a mix of standup and gnp, Jones will pile up damage quickly, and finish in the third.

Jon Jones over Lyoto Machida – JD
I can totally see Jon Jones pacing himself badly, winning the first 3 rounds, running out of gas going into the championship rounds, and Machida hulking up and grabbing the last two rounds similar to Hendo-Shogun. That’s what I think will happen. I know I questioned Bones mental toughness last time and he proved me wrong, and could very well continue to prove me wrong with the above thoughts, but I’m not hating on Bones as much as its my confidence in Machida being a very good fighter who studies tape, has solid game plans, and has been a champion before. Machida comes on late, but too late, and Bones continues to piss off half the MMA community for being too nice.

Enjoy the fights!

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• stupid

by JAV

Sup folks? We’ve returned from the UFC On FOX, also known as “The Day Dana Shit His Pants On National Television”. We’ve got a stacked as fuck card headlined by two legends, a No. Cal legend, and THE Legend, Wandy Silva. Let’s stop fucking around with the oakie doke and get shit moving. You know the drill. I’m ITALICS, Cruelty is not, LETS GO!!

Danny Castillo over Shamar Bailey – Round 2 TKO
Castillo has been severely outwrestled in his previous two UFC fights, but both times he found a few openings to employ his wild striking game. Volkmann shut him down, but I don’t think Shamar is good enough to hold him down. This is a well-made fight because we’ll find out where the guys are in terms of skill: Shamar thinks he can wrestle and Castillo thinks he can sprawl-and-brawl. I think neither is UFC LW quality but this way we decide who to cut. Speaking of cutting, Shamar struggled and still didn’t make weight so he may not be in great shape. When Shamar slows down, Castillo will land a wild flurry.

Danny Castillo over Shamar Bailey – JD
Shamar came in like 3 lbs. overweight, this would be the PERFECT time for Dana to go into “You don’t wanna fuck around” mode and cut this kid, and show the future TUF fighters that weight cut is important and fuck excuses. Castillo got that Alpha Male camp pedigree so maybe he takes Shamar down? Shamar showed hella chin last fight, I’m torn, but going Castillo to win two of the three.

Matt Brown over Seth Baczynski – Round 3 JD
Brown spent a good deal of his fight with Doomsday Howard on the bottom, and the argument here is that Seth can win by getting on top earning a decision. Brown stays busy, though, and I don’t love Seth’s top-control. Brown will be the more active fighter on the feet and from the bottom, and that will sway the judges.

Seth Baczynski over Matt Brown – TKO RD 2
I’m all in on Baczynski as a solid addition to this division. Kid fights like a Mini-Fedor. Brown is game as fuck and I’m wondering if this turns in to an epic brawl and sprawl battle. Brown has been in more grappling matches recently and maybe he’s game for a brawl? I’m thinking he gets caught and dropped during a scramble and punched in the head until the ref steps in.

Miguel Torres over Nick Pace – Round 1 TKO
When I saw pace fight in Philly he was treated as a hometown fighter, coming from Team Tiger-Schulman which is vaguely local, and he proceeded to stink up the place. Menjivar worked him over pretty good, and Torres is a much more dangerous fighter. Torres is going to put volume strikes on Pace including some nasty leg kicks, and Pace won’t be safe even if he get take the fight to the ground. Both guys struggled to make weight but Pace isn’t even close. I don’t know the backstory but I don’t think the talent-level is close enough for the weight-cut to matter.

Miguel Torres over Nick Pace – JD
In two weeks we’ll be watching Torres on MMA Live talking about how he wanted to take more chances, saw spots, saw chances for sub finishes, but stuck to his game plan and won the fight easily. BTW Torres keeps falling further and further down the card. Sigh.

Rafael dos Anjos over Gleison Tibau – Round 3 KO
I love Rafael’s sideburns, but I’m only lukewarm on his chances for this fight. Tibau is pretty good at holding guys down for two rounds to win a decision, but he looks very slow and hitable on his feet. Tibau cleaned up his punches but his footwork is still garbage. I will be watching to see if this has improved, and if it hasn’t Rafael dos Anjos can put him to sleep. I’m splitting the difference with this pick, and predicting that RdA lands a big shot after Tibau tires from his trademark 2-Round Blanket Attack.

