Al Snow: That's right JR, we're here to find the elite few who are ready to step up and prove themselves Tough Enough to win a WWE Contract!

Big: You know it Al. That guy there, he looks like he might stand a chance at Tough Enough, who is he?

Hugh: I'm Hugh Morrus! I already work for the WWE. Don't you ever watch Velocity?

Big: No.

Al Snow: Me either. Do you Ivory?

Ivory: Can't say that I do. But let me be the first to say right now that I think it's great that the WWE is working hard to promote serious women's wrestling without gratuitous T&A. Hey! Get that camera off my tits! My face is up here!

JR: Let's meet our judges from the MTV network.

MTV Guy: Hey everybody! I work for MTV so you know for sure that I'm young, hip, and completely irreverent! Check out the horns! Jackass style to the extreme!

JR: Dear God in Heaven...

MTV Grrl: And I work for MTV too! I'm so super excited to be here that I'm going to make this snarky expression for the entire show! Grrl power! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

Ivory: Honey, you're doing our entire gender a disservice. Hey! Get that fucking camera off my tits!

Big: Can we please get started? We have a lot of people to interview.

MTV Grrl: Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar! Let's hear it for the Road Rules Casting Special!

Al Snow: I don't deserve this.

Hugh: Neither do I!

JR: Yes you do.

Hugh: Sorry Mr. Ross Sir.

JR: All right folks, let's meet our first contestant. State your name and tell us why you want to be a WWE Superstar.

Contestant 1: My name is Sean Hall, and my cousin Scott told me if I were a big WWE Superstar that I could get hella wasted and nail hot pussy all over the world!

MTV Guy: Awesome! We get wasted at MTV all the time.

Big: There's a lot more to this business than getting wasted and laid Sean. I'm not sure if you're Tough Enough material or not.

Contestant 1: Woo hoo! I'm in! Team Hall rules!!!

Al Snow: Actually, you're not in. But here's $20 for the bars.

Contestant 1: Team Hall rules!!!

JR: Next contestant please.

Contestant 2: I'm Thally, and I am a Worldth Champun Thesial Limpics Dinskus Thrower.

Hugh: And what makes you think you're Tough Enough?

JR: Nobody told you to speak.

Hugh: Sorry Mr. Ross Sir.

Ivory: I think we should give her a shot. We need more positive female role models in the WWE.

MTV Grrl: You so know it Ivory! Raaaaaaaaaaar!

Al Snow: Now Sally, it takes a lot of work to be a WWE Superstar. Do you think you can handle it?

Contestant 2: I can throw my dinskus all the way into the thand pit.

Big: I think that's a shotput, not a discus.

JR: You're correct Big. I'm sorry Sally, but you just too retarded to be a part of the WWE family. Let's get another contestant out here. State your name and reason for applying for Tough Enough.

Contestant 3: My name is Billy Bo! I've been in a fistfight every weekend since 1994 and I'm ready to fight anybody in the WWF!

MTV Guy: I like this guy's spirit! No fear!

Al Snow: How much do you weight Billy Bo?

Contestant 3: I am 82 pounds of pure man!

Al Snow: Of that 82 pounds, how much is mullet hair Billy Bo?

Contestant 3: 17 pounds.

JR: I like this young stud's chances. If we turn him loose, I think he can really go!

Big: You're the boss JR. Billy Bo, welcome to Tough Enough!

Contestant 3: Hoooooooooooooooooooooey!

Ivory: I think we really made a mistake in not picking Sally. She would have been an excellent addition to the always-expanding women's division. And would you get that fucking camera of my tits!

MTV Grrl: Ivory, your tits could definitely bring in the ratings for MTV.

Ivory: Are you looking at my tits?

MTV Grrl: You know it! I'm bi-curious, but only in that cutesy, flirtatious, mainstream, ass-grabbing kind of way. Grrrl power!

MTV Guy: You are such a faux lesbian it's not even funny!

MTV Grrl: Nuh uh. I'm just waiting for the right girl to experiment with!

JR: Can we please get back to business? Our next contestant is named Jake

Jake: I'm back to give it another try to get into the WWE! I'm sick of fighting raging forest fires.

Al Snow: Is he allowed to come back and try again?

Hugh: I don't think so.

JR: Was somebody talking to you?

Hugh: Sorry Mr. Ross.

MTV Guy: Jake was a ratings hit! We'd love to see him back for another season. Rock on Jake!!

Big: We'll have to consult with the people at MTV over this one Jake, but for the time being welcome back to the cast of Tough Enough!

Jake: This is my year for sure!

MTV Grrl: Go Jake! Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

JR: Okay, let's meet our next contestant...

