OK class, get out your notebooks, it’s time for a history lesson! And don't worry, the wrestling goodies are coming up shortly

Two years ago today, I sent a blind submission to the owner and webmaster of what was then lethalinjection.com, hoping to charm my way onto the writing staff. I had been reading the site for a month or so, only discovering it after somebody from Wrestling Uncensored had posted a link to LI, more specifically to Mob’s post with the yet unpublished Chyna Playboy pics. I didn’t like Chyna then, and I don’t like her now, but I was just as curious as the millions of other wrestling fans who wanted to see those big fat fake titties.

I had been reading WU for several months, but was glad to find LI, which seemed to cater to a slightly less racist/homophobic and slightly more intelligent crowd than WU did. Don’t interpret this as a slam on WU, because it’s not. I considered the site a daily must-visit, but at the time there seemed to be more than a few untalented writers coming aboard and the overall quality of the site was in decline. They hired Barbwire Mike for chrissakes!

I kept reading and enjoying both WU and LI. I started reading Burning Furby as well. Then one day I started thinking “You know, I could write for one of those sites. I meet the fundamental requirements: I know a lot about wrestling, I’m a funny son of a bitch, I can write pretty well and I have a monstrously immense penis.” So on October 17, 2000, I opened up Microsoft Word on my computer at work and clicked away at what was to become “I want to buy WCW,” my very first wrestling post.

When it came time to decide where to send that submission, the choice was easy. WU could rightfully claim the most hits of all opinion boards (as they continued to do until the day they pulled the plug), but the quality level just wasn’t what it had once been. Burning Furby, although staffed by some very talented writers, was wildly inconsistent from post to post. Lethal, on the other hand, was the most consistent of the three. While perhaps lacking some of the “name” posters that WU had, the overall quality of the writing was just better. That was where I wanted to be. One sample and three hours later, I was hired.

It’s been a good two years. Thank you to everybody who keeps reading, and especially thank you to everybody who e-mails me when I make them laugh. That's the reason I do this- to make people laugh.

But before this gets too ridiculously self-serving, let me go ahead and remind myself how little this actually means to everybody else:

Now that my self esteem has been knocked back down from “tenuous” to “abysmal,” let’s celebrate my two-year anniversary by taking a few cheap shots at everybody’s favorite corporate whore: Good Old JR! That’s right kids, it’s time for the motherfucking Ross RIP-ort!

Greetings from under the black 200X Resistol hat while preparing to head to Dallas for the biggest college football game of the year, the Red River Shootout between Oklahoma and Texas!

And greetings from my computer room, where I stare longingly at my newly-purchased Limited-Edition Reissue Optimus Prime, waiting patiently for him to love me back.

Injury update:

Randy Orton tore his shoulder two weeks ago and had surgery Thursday in Birmingham, Ala., to repair it. Dr. Jim Andrews estimates Randy will be out of action three to four months. Tough break for this kid, but he will be back better than ever.

See my heartfelt e-mail to Randy RIGHT HERE.

Bob "Hardcore" Holly had neck fusion surgery yesterday in San Antonio with Dr. Lloyd Youngblood and is expected to be out of action up to one year, maybe shorter, according to the doctor. This intense athlete certainly deserves a break as it relates to injuries.

I know I’m one of the 35 or so people who actually like Hardcore Holly, but dammit, he can’t catch a break. Out for a year? He was finally starting to get a legitimate push for the IC title about a year and a half ago when Kurt Angle shattered his arm with a bad moonsault. After returning from that injury, he hasn’t been able to buy a good angle. What will another year off do to his career? Fuck.

Bubba Ray Dudley was knocked unconscious in the Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match on RAW and suffered a concussion. X-rays and a CAT scan were normal, but Bubba will not compete at any live events for the next couple of weeks to ensure he is back to 100 percent. Tough rascal, let me tell you.

Chris Jericho had his "bell rung" during the TLC Match but was examined and is fine. Returns to the road this Saturday in Rochester, N.Y. Another game-day player.

What is the medical difference between suffering a concussion and “getting your bell rung?” Anybody know?

Tommy Dreamer could not compete last week due to extreme lower back pain. He had an MRI and will need to rest for a few weeks before returning to work. Tommy is getting married this Saturday, and we wish him the best.