Rafael dos Anjos over Gleison Tibau – JD
RdA is back!! Fresh of the G-Sot SHOCKER, I’m concerned he’s going to be throwing more leather now and not working his strong sub game, this could be a bad thing. Shit Tibau is a grinder as well, this has the potential for GRAPPLEFUCK!! Any grapplefucking in San Jose will get hit with boo birds with the quickness. I say RdA out grinds Tibau in a match where Dana spends majority of the time reading Twitter.

Chris Weidman over Tom Lawlor – Round 2 RNC
Weidman is raw but very impressive. He’s a powerful wrestler who loves to grab for submissions because he’s a good enough wrestler to recover if he misses. He completely manhandled Jesse Bongwater in his last fight, and he’s facing another inferior wrestler in Lawlor. I enjoy Lawlor but he’s not technically proficient enough to catch Weidman or defend the wild subs for long.

Tom Lawlor over Chris Weidman – TKO RD 1
Weidman has 2 impressive W’s in the UFC, I’m wondering if he turns this into a GRAPPLEFUCK. Lawlor’s got a pretty strong wrestling base and is gonna test the kids chin. I think he catches him, the kid gets Stanky Leg with it, and Lawlor pounces on him for the finish. Goofyness will ensue.

Michael McDonald over Alex Soto – Round 3 JD
I already used up my “Michael McDonald the singer” jokes in a previous preview, so this fight brings me no joy. Both guys are ostensibly grapplers but they aren’t fantastic wrestlers. I’m worried they will stalemate in some lame clinchfest with neither guy willing to go to their back. There could be footstomps and other lameness. I can’t quite tell which guy’s mediocre bjj is better, so I’ll pick the UFC vet on the basis of “octagon jitters” messing up Soto’s footstomp game.

Alex Soto over Michael McDonald – Sub RD 2
Soto got mad wins in Mexico, so you know he’s the real deal. This could be less of a grapplefuck and more of a high paced grappling match with sub attempts and takedowns and guys giving up their backs, entertaining type shit. I think Soto catches an arm sometime in the 2nd and finishes.

Ryan Bader over Jason Brilz – Round 3 JD
These two good wrestlers are coming of back-to-back losses. Bader got the best of Lil’ Nog who is a recent common opponent, which is a fact that would matter in other sports and means very fucking little in this one. Bader is the better striker and wrestler. Bader should and may look to keep this standing, and that’ll win him the fight on points. Both guys will have shit cardio so don’t expect a ballet of violence in the third. It may look a bit more like 2:45am in the street outside a Vegas strip club… just wild swinging.

Ryan Bader over Jason Brilz – JD
Poor Ryan Bader. He had a solid run before getting caught in back-to-back chokes. Will he ever shake the “Ortiz’s last win” black cloud? The same pity could be felt for Brilz. People got excited over his close fight with Lil’ Nog, then he gets ETHER’D by The Janitor? Ay yi yi. Anyway, Bader is the better wrestler, and should be able to get more takedowns then Brilz. Wu-Tang said it best Bader, Protect Ya Neck.

Kyle Kingsbury over Stephan Bonnar – Round 3 JD
Bonnar has been injured and on the shelf for almost a year. If it wasn’t for the long layoff, I would give him a chance but coming into this fight rusty will doom him. Kingsbury will gnp while Bonnar tries to work his guard game. You can’t simulate getting facepunched in front of millions, and I think Bonnar will wear himself out trying to escape. Both guys will be gassed by the third (I’ve said that for like half of these fights… fucking bodybuilder wrestler types) and Bonnar will win the third with his standup. Close decision win for Kingsbury based on his earlier ground dominance.

