Honesty time! I had every intention of putting together one of those well-written, analytical wrestling posts that I like to do from time to time. You know, taking the time to properly introduce a subject, clearly outline my points, then close it up with a witty, but telling conclusion.

BUT... (oh yes, there's always a but)

I don't feel like doing that anymore. It's two in the afternoon. I didn't sleep for shit last night. I have a cold. I just had an unhealthy lunch of two slices of pizza, a Little Debbie Fudge Round and a Wild Cherry Pepsi, so I now feel bloated and tired. My company is too goddam cheap to turn on the air conditioning, so it feels like a hundred and forty-fucking-five degrees in my nano-sized cubicle.

So this list is just going to have to do. The meat and potatoes of what I'm trying to get across is still here, I just didn't take the time to gussy it up with "transitional paragraphs," a "logical conclusion" or other interesting writing devices I employ in my professional career as a copywriter.

So, in no particular order and without further adieu (look it up)...

The Top Ten Reasons You Should Be Watching NWA/TNA

1. The X Division roxors your boxers
Quite possibly the best thing TNA has going for it right now, the X Division features predominantly cruiser-sized guys who absolutely shred in the ring. The interesting thing about the X Division's lineup is that it isn't based on weight, rather "high-flying ability." While I don't necessarily like the subjectivity of that premise, I will freely admit that the X Division matches have stolen the show three weeks in a row. When you combine veterans like Jerry Lynn and Psicosis with hungry young grapplers like Low Ki and X Division Champion AJ Styles, you have a formula for excellent wrestling. TNA has already showcased a variety of X Division matches, including 1-on-1 confrontations, 6-man tags, 4-man double-elimination bouts and they have even slated a 6-man elimination match for this Wednesday's card. I've yet to be disappointed by an X Division match. I hope TNA can keep the momentum going.

2. AJ Styles is the best new wrestler I've see in a long time
First champion of the aforementioned X Division, as well as a co-holder of the TNA Tag Title, AJ Styles has made a huge splash in the three short weeks TNA has been on television. He is scintillating in the ring. His entrance music has a Celtic bent to it, so it is immediately recognizable. The crowd is already popping for him because of his excellent ring work. He remains untested on the mic, which could theoretically make or break him, but I'm already sold. He's just outstanding in the ring. Middle-rope Styles Clash- 'nuff said.

3. Competition is good. You hear that Vince?
If it weren't for TNA, Scott Hall would have to go crawling back to the Shift Supervisor at Taco Bell to get his job back. Brian Christopher would be forced to take advantage of his pseudo-celebrity in Memphis and survive on the profits from used car commercials. Jeff Jarrett would be forced to sit at home and helplessly watch from his deck as Captain Mark Patterson tried to anally rape his dog. OK, perhaps these are bad examples, but TNA can be a home for great wrestlers who will never get a chance in the WWF, as well as wrestlers who were given a shot in the WWF, but never quite found their niche. Seriously, who would have ever guessed that:

4. K Krush is actually one hell of a performer.
That is not a typo. K Krush, surprisingly enough, is one of the standouts of the TNA upper card. His promos have been excellent and on-target every time. He can work a great match, and he sells like hell for whomever he is facing. He's even managed to make those hayseeds from NASCAR look good in the ring. I have nothing but praise for him. I'm even willing to forgive the whole "Gettin' Rowdy" bullshit he had going on with the Road Dogg a few years back.

5. Mike Tenay is your god.
While I love Don West for his raving ways, he has been nothing short of abysmal as a wrestling announcer. Dreadlock Ed is doing a fair (and only fair) job. Yet Mike Tenay still seems to find a way to make them sound better than they actually are. He adds a note of familiarity and tons of credibility to TNA. I will try to say this without sounding like a huge fag, but it is truly a joy to listen to him call a match. Why the WWF didn't snag him when they had the chance is a mystery to me.

6. Monty Brown has superstar written all over his big black ass.
OK, he's only wrestled once, but he looked damn good in his TNA debut. The bookers obviously have plans for him, because he cut a promo on world champion Ken Shamrock during his debut. He seems very capable in the ring and has an explosive personality that really grabbed the audience's attention. I predict BIG things for this guy. He has the look and the skills to make it to the big show. (Not Paul Wight). (Obviously).

7. MIDGETS R FUNEE!!!111!
And hardcore midgets are even better. Puppet the psycho dwarf is just over 4' tall, yet his head is the size of a 45-lb. canned ham. It's almost scary. Fuck that. It is scary. He's only so-so in the ring, but amazingly enough, the crazy little hamhead cuts a decent promo. Last week, he grabbed Goldylocks (the backstage interviewer) and dragged her down to her fucking knees so she would be face to face with him for his promo. With the one move, he won me as a fan for life.

8. Goldylocks has a very unique interviewing style (and she gives me a boner).
And speaking of Goldylocks, there's just something about her. Her backstage style is very rough around the edges. I'm guessing that's because she's new to the business. But the funny thing is, her casual interview style is really starting to grow on me. Instead of being a lifeless hunk of silicone like Terri or Sharmell or /shudder/ Lillian, she lets her personality and attitude really shine though. I suppose in some instances that's a bad thing because she outshines some of the wrestlers during their own interviews. But you know what? Fuck them. I really enjoy her style. And she's pretty hot too. But not quite as hot as:

9. Alicia Webb (Ryan Shamrock/Symphony), who has never, ever looked better.
Sweet Moses! When did she graduate from cutie to fucking sexpot? Alicia is back, wearing sexy little business suits and miniskirts. She's involved with some kind of angle right now where she comes down to ringside and collect money from male refs and announcers. The suggestion is that she is some kind of prostitute, though the announcers haven't come right out and confirmed that. Whatever. She's just insanely hot. There are some very attractive women on the TNA roster right now, but not one of them can hold a candle to Alicia Webb.

10. Ken Shamrock wears flipflops for all his promos and has big, meaty sideburns now.
Shamrock doesn't look like "The World's Most Dangerous Man" anymore. He looks more like "Your Best Friend's Dad" with his khaki shorts, sideburns and flipflops. I don't know if he's trying to redefine the "look" of a world champion, or if he's just too goddam lazy to put on his ring gear for his promos, but either way, it's too ridiculous to ignore. My ears hear him saying things like "I'm going to kick your ass in that ring," and "I'll make you tap out" but my brain translates it into things like "you kids better not be playing with the hose again" and "don't make me come down off this porch."

INSERT AWKWARD TRANSITION.

So that about wraps it up. Yes, there are reasons to NOT watch TNA.
/cough cough/ Scott Hall Buff Bagwell Jeff Jarrett NASCAR Brian Christopher /cough/

But I can honestly tell you that the good outweighs the bad. It's worth the ten bucks to give it a shot. And I'll back that up with my 100% Satisfaction Guarantee! If you buy the NWA/TNA PPV, and you don't like it, just e-mail me, and I'll send you a check for ten bucks to cover your expenses!*

NormanB
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