Don’t feel too bad for Tommy folks, after all, this is who he is fucking and marrying, former ECW babe Beulah:

Beulah's huge nipples appear courtesy of Wrestling Outlaws.com

Rey Mysterio has an ongoing knee problem that may require a 'scope in December during the talents' break. But he is getting treatment, has changed knee braces and is functioning very well, as all can see.

Except those of us without UPN, you mindless fuck.

Rhyno is still walking through drills in the ring and is on target for a December return if all continues to go well. He will not be rushed back to action and will return only after being thoroughly evaluated by Dr. Youngblood in San Antonio.

Am I the only one that thinks there is a built-in angle for Rhyno at some point in the future involving the ECW title? Once Brock makes his inevitable face turn, preferably still as the “Undisputed Champion,” Paul E. can ally himself with Rhyno and drag that dusty old ECW belt out. Instant angle. Of course, they need to settle all that bankruptcy bullshit first.

Kanyon has been doing some light work in the ring as well in the past few days and is hoping for a release from doctor's care sometime around Oct. 22. Kanyon will need several weeks in OVW (Ohio Valley Wrestling) to get back in shape and regain his timing, etc. I do not expect to see Kanyon back in the ring on WWE TV until December or a little later.

And it’s all that good for nothing Randy Orton’s fault.

Speaking of Oct. 22, Maven is set to be released about that time as well and he too will be assigned to OVW to get ready to return to WWE action. Don't forget to check out OVWrestling.com to order their weekly TV show which, as I have mentioned before, is a really fun one-hour, episodic broadcast.

Yeah, no chance of me forgetting that.

All other injuries are basically unchanged from last week's report with everyone progressing on schedule with their physical therapy and rehab. It will be great to get these injured talents back in the ring, and many will be returning to action over the next few months.

But what about Eric Angle?

Random thoughts and opinions:

And more wiseass remarks:

RAW was certainly a unique broadcast Monday night from Las Vegas from where I was sitting, and my hat is off to all involved, especially the talent who competed in the TLC Match. What an amazing effort by some very gutsy athletes. I am looking forward to RAW this Monday night from Montreal, where the fans are usually off the chart.

“You screwed Bret” chants do not equal a hot crowd, ass.

Bradshaw's charity golf tournament in Athens, Texas, will be next Friday and Saturday, Oct. 18-19, benefiting the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Several World Wrestling Entertainment Superstars will be attending the worthwhile function. Bradshaw is healing nicely from biceps surgery and is preparing to essentially travel around the world for WWE doing promotional work for upcoming tours. We have a friendly rivalry going for this weekend's OU-UT football game and will both be attending the game along with another Texan, Mark Henry. Mark is also recovering from injury and seems to be doing well with his rehab for his ankle. Not sure when he will be able to return to the ring but it shouldn't be too long from what his doctors tell us.

Bradshaw travelling around the world is so NOT GOOD. Young wrestlers across the globe will be forced to suffer through the humiliation of having their backs and genitals soaped up by Bradshaw’s calloused, uncaring hands as he attempts to further reinforce his position in the locker room as the Number One Asshole.

Some inter-promotional cards highlight this weekend's live events. Billy and Chuck will compete on the RAW events and will be joined by Kurt Angle for Saturday and Sunday's RAW cards. RAW's Chris Jericho, Lance Storm and Christian will compete at SmackDown! events in Edmonton and Calgary this weekend also. Should be some interesting matches in all the cities for our fans who are there live for these non-televised events.

And this is why the brand extension is complete and utter shit. The WWF will swap out wrestlers back and forth at the drop of a hat for something as unimportant as a house show. There’s no brand competition and we all know it. This is just a thinly veiled excuse to force your wrestlers out on the road to rake in what’s left of your dying house show market. Call a spade a spade.

Nice vignette on RAW Monday night about Batista, who will be debuting on RAW sometime in the future. His workout sessions have reportedly been going very well, and he certainly has a great look and seems to have tons of potential. Batista will be a part of our live RAW events this weekend along with developmental talents Charlie Haas and Rodney "Red Dog" Begnaud.

Yeah, maybe he’ll do OK, once he gets rid of the lingering stink of his horrible introduction angle. “Look at me, I’m the big retard with a fucking money box chained around my neck.” Superb.

Sure is nice to see the rapid improvement in Mark Jindrak, who is getting plenty of ring time at RAW live events. At 6 foot 6 and 260 pounds, Jindrak, a former basketball star, has great athletic skills and seems to really be making some positive strides since returning from knee surgery several weeks ago.