Stephan Bonnar over Kyle Kingsbury – TKO RD 2
I’m just not impressed with Kingsbury. His best win was versus Romero, and the jury is still out on Romero. Bonnar is well versed and I’m not sure Kingsbury will be able to keep him hemmed up the entire fight. I think Bonnar catches him later in the fight and finishes with clinch knees and punches.

Rick Story over Martin Kampmann – Round 3 JD
The top four fights on this card are fucking awesome. Story and Kampmann have both been working their way up the Welterweight ladder, and they’re both fairly young. It’s good to have some new faces on the scene, because Fitch-Alves-GSP has gotten a little stale. Story relies on his athleticism more than technique with his standup, and Kampman will outclass him if that’s where the fight stays. I don’t see that happening, though. Story will get on top, and Kampmann will counter with attacks from guard. I was impressed with Story’s bjj in his loss to Brenneman, so I think he’ll keep himself safe. Three gnp decisions in a row, but I think this one will look slick. Both guys are gonna be hovering around the top of the weight-class for the next couple years for sure.

Martin Kampmann over Rick Story – JD
This fight is pretty awesome. Story was on a tear before getting caught by The Spainard in a Texas Switch due to injury fight. I still think Kampmann is in the mix of top 170ers, you could legit argue that he got robbed in decision losses to Sanchez and Shields. He trains with a top team, has CRAZY hands, and has developed some great grappling skills. I think Kampmann will be able to stuff majority of the takedowns, work his great hand combos, and steal two of three rounds in what could end up being a very close fight.

Urijah Faber over Brian Bowles – Round 3 JD
There was a time when I thought Brian Bowles was so well-rounded that he was going to enjoy a nice long title reign. Dominic Cruz beat him in the next fight and I felt like a bit of an idiot, but Bowles has floated back to the top of the weight class. Faber is pretty well-rounded himself, and he will enjoy a speed advantage. This will probably be a kickboxing match for the most part: Bowles will rely on a jab, and Fabe will try to move in and out. I think it will be about even. Bowles hasn’t faced a great wrestler in awhile, and Faber will take him down enough to impress the judges.

Urijah Faber over Brian Bowles – JD
Honestly I think Bowles could be prime to pull off a big upset. He’s got heavy hands, solid grappling, and great submissions. Could he use in and out footwork and outwork Faber? It’s very possible. I doubt it though. Faber does a solid job of taking guys down and doing enough work while down to impress judges, and he’ll do the same here. The Sactown Faber fans will be in the building, Faber’s a huge draw in No Cal. He’ll get his hand raised and the place will go nuts. Then Faber will ask for another title shot and we will all quietly giggle, but turn away so he can’t see us.

Wanderlei Silva over Cung Le – Round 3 JD
The judges will be tired from all of their watching, thinking, and adding… so they’ll be happy to put their cards away and watch some violence at the top of this card. Fucking Cung Le hasn’t fought in a year and a half. It feels much more recent than that, but maybe I saw Pandorum on Encore Action and that confused me. Wandy is a bit chinny these days, but Cung doesn’t really have great punching power. Cung Le will try to win this fight from the outside and Wand will charge in with those hooks. Cung will cover up and go down.

Wanderlei Silva over Cung Le – KO RD 2
This fight is beyond fucking awesome and I just hope Wandy’s chin can hold up ONE LAST FUCKING TIME. Maybe he can mix in some head movement? All of the experts picking Le point to Wandy’s chin, and rightfully so. His Leben loss was embarrassing and I think majority of the MMA fans want him to go out with one last great performance. Another thing folks aren’t realizing is Le is nearly 40 years old, and has 32 kickboxing/ San Shou fights as well. Mix in his MMA fights and he’s got 40 pro fights So he’s just as old, if not older! I think this is a perfect fight for Wandy if he doesn’t gas. Le withers, doesn’t protect his face as well as he used to, and fights from the outside using his kicks rather then hands, although he has a sneaky right hook that may ice Wandy. I think Wandy fights safe for a round, gets a clinch in the 2nd, and destroys Le with knees and punches. There will be A TON of angry Asians, because Le is a huge fucking draw in No. Cal.

