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All right, marks, your old pal Sherlock is going to tell you who the next King of the Ring is going to be. I’m also going to tell you who should be the next King as well, although the WWE doesn’t have the balls to do it. First, here’s how it will go down... X-Pac vs. RVD: Keeping in mind that this is the last TV before the King of the Ring for the Raw talent, you know RVD has to get this one. For starters, there’s no time to build any heat for an Intercontinental title defense, unless they have Eddy run in for a screw job. That’s unlikely considering it will be hard as hell for these guys to pull off a better match than the ladder match from a few weeks ago. Look for a run-in by Booker (or possibly Goldust) as payback for the superkick he took to the face last week. Booker vs. Brock: Don’t be surprised if this match happens before X-Pac/RVD. After all, if the nWo is going to screw Book, and if Book (or Goldust) is going to get revenge by giving an nWo member a taste of his own medicine (that’s X-Pac, for those of you who are a little slow), classic heel formula states the nWo has fire the first shot. Book will probably be on a roll, maybe even setting Brock up for a Rock Bottom (oops, Book End) or a scissors kick when Shawn will hop on the apron, X-Pac will come through the crowd for an X-factor, then Brock will plant Book on his face and it’s goodnight Gracie. Test vs. Hardcore: It looks like Holly may be getting a bit of a push now that he’s starting kind of a mini-feud with Kurt Angle. I’m going with Holly on this one, if only because they want to get his new catchphrase “How do you like me now” on PPV. Oh, and for the record, that’s the worst catchphrase since Steve Blackman used to scream “It’s party time!” during his Hardcore title run. Jericho vs. Valbowski: Hmmm, Valbowski still walks like Val Venis, talks like Val Venis, stuffs his pants like Val Venis – why the name change again? Is this the best bit of creativity the writers could come up with? I could pull a better gimmick out of my ass. And now he doesn’t like Jericho because Y2J beat up his buddy Edge. Since when did Edge and Val get to be so close? This may be the worst angle Jericho has been in since the Kane/coffee saga so many months ago. At any rate, this will be Jericho with some kind of cheat to win. Because you can’t let the first Undisputed Champ ever get a clean win unless it’s over the Tough Enough kid. No, there’s always got to be the ropes, a chair, a bell, etc. If they’re so determined to make Jericho a pussy, why not pair him with Curtis Hughes again? Fuck! Hardcore vs. Brock: If X-Pac can be a King of the Ring finalist, then even a rookie like Brock can. But that’s as far as he’ll go. RVD vs. Jericho: Here’s where the WWE sets us up with a swerve. If Brock is already in, then it should be RVD, right? No! Jericho isn’t getting a sniff of the belt again anytime soon, so if he’s going to continue his living legend status, he needs the crown. Besides, even with Steve Austin’s departure, there’s such a log jam of main eventers right now (HHH, Angle, Rocky, Benoit, Taker, Kane, fucking Hogan, and Edge is almost there) the WWE probably doesn’t want to bring anyone new up. That’s why Jericho advances here in true cheater’s fashion to set up the heel vs. heel finale. Jericho vs. Brock: Jericho will need someone to watch his back with Heyman at ringside, so look for Christian, Lance or Test (any of these have been Jericho’s pal in the past) to come down to both neutralize Paul E. and help Y2J get the win. Now, here’s how the tournament should go... I don’t have a problem with the first round, except I’d like to see Jericho crush Valbowski. Holly vs. Brock: Let Brock get a clean win over a quality veteran. This guy may well truly be the next big thing, so he should be treated like it. RVD vs. Jericho: For the love of god, let these two go. Let them beat the piss out of each other. Let them have the kind of match they should, the kind that gets the crowd chanting “Holy Shit!” Let Jericho eventually win clean by capitalizing on one mistake. These kind of wins did a ton for Triple H when he was the biggest and baddest heel of the modern era. Throw Y2J a fucking bone already people. Jericho vs. Brock: A wounded Jericho reaches down deep to pull off the upset, thus winning back all the Jerichoholics and becoming a fan fave once again. This would lead Heyman to ask Vince to switch Brock to Smackdown! so he can get some revenge on Jericho. Vince instead switches Jericho to Raw, giving Y2J a chance to replace Stone Cold as that show’s top face. He then gets into a big feud with Brock, which could be the battle of the summer. And now, a few other things I’d like to talk about... If any of you ungrateful asses out there appreciated at all how hard I work for you to satisfy your need for wrestling opinions, you’d make a fuckin’ banner already. C’mon, with a last name like Sherlock it should be fuckin’ easy for you. Or anything with big tits works, too (but that’s not an invitation for a Big Show banner). Even if the WWE doesn’t follow my suggestion of Jericho taking Austin’s place, they still need someone to main event as a face. The most likely choices are RVD and Booker, who has especially been getting over lately with his comedic ability (and yes, maybe I’m even starting to soften on him a touch, but not that much). While I like the idea of RVD – and thus the IC belt as well – getting elevated, don’t be surprised to see a Smackdown! star suddenly on Raw. As much as I’d love for that new uber-face to be Kurt Angle, a better bet would be Jericho or maybe even Triple H. Angle is stuck in heel land until his hair grows back (otherwise it really un-sells the whole feud with Edge), but Triple H joining his clique brothers on Raw may help soothe some backstage problems (somebody has to tell X-Pac he’s worth a shit, nobody else will) and open the door for a new DX vs. new nWo rumble. There could be hope for Chyna and Road Dogg yet. Reports out of San Antonio say Steve Austin followed up his walkout of the WWE with a little wife abuse. Although I’m not a Debra fan, here’s hoping she didn’t fuck her career over as well by walking out with Austin. If he is hitting her, she should dump his ass now and get herself back on the road with the WWE. That would be the best revenge she could get on her husband. If there’s one thing I can’t stands, it’s domestic violence. Sherlock |