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 RIP Ted Petty, aka “Rocco Roc”. The Public Enemy gave me one of my all-time mark moments when they made their Nitro debut putting The American Males through tables in Miami while I lost my voice screaming for them. Latty datty, hope it’s an eternal party. The brand new Zenk is already up, to go along with new Jonny X, SamJerry and the living king of indy wrestling knowledge Tony D. (Good to see you back up there, bro). If history is any indicator our star Ginger’s latest opus should be up shortly as well (don’t tell her I think Edge might actually need a haircut to go to the next level). As if there needed to be any further reason to be shilling THE RING POST today, that banner comes to us from my ace boon coon Yeahgr who’s also responsible for the cool-ass new look and scrolling news thingy. Much luv, ninja. Whew, thank goodness for the mercy of TIMO PEREZ to still have the ability to get that shill in. Alright, time to get to the SPECIAL EXPANDED RECAP: AMERICA’S MOST WANTED 9/21/02 Man, I freaking hate John Walsh. Still, I’m going to try and do the classy thing and not make any Ottis Toole jokes in this. No promises, but it’ll get the old college try. We start with clips of the WWE!! Great, way to associate all wrestling with the light-bulb sodomy matches we’re about to see. Oh, good… there’s actually a reason for it. John’s just name-dropping them as a reminder they were used to help solve an ongoing murder investigation on his show previously. As we see clips of New Jack making suckaz bleed, we’re told this crazy stuff is from a violent subculture of the sport, known as “indy wrestling”. Heh, poor Chris Daniels. Since they want the viewers captivated right from the get-go, the first clip in the story is SABU launching himself onto a table out of the ring. This is already the best thing I’ll see all night. Gary Yip, head of EPIC Wrestling (they were putting on the Messiah benefit show most of the footage comes from), sets the tone. Says these guys aren’t like WWE stars who just do this, that most have day jobs then come to small venues on the weekend to be wrestlers. “And they’ll do anything to get noticed”, we’re told… awl right, here we go. First shot is of what looks like a hacksaw around his neck as light bulbs shatter over Messiah’s skull. The announcer tells us “they claim those are real fluorescent light bulbs”. Um… anyone want to tell me where the FUCK you can get fake ones? Thankfully, Walsh passed this assignment onto one of his underlings so that comment won’t make me break the “no jokes about his headless brat” rule. NEW JACK as the crimson flows. “The bloodier the better”, AMW correspondent Tom Morris tells us. He must be reading my rulebook. We’re shown a couple of fatties that Tony D. probably knows practicing as clips of the workers setting up the ring are spliced in. They also stretch each other out and talk and yap about boring stuff. Can we get to some crime here? Messiah, aka William Welsh, is introduced… called a specialist in the “most violent type of match in this violent business: The Death Match”. Lots of clips, most involving broken glass. He earned a cult following among fans, including one guy who got a tattoo of his bloody face on his arm (which Messiah responds with “I told him ‘dude, you may want to get that removed, seriously’”. HA!) They say he was “headed for the big leagues” (which is debatable at best) when on August 1 he found himself involved in a “real life death match”. It’s time to go into the re-creation of the crime (first covered on this site HERE). Messiah says he assumed they were friends of his roommate and at first they just said “what’s up” to each other, but then he saw them lock the door and knew something was up. They got him a choke-lock and then pulled out gardening shears. The story of the thumb is eerie in its simplicity. “They pulled out my thumb and just want “snip” and the thumb popped right off”. He fought them off and made it to the door but couldn’t unlock it because that requires a thumb. DAAAMN! They hit him with a fish tank and he says “one started to unbuckle my belt. Whether he was trying to take my penis or not I’ll never know”. Either way, he wasn’t about to find out so he fought and fought until they finally ran off. Messiah takes off his bandage to show the nub, which is so gross they have to blur it. A LAPD Detective speculates that if it was a hired hit, they might do such a thing as proof the act was done. Now we get to the meat of things. “But