Dan Henderson over Shogun Rua – Round 3 TKO
Shogun slept Forrest Griffin because Forrest got old and chinny, but never adapted his style. Hendo still has a good chin, and he has great natural power that will threaten Shogun in every exchange. Shogun will gamplan to stay outside and use leg kicks and jabs. It seems too far-fetched to think he can do it for 25 minutes on bad knees, so he’ll need to come in and land power punches at some point. When he comes in, Dan will be ready and land a big right hand. If I’m right about this fight, is Dan fighter of the year automatically? Knocking out Feijao and two former champs and Pride legends is a decent year’s work.

Dan Henderson over Shogun Rua – TKO RD 2
I’ll take Cruelty’s argument a step further, and say Henderson may be the greatest MMA fighter of the past 10 years and we just haven’t realized it yet. He’s bounced between three weight classes and been successful. That’s fucking unheard of in this sport. He’s beating future stars like Feijao and legends like Fedor and he should be at the tail end of his career. It’s fucking mind boggling. I don’t take Shogun’s win seriously. Forrest wanted no part of Brazil, or that fight. His mind was on having his first kid, and it was crystal clear as Shogun was dribbling his head off the mat like a tennis ball with hammerfists. The telling fight was the Bones fight. His legs were gone, his killer punches were gone, and when he got put in deep waters he fucking drowned. Henderson eats steaks with A1 sauce in deep waters. The Shogun era is over. Injuries wrecked his career and that’s how he’ll be remembered. Rua will make a mistake, the H-BOMB will once again detonate, and we’ll all scratch our heads, think of what I just wrote and say, “Fuck. Hendo really is the best fighter of the past 10 years.”

Enjoy the fights!!

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• stupid

by JAV

Two weeks ago at Lethal HQ we had a very important decision to make. Searching for Dimebag had depleted our monthly funds, and we had to make a choice between covering some shitty UK event, or the biggest event in the history of the UFC. Clearly you see which way we went. Hopefully Dimebag does’nt go missing again, PI’s and scent catching dogs aint cheap these days, even the Mexican ones.

So we got the HW title up for grabs, a potential great free fight on FOX as well as a potential FOTY with Henderson/Guida, let’s not keep you waiting. I’m ITALICS, Cruelty is not, LET’S GO!!!

Matt Lucas over Aaron Rosa – Round 2 TKO
The most important night since TUF1 Finale and UFC brought out the BIG GUNS. By “GUNS” I mean “dudes who will bash each other until one falls down.” I guess they figured they would give the peasants some blood early. Lucas is making a debut but Rosa looked completely untalented so I pick Lucas by default. It took Beltran 2 Rounds, so maybe Lucas can do it, too.

Matt Lucas over Aaron Rosa – TKO RD 1
Smart curtain jerker. Rosa throws leather and can sprawl and brawl, Lucas is a solid wrestler with some pop in his gloves. Wondering if Rosa can catch Lucas early while he tries to deal with the “1st time jitters” factor. Meh, Rosa doesn’t defend anything well, I’ll take the kid.

Mike Pierce over Paul Bradley – Round 1 Submission RNC
I saw Bradley’s UFC debut live at 133 against Rafael Natal, and I really only remember thinking that Natal was a disappointment. Natal won that fight. Not a flattering story for Paul Bradly, huh? Mike Pierce is a good fighter with solid wrestling and natural boxing. Bradley is an inferior version of this same fighter and I expect him to take while trying to use an awkward guard. He gets desperate trying to get up, and goes into pure wrestling mode… Pierce grabs a choke ftw.

Mike Pierce over Paul Bradley – JD
These two fought before, and according to Pierce Bradley’s hands didn’t impress him and he couldn’t get taken down, so I’m assuming we get the same in this fight? Has Bradley improved since their last fight? Pierce has went on since that fight and racked up wins versus better comp so I’ll take him to win 2 of the 3 rounds.

