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Let’s see, the last time you saw my name up here was….hang on…. Hey! August 23rd. Four months later and I’m back like a bad case of jock itch. Yeah, I don’t really like wrestling anymore, and I watch about as regularly as Barbwire Mike gets his period (*cough*), but I figured I would treat you to something you haven’t seen in a while, a really unfunny person attempting to make fun of wrestling news! Oh, wait, I apologize. I forgot RoughKut posted here. Nevermind, this is probably exactly what you’re used to. - Trish Stratus worked the Armageddon PPV with a broken nose. Actually, that’s not true, Trish didn’t actually work with a broken nose. She was carried with a broken nose. - People who are on WWE's mailing list, all three of them, will receive a special password on January 3rd that will allow them to purchase tickets for WrestleMania on January 6th before they go on sale to the general public on January 11th. The password, oddly enough, will be “password”, showing how creative those zany WWE people truly are. - The December 30th RAW will be a special "Best Of" show that will not feature new content. WWE is hoping nobody will notice, since RAW hasn’t featured new content in two years. - AJ Styles is currently the only NWA:TNA wrestler with custom merchandise. He’s also currently the only NWA:TNA wrestler.
soilentkev : hey, was that AJ Styles joke funny? THIS JUST IN : AJ Styles needs a haircut. Badly. More on this shocking story as we get it. - Gail Kim was backstage at the Armageddon PPV. She was there to carry Dawn Marie’s bags. - WWE is advertising that the winner of the 2003 Royal Rumble will get a "title shot" at WrestleMania. WWE is also advertising that RVD will be appearing at a Walgreens opening in Hoboken during the PPV. - There is a lot of talk of Steve Austin winning the Royal Rumble, drinking some beers, saying WHAT WHAT WHAT, then going on to face the WWE Champion at WrestleMania. This would mean that he would be on the Smackdown brand. Austin is unlikely to return to the RAW brand due to his problems with the RAW creative team as well as his desire to punch blonde women in the face. Torrie Wilson has not been seen or heard from since this story broke. Neither has Crash Holly. - Marc Mero did an online chat at the official website of the No Holds Barred radio show www.noholdsbarredwrestling.com on December 17th. Below are some of the chat's highlights. - Marc revealed that he & Rena have not been asked to appear on the Raw 10th Anniversary Special. When told about this news, Barbwire Mike was near tears. soilentkev : I made a joke about you liking Marc Mero… barbwrmike : you made a joke? For what, the post you’re working on? soilentkev : yeah, it was funny barbwrmike : well that’s a new direction for you. soilentkev : ….fuck i hate you - Marc admitted that he misses performing in front of an audience. The feeling, however, was not mutual. - When asked about the internet, Marc said that he paid more attention to wrestling sites when he was still competing & that he visits the sites on rare occasions now. It’s hard to get on the internet when you’re homeless. THIS JUST IN : AJ Styles sideburns have grown 3/4 of an inch. They may overtake his nose as the most prominent feature on his face. More on this as it develops. - Marc talked briefly about competing in Japan, stating that he had a hard time understanding what the Japanese wrestlers were saying during his matches. However, he understood the fans perfectly because they were all asleep. - Marc stated that if he was involved in a bar fight, he would want Spike Dudley to be his back-up. Spike has a cell phone and could call for some REAL men to come fight. - The chat ended with Marc saying that he wouldn't write his autobiography. This wouldn’t make sense as he can’t read. THIS JUST IN : AJ Styles, the phone number to a Supercuts near you is 692-3592. Please make an appointment. Stay tuned to Lethal as this story grows (heh!) throughout the day. - Chris Jericho recently appeared on Tough Enough. He showed the kids how to job properly. - Torrie Wilson has not been very excited about working the lesbian angle with Dawn Marie, but word is that she has not complained about it and gone forward with it anyway. The reason for