who would want to see Messiah hurt for real? For that, we delved in to the secretive and sometimes sleazy world of indy wrestling.” They come right out with it, saying he’d mocked his former boss Rob Black and had been rumored to have an affair with his porn star wife. They show the outside of XPW offices but say they were locked out when they tried to ask questions. Damn, it’s looking less and less like we’re going to hear New Jack’s accusations here. Messiah says he’s in hiding now, and we see clips of his emotional return to the ring at the EPIC show. The suspects’ sketches are again shown. If you see Randy Moss or Brother Marquis of 2 Live Crew, please contact authorities immediately. Now of course, this is a serious crime show that depends on REAL tips from viewers with relevant information, so I d NEVER suggest calling their hotline at 1-800-CRIME-TV and saying “ROB BLACK DID IT!” Yup, even though it’s a free call, there’s no reason to dial 1-800-CRIME-TV with your speculations. Well, that was somewhat boring… but at least the story is out in front of the world now. The best part is that Messiah says he’s going to wrestle again. The worst part is that hundreds of legitimate indy wrestlers just got grouped in with the thumbtack and light bulb crowd. End of segment. WWE VELOCITY 9/21/02 Kurt rapes Rock and AWAY WE GO. OPENING GRAPHICS! EXPLODIES OUT THE WAZOO! Mark Lloyd briefly mentions Stephanie pulling a fast one on Eric then Billy Kidman’s music hits. Mark’s wearing a WWE windbreaker, apparently to appease the new viewers they’ve picked up the last few weeks. Cole already appeals to them so there’s no need to resort to gimmicks. Tajiri music hits. Man, I never get tired of seeing these two go at it. Good thing too, since it’s twelve thousandth meeting between them. The title match at Unforgiven is shilled. Incidentally, at least one reader has speculated that my attacks on Sara in the latest ANIMAL TALK must mean I’m gay, which begs the question: When did “gay” became a term for “having good eyesight”? They remind us the cruiserweights are SmackDown exclusive and an example of how much fun they are to watch was on display in the mixed tag match with Rey and Torrie against Noble and Nidia. The announcers say that Kidman has really improved since slowing down his game, because those four and five star matches he had in WCW weren’t really what the fans want to see. Such an improvement is evident as Billy gets tossed shoulder-first into the guard rail. The announcers are back on Taker, and how he’s an emotional “freight train” right now. They register their disgust at Lesnar putting his hands on Sara’s womb, and inducing a false labor by not being anywhere near her last Thursday. So let me get this straight; preventing Undertaker from breeding is a HEEL move? What a nutty business. Then they say the words I’ve been waiting to hear: “For Undertaker, it’s not about titles tonight”. YASE! You go ahead and bloody him up then job to your heart’s content, Mark. Lloyd realizes this giveaway and suggests that hurting Brock and winning the belt would be killing two birds with one stone. Tajiri focuses on the injured arm of Billy while Kidman fights back with his remaining appendages. Inziguiri gets a near fall for Bill but then gets superkicked while flying off the rope. We’re reminded Stephanie has do HLA if her boys lose at the PPV tonight, or has Bischoff kiss her ass if she wins. Someone tell me again how Eric loses here? Oh right, because he’ll probably winding up kissing Rikishi’s ass instead. Billy with a facebuster out of a powerbomb attempt but misses the shooting star follow-up. Tajiri misses a couple of times, then nails his big kick and this one is over. STILL TO COME: More Undertaker. Is it too late to just post the AMW recap and call it an early day? Commercials BURGER KING RECAP (weren’t they the first company to bow to pressure from the PTC and stop advertising here all those years ago?): Angle puts Benoit in the ankle-lock and makes him tap. Chris returns the favor with the crossface. Well, whaddaya know… Albert. Thank God, I needed to make up some time with all that extra Messiah stuff. HOWEVER, before fast-forwarding I will make an appeasement to all (both) of you Albert fans who hate the no recapping rule. Here’s the recap of LAST WEEK’S Albert/Funaki match that first appeared on our forum (and he’s taking on the nip again, so pretend it’s the same match): We're back from commercial, and YES... ALBERT IS ON!! Let me just grab my remote and hit some fast