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OK, the first thing you're going to notice- I'm dropping the Normageddon moniker. When I started writing here, I picked the name because it was a clever little play on words and because everybody else seemed to have a pen name. But to be quite honest with you, I feel like I've outgrown it. And because we're kind of hitting the restart button right now, I decided to make a change. So from now on it's just me- NormanB. Perhaps in a few years, I can get all pretentious and claim first name recognition like Cher, Elvis and Madonna. Then I'll simply ne known as "Norm." And maybe after that, I can go loopy in the head like Prince, and in lieu of going by a symbol, I will simply be known as"N." And you will all love me for my androgenous mannerisms and my special jeans that let my ass cheeks hang all the way out. But for now, NormanB will do just fine. Make me some banners. Pretty please? Oh yeah, wrestling! The big news of the week involves Stone Cold Steve Austin taking his ball and going home after being informed that he was to work a match with the quivering mass of muscle known as Brock Lesnar. It isn't known if he was expected to do the job or to go over, but apparently he was upset by the very thought of entering the ring with Brock without the proper buildup. Did Steve Austin do the right thing by walking out?. My gut tells me yes, and I usually listen to my gut, except at 2:15 in the morning when I'm heading back from the bar and it tells me to stop at the convenience store for hot dogs before I go home and pass out. Who am I kidding? I always stop for the hot dogs. Anyway, I think Stone Cold did the right thing by walking out. Let's face it: the WWF needs Steve Austin more than Steve Austin needs the WWF. It's probably fair to say that Steve Austin has made enough money in the wrestling business to retire right now and live comfortably off the interest from his savings. Austin himself has said in many interviews that he enjoys just hanging out in Texas, drinking beer, hunting and riding his four-wheeler. Those aren't real expensive hobbies folks. What exactly is Steve Austin losing again? Oh yeah, not much at all. The WWF, on the other hand, loses one of their biggest draws in history. Yes, they have a deep roster to draw from. Yes, they have plenty of capable performers just dying to step up into the main event. But they just don't have too many Stone Colds: performers who connect with the audience no matter what they do. "But Norm," you protest, "The Rock is just as popular as Stone Cold!" "But fair reader," I retort, "The Rock has just signed to do another movie in addition to Hell Dorado, which takes his acting schedule well into 2003." Brother Duane knows where the big money is, so don't expect him to return to fulltime ring duty anytime soon. Seriously. My advice to Steve Austin is to sit back and enjoy his time off. Spend some time with your kids. Drink beer. Ride your four wheeler all over Texas. Go hunting. Have lots of sex with your wife. And just for laughs, send some pictures of you and Debra to Fat Mongo to see if you can drive him to commit suicide. The WWF will milk Steve Austin's departure for everything they can. They will decry his lack of professionalism. They will invoke the "time honored tradition." But in the end, they'll make the first phone call. Just like they called Hogan, Hall and Nash. Just like they continue to call Bret Hart. Vince McMahon has tried on several occasions to bring Bret back to the WWF, and he hates the air the Bret Hart breathes. Bottom line: if Vince thinks he can draw money from Steve Austin, he will pick up the phone and get him back in the ring. So there's no doubt in my mind that Stone Cold Steve Austin will be back in the WWF. Maybe not this week, maybe not the next, but he'll be back before it's all said and done. And I swear to Jebus, if Vince utters the words "Steve screwed Steve" Saturday night on Confidential, I will drive to his home and beat him to death with a large, unforgiving piece of wood.
NormanB |