Terri will be appearing at Spooky World in Foxboro, Mass., tonight to sign autographs. Kane will be signing autographs there next Friday.

The spooky part is that she’ll be appearing without makeup or the "oh so forgiving" soft light of a TV camera.

Torrie Wilson is in Toronto today doing media work for our SmackDown! taping there this Tuesday.

And probably fucking her old high school boyfriend according to that jealous little jew Kidman.

Ron Simmons and D-Von certainly seem to have the potential to make a solid team in the few matches I have been able to see them.

More masterful booking. “Get it? You’re tag team partners because you’re both black!” I can’t believe people get paid to come up with this shit.

Chris Benoit has been in his hometown of Edmonton this week promoting our live event there, which is Saturday night. Lance Storm has been doing the same in his hometown of Calgary, which will host an event Sunday at 1 p.m. We certainly appreciate these two outstanding talents' efforts. Our live event marketing representatives continue to work creatively and diligently promoting our live events in these challenging economic times.

Call me crazy, but maybe the times wouldn’t be so challenging for you if your product DIDN’T FUCKING SUCK BALLS.

Triple H will be on the broadcast team for the Mr. Olympia competition from Las Vegas next Saturday night, Oct. 19, the night before No Mercy in Little Rock, Ark. Tickets are still available for the No Mercy event throughout the Little Rock area.

Yeah, about those No Mercy tickets, see the note above, something about not sucking balls.

I'm looking forward to the new season of Tough Enough, which debuts Thursday on MTV right after SmackDown! John "Big" Gaburick and his crew are very excited about this season and feel the competition is going to be very close in selecting a winner. I love the enthusiasm of all involved in this WWE franchise, and "Big," who has become quite the "celeb" himself, does a helluva job in managing this endeavor.

In other news, this show stopped entertaining me after a single season.

The talent from SmackDown! traveling to Europe will be departing from Memphis after the SmackDown! taping there on Tuesday, Oct. 22, directly into Helsinki, Finland, for the live event on Oct. 24. Talent will be returning to the U.S. late night Sunday, Oct. 27, after performing in Sheffield, England, that afternoon. These will be four very hot shows, especially the Pay-Per-View on Sky Box Office from Manchester on Saturday, Oct. 26. This will be WWE Champion Brock Lesnar's first Pay-Per-View on Sky Box Office.

Triple H has already drafted his letter to management voicing his concerns about Brock being singularly responsible for the low UK buyrate.

Little Guido, formerly of ECW, has signed a contract with WWE and will be joining the SmackDown! roster of cruiserweights soon. We have also come to terms with Brian "Spanky" Kendrick, who will be joining the SmackDown! cruiserweights after his next tour of Japan, to which he had already committed. We look forward to both these outstanding young men contributing to our already talented cruiserweight roster.

Your cruiserweight roster is great. Too bad it’s all but trapped on Velocity. When was the last time the cruiser belt was defended on a PPV? The defense rests.

Mike Awesome looks like he will be joining the All Japan roster in the next few weeks. We wish Mike the best of luck and good health.

And that’s exactly why we fired him.

We are also encouraging Shawn Stasiak to tour Japan on a regular basis to assist him in reaching his potential, of which he has a great deal.

Yeah, potential to be the next Greg Gagne or David Sammartino.

I have finally finished writing the stories for our next cookbook, which is obviously going to be much more than recipes. Selected stories cover things that I have witnessed or been a part from the 1970s, 80s and 90s until the present. The book will be published by Simon & Schuster in May 2003. We have been selecting photos for the book, and some are classic shots from the early 80s and before from Dennis Brent's collection of vintage photographs he took in the Mid South and UWF days. I have penned stories about such notables as Leroy McGuirk, Cowboy Bill Watts, the Briscos, Danny Hodge, JYD, Dick Murdoch, Brian Pillman, Owen Hart, Jim Barnett, Jim Herd, Charles Barkley, Mickey Mantle, Dick Butkus, Vince McMahon and my late father, among many others. Plus, we have compiled a ton of top-10 lists on a wide variety of serious and not-so-serious subjects.

Nothing like a little name dropping, eh JR? Let me guess, you want us to buy your book?

Watching the Triple H-D'Lo Brown Blindfold Match on RAW reminded me of the first match of this kind that I saw, between Dick Murdoch and Killer Karl Kox. What a classic rivalry those two had, and I had the privilege of being the referee of this one some time in the early 80s in the Mid South territory.