fo... oh yeah, right. Sorry, force of habit. Cole tells us "you're looking at not a happy man". You're reading one, too. Lloyd says he should be unhappy since he lost to Kidman last week. Really? Sweet. If I hadn't recorded over it with this week's I... probably would've wondered why I hadn't recorded over it yet and found something to get it off the tape. Post-match hijinx had Billy being crushed as we all know cruisers aren't to be taken seriously. PS: I also recorded over the Cena segment. Sorry, Jimbo. :( (Your new banner rocks the house too.) Cole says it's put up or shut up time for Albert now. Yeah, shut up Albert you fucking blabbermouth. All you ever do is yap, yap, yap. Christ, do you even stop talking to eat? Funaki's out. The recap of his pre-match mic work can be found in the COMPLETE RECAP so no reason to beat a dead horse, unless it's the mystery ingredient on IRONAKI CHEF (hot damn, I may have FINALLY figured out how to parody that show on here). The announcers mourn that while Funaki is having fun, very few others are after the horrible swerve Eric and co. played on them all Thursday. Oh, THAT'S why Albert is so PO'ed... he's been with the company for years and GLAAD never put HIM over as a positive role model. Albert tosses Funaki across the ring, but then the wiley Oriental then gets in a few escape moves and soft shots before the big man steamrolls him. The announcers don’t even notice Albert clubbing the snot out of Funaki’s head while they continue to register their disgust that Bischoff had his biggest moment as the GM of RAW on the SmackDown season premiere… “a show that people actually watch”. Oh sure, take cheap shots NOW… since Monday Night Football is in full swing and no one gives two peas in a buck plate about Survivor anymore. Blah, blah blah about the wedding. The funny part thing is they’re now calling Rico the mastermind of it. HAHAHAHA!! PUT THE HEAT ON THE FAG! Bet GLAAD is thanking whatever fruity being they pray to they didn’t send a whole silverware set. The crowd chants “shave your back” at Albert. This is the first time I’ve ever heard that, which for all I know means this is the first time it’s ever happened or that’s been the standard Albert chant for the last year. Funaki then PULLS ALBERT’S TITS TO DEFEND HIMSELF!! … … To all you virgins out there, before you let WWE 2K2 lead you to the Hershey Highway have sex with at least one girl. It really is the only way to go. Funaki then pulls Albert’s back hair and gets a little offense in, but the moment is fleeting to say the least. Fuzzy Wuzzy eventually gives him a couple of backbreakers and Funaki is out like he was watching a tape full of his opponent’s matches. Albert goes to leave but Funaki grabs the mic. He sounds like he’s saying “fuck” but I guess it’s “but”. “I lose… but… but… but…I stiwr having fun”. To Albert, “fun” is having his hands on sweaty men so he goes down and has some, springboarding Sonyboy throat-first into the ropes. Cole muses that Albert may have just saved Lloyd’s job taking out the #1 announcer on SD. DAMN YOU, ALBERT! YOU’VE GONE TOO FAR THIS TIME!! That’s it, I’m boycotting your matc… oh, never mind. Funaki wins this time if you’re keeping score… and if you are, then killing yourself should never be ruled out as an option. Commercials LUGZ BOOT OF THE WEEK: Taker gets waylaid and Ms. Taker no-sells Brock’s intimidation. Jesus, with those two as his parents that kid is going to make Abdullah the Butcher look like a bump machine. Hey, have we mentioned that there’s a PPV tonight? That is to say, have we mentioned ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES there being a PPV tonight? Lloyd asks if Brock is going to destroy another legend, Cole says UT is an emotional wreck and distracted but there will be no forgiveness for Lesnar at Unforgiven, which happens to work out well considering the name. Thursday Paul tells Sara that because he’s loyal to SmackDown and doesn’t want the main event Sunday ruined he’s hired security to protect them from Taker. Stephanie then asks Paul if he’s aware that Taker’s baby no-sold inducing labor and his wife had been rushed to the hospital earlier in the day. Paul then asks Sara if she ever listens to THE LAW and says anything Zenk may have said about his sexuality was a “dirty, filthy lie”. He then asks if she thinks she can get Steve Lombardi to jump from RAW. Steph tells Paul that Taker’s on his way to the building and he’s pretty peeved. UT then makes his way in from the back and is suddenly in the ring. He