November 9^th, 1998
By Tommy, Naughty Tommy!

When JJ Dillon first brought together the group known as The Four Horsemen a feeling of dread ran through the wrestling community. Four of the best and brightest in the sport came together to wreak havoc on all who stood in their way.

When some goofy ass British guy brought together the group known as the Teletubbies that same feeling of dread ran through every Muppet, Rugrat and big purple dinosaur in the world. These four,, loveable, incomprehensible, uber-cute critters have taken the world by storm and the worlds premiere fighting group won’t stand for it!

The Horsemen have had several roster changes, and while none have been as good as the original, we’ll run with the current group. Ex footballer Steve "Mongo-Pro Bowler-My Wife Is A Dirty Slut” McMichael, “The Canadian Crippler” Chris Benoit, “The Man Of 1,000 Holds” Dean Malenko, and the 13 time heavyweight champion of the world “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair, WHOOOO! And on the other team… four fuzzy pot bellied freaks of nature. So let the slaughter, I mean Superfight, begin!

	VS.
THE FOUR HORSEMEN		TELETUBBIES

(EDITORS NOTE: Heheheheheh….wheeee!!!)

FIGHTING ABILITY
You would think the Horsemen would be able to sweep this one pretty easily. Well… you’re right, the little freaks don’t have a chance. The only thing they’ve got going for them is the fact that they’ve got legal foreign objects on their heads. You’ve got to wonder what would happen if Al Snow ever got a hold of Po’s head, he’d have a handle to swing that thing with. I wonder if we could transplant the little weird ring off her head and graft it to the top of Head’s head? Hmmmm…
ADVANTAGE: Horesemen

FAN BASE
You’ve got to give props to the ‘Tubbies in this one. Every kid in the world loves these things, hell even adults have become smitten with them. Just look at Owen Hart’s house since he retired. Beanie Babies, Talking Teletubbies and Spam thrown all around the floor. He just sits there squeezing Po until she says faggot, giggling like a schoolgirl, wearing his Blue Blazer cape and Watching Andy Griffith. Get some respect man, you’re the “Black Hart” the “sole survivor”, you should be in the title chase and instead you’re wearing a fluffy mask and pretending you can fly when you run. Sad.
ADVANTAGE: Teletubbies

MIC SKILLS
The Teletubbies vocabulary consists of phrases like “big hug” and “uh-oh”. The Horsemen have Mongo.

ADVANTAGE: Teletubbies

THE “BODY” FACTOR
Even though Eric wouldn’t let the cameras stop on Jesse when they were in Minnesota, I have to give this one to the Horsemen solely based on the fact that Minneapolis is the hometown of the “Nature Boy.” Wait a minute; I thought Charlotte was his hometown? How many hometowns does he have? Anyway, Flair always gets a big pop when he’s in the twin cities and since “The Body” runs the state now the ‘Tubes will never get a fair shake.
ADVANTAGE: Horsemen

CHICKS
Ric Flair has a long list of women who have taken a ride on “Space Mountain.” He’s had women like Miss Elizabeth, Kimberly Page and Woman in his corner at one time or another. The Teletubbies hotties consist of Po, Laa Laa and some little brown bunnies eating grass on the hill. Even though rabbits multiply rapidly they don’t have the staying power of the 60 minute man.
ADVANTAGE: Horsemen

Color Commentary by Jim Ross
The fight starts off slowly with Benoit starting against Disy. Benoit moves forward to lock up and gets surprised when the little green Dip puts on the “big hug”. Benoit and Dipsy trade blows for a minute and Benoit traps the big Dipper in the Horseman’s corner where the fearsome foursome beat him mercilessly. Mongo tags in the Horseman’s corner where he goes for the big clothesline but Dipsy ducks it and comes back with a drop kick! Mongo goes down and Dippy makes the tag to Tinky Winky. It looks like the boys don’t want the girls involved which has obviously hacked off Laa Laa by the look on her face. She berates Diptydo while he rests on the apron. Back to the action, Tinky has taken control with a series of power moves against the ex pro bowler. Mongo is trying desperately to reach the tag. Po distracts the referee and, what’s this, it’s Noo Noo fro under the ring! The little porta hoover has Tinky’s favorite cross dressing accessory, his big purple purse! It’s in the ring, Tinky takes a swing at Mongo’s huge melon… Save by Flair! Flair takes command with a series of knife edge chops. The Winkster is staggered and the Nature Boy takes him down with a cheap shot. This offical is horrible, he hasn’t called the first thing all night. Flair gets the tag to Benoit but the crossdresser is able to make the tag to Po. Benoit has no mercy! He starts into her like a politition on an intern! Rights, lefts and chops! He hits a Russian leg sweep, it’s over. Wait a minute, he’s picking her up? German suplex! And another, and another. Three in a row! He’s going for the crippler crossface. OHMAHGAWD!!!… Benoit’s head is stuck in Po’s head antenna thing… or whatever that thing is. Po seems to have a second wind and the wolverine is trapped on her head! She’s suplexing Benoit without even touching him! What carnage. I think I just heard something pop. Benoit’s head finally came loose thank God. Po tags Dipsy back in, I guess they really just don’t want the happy go lucky Laa Laa in the fight. He’s taunting Benoit!? What is wrong with that little emerald freak? He’s throwing Benoit into the Hoseman corner! He’s calling out Mongo! Benoit tags Mongo in as Dispy charges head first into his belly. Goldberg spear! Dipsy’s impaled Mongo on his head spike! There’s blood all over the ring… What in God’s name is happening? Dipsy goes for the cover, 1…. 2…. What the, Laa Laa’s in the ring? What in hell is she doing? She stopped the count and she’s attacking the ref. She’s gone crazy! She’s got the ref by the head… STUNNER! Dispy’s on his feet and he’s trying to grab her. Kick to the stomach, STUNNER! Laa Laa’s out of control! Tinky Winky and Po storm the ring to try and subdue Laa Laa. The Horsemen hit the ring! It’s a Slobberknocker in there tonight! It’s hard to call the action whith the body’s flying around, Noo Noo’s in the ring and he’s got Malenko by the foot. Noo Noo is applying the Shamrock ankle lock on Malenko! Flair has Tinky Winky in the figure four! Benoit has Po rolling German suplexes on the floor, and Mongo still hasn’t moved. Laa Laa is dropping elbows on Tinky Winky while Flair gets the extra leverage by grabbing the top rope. Security’s finally come to ringside to break up this carnage. All the Teletubbies have run from the ring except Laa Laa, she’s standing on the ring apron waiting for something. Flair is moving towards her and he’s saying something… They’re leaving together? Let’s see if Mean Gene can get a word at the top of the ramp.

Mean Gene: Laa Laa, what were you thinking tonight? Why did you betray your friends?

Laa Laa: Space Mountain.

Jim Ross: GOOD GAWD MY MOMMA’S WATCHIN!

THE WINNERS
BY WAY OF THE OLDEST RIDE IN THE PARK WITH THE LONGEST LINE

THE FOUR HORSEMEN
WHOOOOOO!!!!!!