November 13th, 1998
By Tommy, my new hero :)

In every family there must be a doofus. Someone who does the wrong thing all the time no matter how hard they try. The guy who tries to help an old lady across the street only to trip her up and get her run over by a truck full of chickens. The type of person who, while painting a friends nursery, accidentally pushes the baby out of the window (he needs ventilation). Who we have tonight meet and exceed these requirements. First we have D'Lo Brown, the youngest member of a nice, quiet black separatist group pleasantly called "The Nation Of Domination." Theo Huxtable is the oldest child of a well to do evil republican militia lawyer/doctor combo. Needless to say we have found two people who so exemplify this quality of ineptitude, the only way to show them the proper respect is to have them kick the living crap out of each other.

FIGHTING ABILITY
This category is pretty much a no contest. I mean, the only person Theo ever beat up on was Raven Symone and that was only until she was out of diapers. I wonder what happened to her? She had all the talent in the family. The chunky one has been in all kinds of TV movies and the older one made Lenny Kravits famous... but what happened to Raven, huh? What about Raven? WHAT ABOUT RAVEN?

ADVANTAGE: D'Lo

FAMILY SUPPORT
Theo has a loving, nurturing family in which the mother says things like "eat your veggies" and "listen to your father." D'Lo had a mother who says things like, "shut your damn mouth you piece of trash" and "I'll take your candy ass outside jarone." Even though Theo is the oldest male in the family, he's always getting such good advice from his two little sisters who seem to know more about the world than he does. Of course we all know the oldest sister knows more about the world than a White House intern the way she's been around. D'Lo has a pimp in his corner.

ADVANTAGE: D'Lo (pimps rule)

THE COS FACTOR

Do yoooou understaaan whoo I aam? Iee am the mosst important maan in the woorld!
ADVANTAGE: Theo

WHO LOOKS BETTER IN TIGHTS
What? Who thought up this category? This is a hetero page. We don't talk about no chode smokin', fudge packin', tree huggin' hippie freaks here. Who the hell did this? What... D;Lo likes it down low? Oh God. This is wrong, hurry somebody, we need a hot chick pic quick!

ADVANTAGE: Ally Baggett, courtesy of your friendly neighborhood webmaster, Brandon:)

Hey hey hey it's FAT ALBERT

Anybody know what all the names of the guys are in Fat Alberts gang? I used to know but I can't remember. They were the best group of inner city kids in the history of crack. You never saw any of them with a twenty rock or a tek-9 or even the ho's you know that weird kid with the lampshade on his head was supplyin'. You know that guy was bad. Never really talking, just doing that weird mumbling thing. Too much "junk" in that boys system. I know for a fact Fat Albert was a big time stoner. This one time, I was out with Daphne and we stopped by Fred's house to borrow the Mystery Machine and Al was there eating "scooby snacks" which we all know were pot brownies 'cause Shaggy would do anything for a Scooby snack.
ADVANTAGE: Velma

(EDITORS NOTE: Some of us remember Fat Alberts gang. The "Cosby Kids" consisted of Fat Albert, Dumb Donald, Mushmouth, Reggie, Snoop Doggy Dogg, Ben Verene, Jimmy "JJ" Walker and Andy Griffith. Sorry for the lack of research done by Tommy. And furthermore, since D'Lo is buddy buddy with the worlds blackest man, Mark Henry, he has his own personal Fat ALbert and wins the catagory.)

EDUCATION
We all got to see Theo graduate from high school and maybe from college, but I don't remember that because it would have been after the ex Mrs. Lenny Kravits left the show and every male under thirty stopped had watching by then. Anyway, Theo had a learning disability, which wasn't discovered until he was in high school, even though his dad was a doctor and should have been beaten with a pointy stick for making that poor boy feel so inadequate... Why dad? Why? I'm trying... No, not the belt.. NO, NOOO! .......... Uhh... did I say that out loud? hmmm...
ADVANTAGE:Theo

RESULTS
The fight starts slow with Theo ducking under the ropes every time D'Lo comes near him. Theo has the support of all his family at ringside and D'Lo has the Nation in his corner. Theo attempts a cross body block and just bounces off D';Lo's plate mail armor. The looks like he's going to cry and looks to the Cos for help. D'Lo uses this momentary distraction to scoop slam Theo. D'Lo off the ropes, elbow to the sternum. He picks the weary youngster up and he's slamming him hard to the mat. D'Lo is going up top, is he, YES, frogsplash off the top rope. 1..... 2..... 3 and D'Lo gets the pin,,, wait a minute, Theo's cute little sister is getting into the ring!! She's got a mic....

"Theo, you've always been the cool one, the one who got to stay out late. the one who got to lick the icing. No more! Now you're going to feel my pain..." She throws down the mic and picks up Theo... OHMIGOD Evenflow DDT!!! Little Raven Symone just DDT's her big brother into oblivion!! What a slobberknocker!

WINNER
'cause he's the flockin best

D'LO BROWN
I'll shake my neck till my head falls off