says it’s nothing to do with business but only personal (insert “bad for business” Taker with the belt joke here). He says Brock told his wife that “life is a bitch… Well, I’m here to tell you that payback is a bitch”. And I’m here to tell you that being on page six of this mofo and still having a show and a half to go is a bitch. I need a beer. He calls out Brock, who comes down despite Paul begging him not to the whole way. Finally Lesnar shoves his manager out of the way and dives in. Taker sends him flying when Heyman signals Matt Hardy to give Taker some Mattitude. Undertaker decides that he doesn’t want to be ass fucked so he beats Hardy to within an inch of his life instead. Paul and his charge head to the back at this point. Taker follows suit after leaving Matt’s corpse and goes after them, only to find out that Brock is in protective custody until Sunday. What… EVER! Don’t forget, Unforgiven’s theme song is by Darin McfagguyfromBush. If that doesn’t scream “hardcore”… well, it screams something. Commercials. Confidential is the standard catch-all. OH GOD PLEASE SAY IT’S A REPEAT!! Numbah Wun Annownsa Funaki intahvew… er… interviewed Crash earlier today. Crash says he’s unstoppable since coming to Smackdown. Funaki reminds him he’s fighting Hurricane tonight. Meanwhile, Rico’s happier than a pig in shit to be on the Monday show. Hurricane is out. Cole talks about Funaki’s professionalism in taking the time to get the story even though he knew he’d be in a match I wouldn’t be recapping tonight. He’s followed by Crash Backlund. They call Crash a “strange dude”. Yo, glass houses people. ‘Cane quickly sends Crash out of the ring, then helps him back in via his neck. He gets slingshotted when he gets too clever however. Crash takes over while the boys talk about Mattitude, and how Matt’s gotten too much of it. Why? Is he walking funny? Don’t forget tomorrow’s PPV is in LA. Somehow I don’t see XPW buying up all the front row seating. Crash uses the ropes to help out with an abdominal stretch, then hammers Hurricane’s back. Cane uses some high-flying to even the score. The announcers talk about the horrific cut Eddy gave to Edge this week. I concur… that shit was DEEP, yo! He was laying still while it gurgled out so it was hard to tell, but the second he rolled over it was the crimson mask. Nice to see that’s not a lost art. Hurricane delivers a flying burrito that Cole calls a clothesline, and follows it up with a nice neckbreaker variation. Crash tries for a cheap pin with the ropes but can’t hold him down for a three. Cross body by Helms for a near-fall. He goes for his choke-slam but almost gets it reversed for a pin. His Wizard kick is far more effective however and a three count later Crash’s win streak on Smackdown is as history as his push. UP NEXT: Stephanie tricks Bischoff and no one else. Commercials Last Monday women protested outside the RAW arena. Even though none were horribly ugly and overtly bull-dyke we were supposed to believe they were there to protest the exploitation of women through HLA. Bischoff figures they’re here to perform some HLA, but as he tries to tell them they have three minutes Stephanie takes off her disguise and kicks him in the groin (aah, reminds me of one Bret Hart’s greatest moments ever. “You people boo me, even though I have a painful groin injury. Of course, none of you have groins.”) Chuck and Billy then come out and give him a beating and school the Samoans when the try to make the save. Eric clutches his sac and makes the HLA vs. Ass-kissing speculation for Sunday. In a wise broadcasting move, they decide against showing clips from Chuck, Billy, and Steph’s acceptance. Commercials… oh wait, it’s a Brock/UT montage. Same outcome. *fast forward* Shannon Moore in the main event? I can work with that. He’s taking on Randy Orton. MAN those trunks are gay, dude. You want to show off your member do it in clubs or something. Shannon’s hair bounds around as he circles the ring. Tell me him and Kid Kash aren’t a marketable tag team. Too bad he could give Sabu lessons in ways to burn bridges. HAHAHAHA!! I swear this is a quote. Cole: “Moore was trained by Matt and Jeff Hardy, and has some Hardy TENCENDIES in the ring.” Great, now I’m going to spend the rest of match trying to catch Shannon copping a feel. Shannon flies and flips and Randy responds with power. Big cross body but Shannon rolls it over. He pays for this with a savage clothesline. Orton has him grounded now and goes to work destroying him. Cole says no one has gotten under