There are a lot of people out there who claim Johnny
Knoxville and his cohorts are retarded. What else could explain their
desire to hurt themselves for the amusement of millions of fans with
thousands upon thousands of dollars in merchandise and advertising?
Regardless of its appeal or massive amounts of cash which the people
responsible roll around in naked covered in baby oil, Jackass is a show
about stupid people. Are they retarded? Should they be lumped into the
same category as Corky? Apparently the retards don't think so.
WHO WHOOPS MORE
ASS_____________________________________________________________ INTELLIGENCE_______________________________________________________________________
Advantage - Tards FEAR THE
COCK______________________________________________________________________
WHO GETS THE
CHICKS_______________________________________________________________ Advantage - Jackass
WINNER
RETARDS |
It's
no secret that Johnny Knoxville and the cast of idiots on Jackass are
tough bastards. They are constantly beating the shit out of one another
and driving off high places in things that don't land well. The thing most
people don't take into account however is that they have huge stacks of
money to make them feel better when they get home so they endure the pain
until they get home to the grocery bag full of drugs and the 37 hookers
they have lined up for the evening. Retards on the other hand don't have
any of those luxuries. They either go home after school to a severe
beating with the whippin stick to get the devil out or they get exploited
by their greedy "trainers" and used as a money making tool at the special
Olympics. It's a tough call but I'm gonna have to go with the kids with
the 8" craniums.
While
no one can deny the idiocy that is Jackass, at least they get paid to act
like retards where retards just... are. If you get one of the guys from
Jackass to say, hit one another with a big fish, they expect to get paid.
Talk a tard into it and all he expects is not to get anally raped in the
shower during gym but the football team resulting in the rectal insertion
of a mop. But I digress.
When
I was in high school I worked at a theme park called Kings Dominion in
Doswell VA. Think of it as Disneyland but instead of Micky and Minnie you
get Yogi and Scooby. One day a season every retard on the east coast comes
to the park and partakes in much blue ice cream and roller coasters,
causing poor shlubs like me to have to clean up a LOT of blue vomit. Due
to some things I'd rather not discuss, I had been relegated to bathroom
duty. Trust me though, it was totally worth it to video tape Snagglepuss
taking it from Jabberjaw. ANYWAY. Since I was stuck in the bathroom all
day I got to listen to the grunts of tards pushing out logs and clean up
drool off the sinks. The thing that I still see to this day in my
nightmares happened in the middle of the day. These three teenage tards
come in with a non tard dad type who goes off to the shitter and leaves
these three to operate the urinals. Two of them get up real close like
regular folk so nobody can see their junk but the third kid was having a
little trouble. When he finally got his shorts unbuttoned and let them
fall to the floor exposing his large, white tard ass, I heard a soft thud.
Seems like his cock flopped out and hit the bottom of the urinal. To make
sure he didn't dip it in the shallow end of the pool he backs up and using
both hands to steady his piece, whizzed all over the wall. He finished up,
wrapped his cock around his body twice, folded it like a map and tucked it
into his backpack so he could get his zipper back up.
While
some women may look at a 14" cock and ignore the drooling tard who just
shit himself attached to it, I think most would agree it's not worth it.
On the other hand you have a bunch of guys who hit each other in the nuts
for a living, thereby making their units pretty much useless (hence the
blow and hookers from the earlier catagory). I think what will come into
account here is how well Knoxville and co know tard chicks. It's pretty
easy to seduce a woman with a 12 IQ and the best part is, if they have
epilepsy and they start having a fit while you're fucking them, they won't
notice you flipped them over and shoved it in their ass until it's too
late.