this? Well, since she sleeps with Kidman almost nightly, she’s already well experienced in having sex with women. Badumdumching. - Many in WWE can’t come up with a logical reason as to why RVD wasn't on Armageddon. Of course, the general feeling backstage is that RVD wasn't on the show because he was somewhere else. Which is ironic as that sounds pretty logical to me. - Hector Guerrero, brother of Eddie Guerrero and uncle of Chavo Guerrero, was backstage at the PPV. He was helping Gail Kim carry Dawn Marie’s bags. - William Regal is often seen in the trainer’s room getting muscles worked on. He is also often seen in Pat Patterson’s office getting muscles worked on. I apologize for including a Patterson joke, but it has been a minute since I’ve done this. - Kevin Nash, who’s rehab has gone slower than expected due to multiple hangovers, is still considered to appear at WrestleMania. Chances are you’ll be able to find him at the concession stand. And now, for nostalgic purposes, and to make this post look longer, I present to you a reprint of my adventure at the TOUGH ENOUGH 2 casting special. If you remember, the winners of Tough Enough 2 were Jackie Gayda and Linda Myles. Read closely, Jackie is known as “Hot Blonde” in the post…. Originally posted on : 11/19/01 Yesterday the World Wrestling Federation decided to grace the presence of my town by doing the Tough Enough 2 casting special here. For those of you who are a little slow, yes I do live in Las Vegas. To say that the show was comedy would be an understatement. Never in my life have I see a group of more untalented, pathetic individuals in competition with each other. If you thought the first year had a hilarious group of morons just wait until you see this casting special. We showed up at Caesar's Palace at 4:30 and headed over to the Tough Enough 2 tryouts. There was only one problem, we couldn't find it for shit. Apparently the WWF decided to make signs with TINY Tough Enough 2 logos on them with itty bitty arrows pointing towards the pool. I pride myself on not having to ask people where to go, especially when I know the layout of Caesars like the back of my hand, but we had no choice except to stop and ask for directions. We finally get out to the area where the tryouts are, near the pool. We take a seat and realize there are about 10 people total watching. No, don't go back and re-read that last sentence, you did read it correctly. TEN PEOPLE were watching the fucking tryouts! I realize people have lives and everything, hell I had to work and go to school on Wednesday so I had to wait until Thursday night to go to the tapings, but 10 PEOPLE?! The sadder part was, when we talked to a guy who had been there both days, him saying that this was the most people that had come out since the tryouts started. Gee, the WWF sure seems alive and kicking in beautiful Las Vegas! Phft... Now I believe we got there at #193 or some such number. Apparently out of 7000 applicants the WWF called 250 of them and told them to come to Vegas to try out. They did #1-125 on Wednesday and did the rest up until #230 on Thursday. The first thing we did was try to spot who was all up on stage :  I realize JR looks like has a planet on his head, but I can't draw a stupid cowboy hat. The funniest part of it all was seeing Coach down on the left side of where the rest were sitting, standing there with his arms crossed. They told Coach he couldn't sit at the "big boy" table and made him go get waters for everyone. That was the last we saw of Coach for the night. The bastard trendy MTV idiots were the biggest annoyances of the night. For example : MTV Trendy Guy #1 Question : "So we see here you've had a lot of your family die. How has this affected you emotionally?" Ivory's Question : "Do you like girls with big asses?" MTV Trendy Guy #2 Question : "If you had to date any member of the Backstreet Boys who would it be? I would totally date AJ." Bob Holly's Question : "Do you do steroids?" MTV Trendy Guy #3 Question : "Do you like the new Ja Rule video?!" Jim Ross' Question : "Have you ever watched a day of WWF programming in your life?" See what I mean? I was praying for half the lighting rig to fall on the MTV side of the table. All the MTV people wore their hip glasses (which were probably not needed for