Reminded me off that awful Wrestlemania blindfold match pitting Rick Martel against Jake Roberts.

Good to see Al Snow back on TV, and on RAW. The most famous resident of Lima, Ohio, will be back on the road with a more aggressive schedule after recharging his batteries from being in California for Tough Enough 3 the past several months.

Poor Al. With the pending dissolution of the IC belt, he will never hold a title again.

Same goes for Bill DeMott, formerly known as Hugh Morrus, who, I predict, will become a significant asset on SmackDown! Bill is in excellent shape and has always had a terrific attitude. He's certainly the kind of person you want on your team.

I like Hugh Morrus, so of course, he will immediately sent to Smackdown, so I can’t see him wrestle. Then again, who am I kidding? He’ll be tethered to Velocity for the rest of his life. My official prediction for his first angle: big, hairy Albert.

Ivory will also be returning to TV soon, presumably on RAW to compete with the other ladies, but will be doing some world traveling along with Bradshaw to promote upcoming live WWE events. Ivory will be the only female on the talent roster traveling to India if you are keeping score at home.

We’re not. We quit doing that months ago, when your programming became so bad, it became nearly impossible to consider it for even the most light-hearted critical analysis.

I am personally proud of the progress Albert has been making in recent weeks. His live-event matches have been very solid and he seems to me to be very close to increased TV exposure. At 6 foot 7, 350 pounds, the former four-year starter on the O-line at Pitt is a real hoss and has the intellect to match his physical abilities. Don't be surprised that if some day in the near future this big fella makes an impact on WWE television. He comes from a great family, and his dad played pro football with the old AFL Boston Patriots many moons ago.

His words, not mine: “a real hoss.”

I had a wonderful surprise telephone call from Bobby "The Brain" Heenan last Friday night. The Brain is doing well and his book is already in its second printing. It is a funny-as-hell read and is available at most major bookstores or on Amazon.com. It is a quick and enjoyable book about Bobby's life in our business with some of his classic stories included. The "Wease," as many of us have called him for years, has at least one more book in him with all the stories and experiences he DIDN'T write about in the current publication!

Somebody needs to buy that for me. Maybe I should sell out and make a wish list.

The WWE Divas Undressed magazine is getting lots of positive feedback and is available now on newsstands most everywhere. I know Jerry "the King" Lawler has really enjoyed staring, er, looking at the photos.

Get it? It’s because the King’s a perv and he looks at girls!!!!!!!! LOL!

Speaking of the King, his book has gone to the printers and will be released in December. From what I have been able to tell, it's going to be a very good read. Hollywood Hulk Hogan's book will be out in November and he has scheduled several appearances to promote his story. Like the King's story, Hogan's book covers a lot of ground for one of the business' most colorful, significant, and, often times, controversial figures.

For the record, these books will never be appearing on any wishlist I may or may not make.

I have had an interesting week on the personal front. We have had great news regarding the BBQ sauce, as a Toronto-based company will soon be manufacturing and distributing our original sauce recipe. I scored a sideline pass for the OU-Texas game which is HUGE! And then I had a "routine" visit to the dentist that turned out to be not so mundane. My dentist noticed a "little problem" under some bridgework that turned out to be a trip to another dentist on the same day, where the entodontist diagnosed me with having an infected nerve in a tooth that necessitated a ROOT CANAL! Off comes the bridge, twice in one day; a routine visit turns into two visits with two different dentists which turns into minor surgery with a root canal procedure on a nerve that could not be fully deadened!

I won’t make fun of you for that whole root canal episode. Those things are hell on earth.

But all will be right with the world as I am totally "jacked" about my trip to the Cotton Bowl, tooth issues or not, and attending one of the most significant sporting events on my calendar. This will make my 12th or 13th Sooners-Longhorns game live and it is one of the highlights of my entire year, especially if Oklahoma can make it three in a row over Texas. The Longhorns are favored by three for this nationally televised game on ABC Saturday at 3:30 p.m. ET, but I am a true believer and expect a CLOSE victory for OU in what should be one helluva SLOBBER-KNOCKER!

I don't care enough about either of these teams to look up the game and see who won. Holy fuck am I lazy sometimes.

Take care and I hope to see you from Montreal this Monday night for RAW.

You won't. I hate Canada almost as much as I hate RAW right now, so I won't be partaking of either, assfag.

J.R. (BOOMER SOONER!!)