Contestant 4: Ohmigosh! Am I on MTV? Check out my tits baby. You know you want it. I am so ready to be on the Real World!

Ivory: Honey, there's more to being a wrestler than showing you tits.

Contestant 4: What's a wrestler? Check out the rack! Can you see my bush?

Big: I think this young lady is definitely Tough Enough material. Al?

Al Snow: Oh yeah.

MTV Grrl: We so need to get her in the hottub.

MTV Guy: Ratings spike! To the max!

Ivory: You guys can't be serious. Hey! My eyes are up here.

JR: Looks like you're in young lady.

Contestant 4: Ohmigosh, I'm going to be on Road Rules!

Ivory: Can we just keep this moving along?

JR: All right. Next contestant please.

Contestant 5: I'm ready to be a WWE Superstar! I even sewed my very own authentic 100% scale Robin costume. Am I Tough Enough or what?

JR: No.

Ivory: No.

Al Snow: No.

Hugh: No.

MTV Grrl: No.

MTV Guy: No.

Big: No.

Contestant 5: Screw you guys. I'm going home.

JR: Good God almighty! That young man was as queer as a steer! Who's up?

Al Snow: Apparently JR, our next contestant is a chicken.

Contestant 6: Prove it.

Big: You're clearly a chicken.

Contestant 6: No I'm not.

MTV Grrl: Chicken or not, if we get you in the hottub with that girl in the wet t-shirt...

MTV Guy: RATINGS SPIKE!

JR: Looks like it's a go on the chicken.

Ivory: This is the most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed in my life. And please get the camera off my... oh never mind. I'm leaving.

Ivory makes her exit

JR: I'm sorry you feel that way Ivory.

MTV Grrl: We need more strong women like her on MTV. Grrl power!

JR: Let's keep this moving along shall we? Hugh, would you run to the casino and grab me a Budweiser?

Hugh: Right away Mr. Ross.

Hugh runs off looking for JR's beer.

Al Snow: Next contestant please.

Contestant 7: Just like DX said, you can all suck it!!!

Big: How old are you?

Contestant 7: I'm 54. Suck it! DX style!

MTV Guy: I like his style. He'll help us capture the crucial 45+ age demographic. Check out the horns!

JR: Good Lord can we please finish this. Where is that beer anyhow?

Al Snow: I'm sure Hugh will be back in a moment. Is this old guy in or out JR?

JR: Looks like he's in. God help us all. Next!

Big: Hold on a second JR. We're just getting word from the folks at MTV that Jake is ineligible for another season of Tough Enough.

JR: Too bad! I'm sorry son. Any parting words?

Jake: If I had known you were going to pick a chicken, a titflasher and a 82-pound mullet, I probably wouldn't have tried out.

Al Snow: I share your disappointment Jake. You can keep pursuing your dream, just not here.

Jake: In Las Vegas?

Al Snow: Sure. Whatever. Let the next contestant in on your way out.

Big: State your name and reason for wanting to be a WWE Superstar.

Contestant 8: Hi, I'm Ton- I mean Tommy. And I want to join the WWE to make a contribution.

JR: You look familiar Tommy. Have you sent in a tape before?

Contestant 8: No sir. I'm here for the first time to try to put some asses in the seats.

JR: Wait a doggone minute! That's you Tony Schiavone.

Tony: Come on JR! I need the WWE contract. I haven't worked since the XWF tapings. I have a family to feed.

JR: I'd hire that freakshow in the Robin suit before I hired you.

Contestant 5: Hey!

Al Snow: Sorry Tony.

Big: I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave.

Tony: You leave me no choice. I have to release my secret weapon!

Suddenly, a familiar car comes crashing into the casting area...

Tony: That's right! It's the Gremberg, and inside...

Goldberg: Who's next? Where's my check?

Tony: Teach them all a lesson Goldberg. Teach them humility.

Goldberg: Mailman Bob! Where's my check?

Mailman Bob: It's going to be a little late Mr. Goldberg. The new postal rates have just taken effect, and it's slowing the mail down a little bit.

Tony: Oh no. Please tell me you have his check...

JR: Somebody call security!

Goldberg: That's it Mailman Bob. You're next!

Al Snow: Oh no! He speared him right through the wall!

Big: Your plan has failed Tony! Somebody call security.

Tony: Not yet it hasn't. I had hoped it wouldn't come to this. But it's time for my backup plan! Release the baby suicide bomber from the Gremberg!

JR: No!

Al Snow: Anything but that!

MTV Grrl: But everybody loves babies!

MTV Guy: HUGE BABY RATINGS!

Big: Don't you get it? We're all going to die!!!

Baby: A Goo?