vision and just worn to look "cool") and, it's assumed, listen to EMO. Kevin Dunn and Big John didn't do much of anything all night except smoke.....lots. JR kept quiet but when he actually talked to the contestants, you knew they were interested in the guy. JR talked to maybe 5 "wanna-be" wrestlers the entire time we were there. I didn't hear much of what Al Snow was saying, but from what I did hear he just asked them about their previous wrestling experience and such. Some of the people were driving Al insane, as, more than a few times, he was shaking his head at the stupidity in front of him. Ivory and Bob Holly were the ones who kept it entertaining. First off, if the guy in the ring was even halfway non-repulsive, Ivory would flirt with him like there was no tomorrow. She asked one contestant to describe his favorite sexual experience! MMN - "If I were in the ring I would just say, 'Well, my favorite sexual experience was when I printed out an Ivory mask from my computer and made my girlfriend wear it one night'..." Pi - "Haha, good call!" Ivory also made contestants do hilarious shit, which we'll get into when we break down the contestants one by one soon. Bob Holly only asked questions to the guys he thought were roided up. He pretty much kept quiet and continually had a "Why the fuck am I here?" look on his face. Chavo Guerrero Jr. was there as well, but he got off the stage about 10 minutes after we got there and we didn't see him the rest of the night. We did spot him walking by with his wife after everyone took a break for dinner, and let me say that, after seeing Chavo's wife, I have a whole new respect for the man. That was one fine piece of zimzam! While the people on stage were funny, the hopefuls trying out to become WWF superstars were even more comedic. They would call the contestants out, who would run to the ring and grab the microphone. Kevin Dunn or "Big" John would tell them to state their name and show their physique. They would take off their shirts, do a little pose, and then had 30 seconds to cut a promo to try and "wow" Al Snow and the other wrestlers. After they cut their promo they had to do the bag jump (just like in the first season, jumping back and forth over the rolling stuffed barrel thingies), then had to do 10 push-ups with a clap in between each push-up, and finally do a kip-up (the thing the Rock does when he gets his energy back, a handspring jump which gets you from flat on your back to your feet). The ring itself was obviously an old boxing ring that Caesars had, which was rock hard. There was really no chance of these guys taking any kind of actual bump in the ring. They were then asked questions and, afterwards, taken over to another area to do a sit down interview with a psychologist. Let's take a moment to go over individual contestants that stuck out in my mind. Contestant #196.........FAT BLONDE Now Fat Blonde looked like Trish Stratus. Wait, let me rephrase that. Fat Blonde looked like she ATE Trish Stratus. Now Fat Blonde almost fell over the barrel jump, couldn't do a push-up to save her life, and, when attempting to do the kip-up, fell on her ass hard. The sound systems were really horrible, so if the guys up on the stage or the contestants didn't speak RIGHT into the microphones, it was impossible to hear. I did hear Ivory say something about her weight, which was the most obvious thing about Fat Blonde. After watching a couple of contestants we decided to go grab some dinner. On the way back into Caesars we saw Fat Blonde talking to someone on a cell phone....CRYING! THAT WAS THE FUNNIEST THING I SAW THE ENTIRE NIGHT. Fat Blonde = "And then *sniff* they told me *sob* that my thights *sniff* looked like Turkey legs! Then Al Snow *sob* called me Butterball!" BWHAHAHahahHAhhAhHAHhhaha!!!!!!!111111 After dinner we got back just in time for THEM to decide to take an hour dinner break. Since there were only 10 people in the crowd, half of which had come with someone who was trying out, the wrestlers had no problem walking right by us without fears of getting mobbed for autographs or pictures. Ivory, who is easily five times more gorgeous in person than she is on TV, walked right by us where Pi's brother threw out this question to her : "Hey Ivory, you going to be back after lunch?" Ivory