the skin of UT like Lesnar has in 12 years, because Kane killing his parents and DDP stalking Sara were just laughed off by the Dead Man, I guess. Heyman takes the blame for everything. At least it’s less annoying than Ross and Lawler doing it. Moore continues to do the high spots that don’t really do any damage. He seems surprisingly off tonight, with now drop kicks and ungraceful flips. Even his halo seems sloppy. Randy kicks out and gives an O-Zone which ends it. This show is over. We’re all kinds of ahead of schedule today. Football break. WWE CONFIDENTIAL 9/21/02 Nope, we’re new tonight. Really am doing three shows. Damnit. Tonight, Kurt Angle takes us inside an Olympic training facility and we look back on some of the WWE’s more unusual stipulations. The Jurassic Slap-ass welcomes us and hammers home the point there’s a PPV tonight again. He says sometimes things can get a little too personal in wrestling, and that’s the case with Eric and Stephanie. Thank Jesus, for a second I thought this was going to be Undertaker showing us the nursery he’s building. He’s just talking about the stipulations things later. But first, Kurt Angle. Gene says there’s no greater amateur accomplishment than to win gold in the Olympics. He then mentions that Kurt is still considering a run at the 2004 Olympics. Really? I thought he’d had to stop doing WWE months ago to start preparing for that. Oh well. He’s there with Rulon Gardner, who almost lost a leg in a snowmobiling accident but still continues despite having his toe amputated. Geez, him and Messiah need to start a support group or something. Rulon says the only thing that will possibly keep Kurt from coming back is “time, ability, and one or two injuries.” Add “hundred” to that last part and you have my list of reasons Undertaker shouldn’t be champion again. Kurt says that wrestling was his life, and when he won gold he started crying because he thought it was over. He walks around the training facility and points out how much of it was built after he retired. Someone’s got an ankle-lock coming for being so niggardly in ’96. He mentions seeing Mark Henry there in the good old days. What ever became of that guy? He runs into some guy he trained with back in the day. Wow, it’s just hitting me how unbelievably boring this is. I think I’d been hypnotized by Kurt’s pate up until now. Kurt can’t believe his palm doesn’t work on the security scan. “I won a gold medal, I should have a lifetime pass”. This amuses Mae Young’s mother sitting behind the counter. He meets a few young trainers and laments they have bathrooms in the rooms now. He says his WWE career has definitely helped the amateur business. We see him training with some young guys. He finds that it’s not as easy to put the ankle lock on when someone is trying to defend against it. “My last workout was 6 years ago” he says. Pffft, you’re YEARS away from breaking Nash’s record, so quit bragging. He says the workout made him wonder if he’s still got it, and we’ll have his decision by the end of the year. He promises he’ll be around the WWE for a long time either way. Can’t argue against the worldwide publicity the company gets if he does make the team. UP NEXT: A young WWE prospect in training. Is it sweeps week already? Commercials Okerlund says not everyone can be lucky enough to win an MTV contest so some have to work their way into the company. The guy we’re about to see has been training to be a wrestler since he was 14, now at 18 he’s had 400 matches. That takes stamina. What else takes stamina is actually recapping this segment since I know at least one of the last two always gets blown off already. This guy is named René. OK, strike one. He wakes up, drinks protein shakes, works out, eats beef and chicken and fish. If anyone involved in the production team sold this as “riveting television”, please fire and beat them. His dad was a wrestler I never heard of, and he always wanted to be in the business. He says he used to have to wrestle during exams and would study in the locker room. He missed his senior prom to wrestle. I’d feel sorry for him but you KNOW the rats ate that story up sympathy-wise. Cornette describes where he is as being in his freshman year of college. Man, Corny’s lost some weight. Way to go, Jim. Oh man, he says he talked to his mom in English and his dad in French. Goddamnit, he’s not another Cannuck is he? Tom Prichard says the first time he saw this kid he was pretty impressed considering his age. Frenchy says that means a lot to him since Prichard is