Cole Escovedo over Bruce Leroy – Round 1 Submission Armbar
I guess if you wear a funny costume on TUF, you get to lose on an undercard or two. Hey, I give the guy props for referencing The Last Dragon because I also love that movie, but Cole Escovedo is a pretty good fighter with good submissions. Bruce Leroy is a n00b on the ground and he’ll get caught.

Cole Escovedo over Bruce Leroy – Sub RD 1
Cole’s trainer txt’d me back when I asked him about this fight. Again, take this pick with a few handfuls of favoritism, but I think this is a perfect fight for Cole. Leroy’s sub defense isn’t great and Cole’s BJJ is crazy. Hoping he pulls off a flying triangle or heel hook, he’s looking for that SOTN money. Cole could probably do well if they keep it standing and he DEFENDS HIMSELF, something he didn’t do versus Mizugaki. But I say choke in the 1st.

Mackens Semerzier over Robert Peralta – Round 1 RNC
I lived in Virginia Beach for awhile near Mack’s school, and I feel a vague obligation to pick him. Like we’re peeps. Like we rep the 757. Like that I guess? Meanwhile Peralta is very very raw. He doesn’t have any of the speed that guys should have at Featherweight, so I think Mack is the superior athlete and should be able to dictate where this fight takes place. Mack has solid bjj and he can catch something from top position after he avoids some wild punches.

Robert Peralta over Mackens Semerzier – Sub RD 2
Perelta’s nickname is “Problems”. Holy shit is that badass. Mackens never really impressed me in the WEC and Peralta has some decent wins in the smaller orgs. I’m going anti-jitters here because his nickname is PROBLEMS yo. YOU DON’T WANT NO PROBLEMS OVA HERE!!

Norifumi Yamamoto over Darren Uyenoyama – Round 1 TKO
OK let’s try this again. Kid Yamamoto is looking for his first UFC win after losing to Mighty Mouse Johnson. Mighty Mouse has since beaten some other legit fighters so there’s no shame in that loss, but after every other Japan MMA import failed, it was just annoying that the trend continued. Kid looked slow in that fight, but he’ll be too quick for Darren. Uyenoyama is basically a submission grappler, and Kid will flurry on him. I expect this to be brief and brutal.

Kid Yamamoto over Darren Uyenoyama – TKO RD 1
Dammit this is a trap fight for Yamamoto. Uyenoyama is very well versed and I’m wondering if he could catch Kid in a scramble and find a sub. Leaning Kid for an early KO because he’s got great pop in his gloves.

DaMarques Johnson over Clay Harvison – Round 2 TKO
Looking at Clay Harvison’s recent fight record has shaken me, and I fear that I’ve got it all wrong. I have been working very hard lately to save for plane tickets to visit my family. To buy clothes and a new phone and food and rent. Trading hours of my life for these trifles. But once I have all those things, will I really have what I need? I say no. I say what I NEED is a trip to Duluth Georgia to visit Wild Bill’s Dance Club and Concert Hall, where I can experience Wild Bill’s Fight Night. And maybe strippers on other nights. Well despite having had the amazing privilege of participating in a WBFN, Harvison isn’t much of a fighter. DaMarques is a dick but he’s a better fighter than most TUF guys so he should win this one. I think he’s better in all aspects so I’m randomly choosing a gnp win, thought really it could be anything. But what does that matter to a man like Harvison who has been to the mountain top?

Clay Harvison over DeMarques Johnson – TKO RD 1
Here’s my “The Better Guy Should Of Won But Got All Cray And Got KTFO” pick of the night. Harvison made me a fan of TUF, which may be impossible to do now because I watch the show on mute and FF through 70% of it. DeMarques will get lured into a gun fight, get caught, do the Stanky Leg, and get finished.