looked at him and responded with : "You mean DINNER?!" MMN - "Dude your ONE chance with Ivory and you totally fucking blew it!" Pi's Brother - "Bah, dinner, lunch, same fucking thing." MMN - "I can't believe you blew it bro." Chavo and Bob Holly quickly hurried by so we didn't even get a chance to talk to them or take pictures or anything. Jim Ross walked by and stopped to sign an autograph for someone. He didn't seem like all that bad of a guy in person. That didn't stop the fact I wanted to chuck a rock at him. Al Snow was the nicest wrestler I've ever met. He stopped to talk to all 10 of us that were standing there, signed anything anyone asked him to, and took pictures with anyone who wanted one. He was really good natured about the whole thing and seemed like he had a great sense of humor about it all. The best part was this :  Yes that's Al Snow flipping Pi off. Why did Al Snow flip off Pi? BECAUSE I FUCKING TOLD HIM TO. MMN (holding the camera) - "Hey Al, flip him off!" Al - "Alright...." SEE! I TALK AND THE WWF LISTENS GOD DAMNIT! *ahem* When they got back from dinner and started seeing more contestants we were treated to this beauty. Contestant #198.........PUNK CHICK Now Punk Chick was special. She was completely out of shape, had short pink hair, and was wearing suspenders with tight plad pants. Punk Chick decided she was going to STEP over the barrels, not jump over them. She also decided to do a whopping 3 push-ups before giving up on it, and her kip-up was nothing more than her laying on her back with her legs in the air and her legs falling flat on the mat. It was the poorest example of athletic ability we saw all night. Ivory - "I'm going to be honest with you honey, if you were in the WWF there's no way in hell I would be under one of your moonsaults. You have this mean 'tough girl' image but underneath you're really just a wimp aren't you?" Needless to say, Punk Chick was kicked out of the ring rather quickly. Contestant #202.........SOME GUY'S SISTER This guy was sitting next to us and told us his sister was going to be trying out. This guy was pretty fugly, he reminded me of Powder, so I was doubtful of how great his sister was going to look. Apparently he got the short end of the genetics in THAT family. This guy's sister had a dynamite little body and a great look. She was blonde but she didn't look like Torrie or Trish or any other blonde in the WWF. She was what Jim Ross would call a "spitfire". The guy told us that his sister had been wrestling in the Maryland indy federation, MCW, and had about 12 professional matches under her belt. Unfortunately it seemed to go down the shitter when Ivory got a hold of her. Ivory - "You seem like such a nice, perky, upbeat girl. But I don't think you have one mean bone in your body. Sometimes the WWF will ask you to be the bitch, to be the one everyone hates. If I asked you to be a heel, to be the bitch, could you do that right now?" Some Guy's Sister - "SURE! Ok....*ahem*, I don't think women in the WWF should be used as T&A! It's not right! It's bad! It sucks! I hate when people only think women are T&A! DAMNIT!" Ivory - "Ok that was horrible. Now sometimes the WWF wants you to wear a tiny bikini. I don't like it but I have to do it, it's part of the job. We are sexy women who are also tough. If I asked you to strip down to your bra and panties right now would you do that?" MMN - "NICE! TAKE IT OFF!" Dude - "That's my sister man." MMN - "Sorry" Dude's Sister - "Uhm....no I don't think I want to take anything off." Ivory - "Thank you, bye bye now." I don't think her chances are very good. Back to MCW with ye! Contestant #207...............FAG Now Fag came down to the ring not looking like a fag. He looked like a pretty average guy. That was until the questions started : Ivory - "What's your most humiliating moment?" Fag - "When I was in college trying out for my frat and they paddled me 49 times!" "Big" John - "So do you watch the WWF?" Fag - "Yes sir" "Big" John - "What's your favorite WWF moment?" Fag - "When Jeff Hardy hit the swanton bomb off the ladder!" Yeah, they told Fag to fuck off. And rightfully so! Jeff Hardy's swanton is your favorite WWF moment, phft. Contestant #215...........Mr. Druggie Mr. Druggie was special. He zoomed to the ring, forgetting to grab the