Cub Swanson over Ricardo Lamas – Round 3 JD
My dream for this fight is as follows: Ricardo Lamas rides to the cage on a chopper, wearing a no shirt but a leather vest and a kerchief, and everyone knows that it’s a delightful reference television’s Renegade starring Lorenzo Lamas. You see, Lorenzo Lamas would travel around righting wrongs while middle-aged women watched and masturbated. It was a grand time in our nation’s history and it should be celebrated, NEVER FORGET. Cub Swanson would walk to the cage like normal person, and win the fight because he’s better. This should be a rowdy kickboxing match with Swanson piling damage on Lamas over time. The World of Warcraft fans would call this DOTs, and MMA judges will call it a win.

Cub Swanson over Ricardo Lamas – KO RD 1
This reeks of Highlight KO. Lamas doesn’t do well versus guys with heavy hands, guess what Cub’s got? Lamas should start the fight with double flying knees just to fuck with Swanson.

Dustin Poirier over Pablo Garza – Round 1 TKO
Poirier is a pretty dynamic kickboxer, and Garza is a 1d grappler. I’m not sure why this fight floated up this far in the card, but I expect it to be one-sided. Garza is not a good wrestler, and I expect Dustin to bust him up pretty bad before this is stopped.

Dustin Poirier over Pablo Garza – UD
Garza has a decent record and I’m wondering if I’m sleeping on this fight as well. His ground game is crazy and at this weight class you’re gonna see a lot of weird outcomes. I could see Garza catching Poirier in something crazy and us all having a “Uh oh we better watch this dude” moment. Leaning Dustin to keep it standing and win two of the three rounds.

Ben Henderson over Clay Guida – Round 3 JD
There’s going to be so much nasty black curly hair in this fight. Barf. But there’s also gonna be LOTS of takedown attempts, and the kids love takedown attempts. I guess in a way this could show the “new” or “casual” fans that grappling can be fun? I think Ben Henderson is the better wrestler, so I’m giving him the edge. He should spend more time on top, and his gnp is more effective than Guida’s.

Ben Henderson over Clay Guida – Sub RD 3
This would be the PERFECT fight to show new fans of the sport some exciting ground guys doing triple reverses and contorting and all types of ill shit and instead we’re gonna get a shit load of pre-fight crap. Great job FOX. This is the fight where Guida gets exposed as a good but not great fighter, and Henderson gets the legit love he deserves. Henderson is going to work G & P during take downs, catch Guida with shit from weird angles, and get caught in a choke late in the fight. I cant see Guida’s “110% grinding all three rounds” shtick winning him this fight. Ben’s just a better fighter and is going to give Edgar fits in a fight that will make me drop a goddamn load.

Cain Velasquez over Junior dos Santos – Round 3 JD
The UFC heavyweight division has come a long way. The belt they are fighting for was once around Tim Sylvia’s waist. Now we have actual athletes. Interesting and dynamic athletes who are capable of a fight with complexity and nuance. That’s why I’m bringing this awesome analysis: Cain will win because grappling is better than striking. I’m such a fucking MMA genius. Cain can hang for a little while in the stand-up, then he’s going to hit takedowns that are sudden and nearly unstoppable. JdS will get up a few times but his standup advantage won’t be enough to sway the judges. Gnp win for Cain.

Cain Velasquez over Junior dos Santos – TKO RD 2
Cruelty mentioned to me in an e-mail about how crazy it is that we’re getting this fight on free TV, and how far the sport has come. To think 8 or so years ago when we were writing about Pride and UFC and thinking about how awesome this moment would be and now it’s here. I feel like a proud father or some shit.

I’ve sat here for about 2 years saying JdS would be champion one day. And now I’m truly torn on picking against him tonight. I think about Cain’s chin and how shaky it looked versus KONGO! and I’m wondering how it’ll hold up versus a guy that punches just as hard. I could totally see JdS stuffing a takedown and dropping Cain. But I’m going with Cain. He trains with a great camp that has solid HW’s and from what I’ve heard has been grinding the shit out of training partners. I think he does the same with JdS. Takedowns, G & P, cage control, and after a round, possibly two of this JdS will wither, and get finished.

ENJOY THE FIGHTS!!!

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• stupid