microphone. He zoomed back out of the ring, grabbed the mic, and zoomed back into the ring in about 1 1/2 seconds. This guy was obviously high as a kite. During his jumps over the barrels he screamed like a banshee and during each push-up he would throw himself into the air. Ivory - "So would you go jump in that pool if I asked you to?" Mr. Druggie - "YES!!! OF COURSE I WILL!!!" Ivory - "Go to it boy" *Mr. Druggie goes and jumps in the pool* Kevin Dunn - "Do it again" *Mr. Druggie jumps in the pool again* Kevin Dunn - "Thank you, bye." Contestant #223...............STEROID BOY Steroid Boy was interesting. This guy was HUGE, at least as big as Scott Steiner. The guy was so roided up he couldn't even put his arms over his head. After a horrible kip-up, where he landed flat on his tailbone twice, Bob Holly finally decided to speak. Bob Holly - "That's some nasty, dirty shit you must be on. Now I'm going to ask you straight up, and if you tell me no I'm going to call you a liar, how much juice do you got running through you?" Steroid Boy - "None" Bob Holly - "Have you ever done any?" Steroid Boy - "No" Bob Holly - "Would you be willing to take a drug test? If you get chosen to be one of the final 25 we will test you for drugs." Steroid Boy - "Ok" Bob Holly - "Were you born in this country?" Steroid Boy - "Yes" MTV Idiot - "How do you feel about rape?" Steroid Boy - "It's bad" MTV Idiot - "Well some girls in the back were complaining that you were grabbing their butts." Steroid Boy - "They didn't say no when I did it" MTV Idiot - "SO THAT MEANS IT'S OK?!?!?!" MMN - "SHUT THE FUCK UP MTV IDIOT, GOOD GOD!" Apparently MTV doesn't like rapists. Chances of seeing a rape on MTV? Slim to none. Steroid Boy is going to have to stick to posing for "Muscle & Fitness" magazine. Contestant #225...........FAT BLACK If you can imagine a fatter Stevie Ray, with tits, you pretty much know what this guy looks like. I'm not going to even talk about his physical tests because they were god awful. Ivory - "So do women like your boobs?" Fat Black - "They like my body. Want me to show you what I got?" *begins stripdown* Everyone On Stage - "NO KEEP THAT ON!" It was about this point that MTV nerd production girl came up to us and told us if we didn't keep it down we would be asked to leave. WWF FANS! COME SHOW YOUR SUPPORT FOR TOUGH ENOUGH WHEN WE HOLD THE CASTING SPECIAL IN LAS VEGAS AT BEAUTIFUL CAESARS PALACE!!!!!! (make sure you keep the noise down though) We didn't keep quiet for shit. If anything we got louder. Contestant #229..........HOT BLONDE Hot Blonde looked like Trish Stratus times 4. This girl was siliconed up and it was pretty obvious she was a model or stripper of some sort. Apparently she was at the last Tough Enough tapings because it's one of the first things Ivory asked her about. Ivory - "So are you wild and crazy?!" Hot Blonde - "YEAH!" Ivory - "Would you be willing to jump in the pool?" As SOON as those words spilled out of Ivory's mouth all 8 guys in the audience and the MTV camera guy go running over to where the pool is in anticipation of wet girl goodness. After a few minutes of hesitation the girl agrees to do it and the result was a thing of beauty. Chances of that making it on TV are very high : Hot girl + wet = ratings. MMN - "Now if Ivory jumped in the pool with her my fantasies would come true." Pi - "Hahahaha" Pi didn't say much. He basically just laughed at my jokes. But that's because I'm so super funny in person it's hard not to laugh at me...er, WITH ME, WITH ME. Overall it was a fun experience. There was a diamond or two in the rough, including some guy from the IWA promotion who was trained by Harley Race. They spent a good 20 minutes talking to this guy alone whereas all the other contestants only got 5-7 minutes each. Jim Ross was particularly interested in this IWA guy, I believe his name was Matt Markerson or something along those lines. I believe this series of Tough Enough is going to be three times the entertainment value of last season, simply because Ivory and Bob Holly are two of the trainers. The whole trip down to Caesars was worth it alone for the pic of Al Snow flipping Pi off. Now Pi has had Al Snow, Brian Christopher, and me flip him off. He must be so proud!
MMN
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