the man. Well, he’s learning the political game certainly. Shots of him training. Same shit you saw on Tough Enough except Tazz and Bob Holly aren’t cussing anyone out. He says he’s thrilled to be in OVW because it’s one step from being at the show. Cornette says he’s got the athleticism down and he’s definitely someone to watch. Yay, weightlifting. Snore. Tom says he really expects to see René on one of the big shows one day. It ends with him going to bed, saying tomorrow it starts all over. MAN that was boring. COMING UP NEXT: Hogan. I’m telling you, they actually book this show around how much pain it causes me. Commercials SNICKERS REWIND: Hogan wins the belt. I’d bitch about it but I just did that FRIDAY. Man, I hate SBA Effecting myself. Okerlund argues the suggestion that Brock Lesnar killed Hulkamania. I’d say he has a case, since at that age “natural causes” is the usual culprit. This is basically to shill the Hulk STILL Rules DVD. I think it’s been a few weeks at least, so it’s worth pointing out again that the reason I became a wrestling fan in the first place was to boo him before some of you were even born. Hulk has hair. Vince has real hair. Let’s set the record straight, those clips were from before I was watching. Hulk says the way it worked was Vince threw him the football and he ran with it. Nice analogy except that most defensive linemen don’t lie down and wait for you to you drop your leg on them while you’re scoring your touchdown. Then they talk to the corpse of Freddie Blassie who says some words before tumbling over. That reminds me, have I returned my “Weekend at Bernie’s” DVD to Blockbuster yet? Wooohooo… 4:20. That’ll save the segment. OMG Patterson’s new haircut looks so… well, you figure it out. He says the fact Vince and Hogan were such good friends helped everything else fall into place. Damn, too bad Eric and DDP couldn’t re-create that magi… BWAHAHAHA!!! Hogan mentions the challenges he faced in his career, like having a gun stuffed in his mouth in Puerto Rico by gangsters and having to wrestle Harley Race in Kansas City where he was king. Man, it sure would help the purity of the business if he’d embellish the gun story to make it explain why he had to lay down for Jay Leno. COMING UP NEXT: “Charity puts the ‘class’ in ‘Classy Freddie Blassie’”. Well, that and a few good shots with the defibulator. Commercials Blah blah blah, charity stuff. They talk about the many hours of time that WWE athletes have given to charity, but none are more precious than the ones Blassie gives… since he’s got so few of them left. Clips of Freddie being brutal. Needless to say it’s in black and white. He says he loves helping out the Salvation Army because all his friends are bums or something. Seriously, this is sort of creeping me out. Give to the Salvation Army because I used to write commercials for them so they’re cooler than those bitches at the Red Cross. We’ve gotta move on. NEXT: Booker shoots a commercial in a grocery store, and reminisces on Steve pouring flour on him. Can you dig THAT, SUUUUUUUUUCKKAAAAAAAAA!!!! (Ironically, I really can’t.) Commercials. Yeah, I know I just smoked a few minutes ago, but seeing that commercial about a dime bag getting someone’s mommy slaughtered made me want to blaze up again. SORRY, ORPHAN-TO-BE!! What the fuck is this? We’re getting clips of Bradshaw’s favorite match? Isn’t there supposed to be a discussion of gimmick matches somewhere on this Godforsaken show? Bradshaw starts by saying all the best wrestling matches in the WWE have involved him. Too bad for the Texan there’s no “shower-cam” to prove it. The crew proves his range by having every clip being of him entering the ring or giving a clothesline. So anyway, they’re taking a match with Chuck and Doggy and what makes it “special” is that the top rope broke. So? Jesus, if we’re going to see bloopers I’d much rather scope the one where Triple H’s bartender accidentally slips a laxative into Stephanie’s drink. Billy remembers them breaking, saying Farrooq threw him into the ropes and when he went down he looked hurt, but that Simmons didn’t give a fuck and kept stomping. Sweet. Ron then gets thrown into the ropes and the come off in his hands. He immediately hits Billy with this. Road Dogg has spent about a third of a second onscreen. They end by saying Vince gave them the thumbs up for the improv. Wish the segment’s rating was the same. Back with Gene, who intros the next segment with clips of Stone Cold and Booker duking it out in the produce isle from earlier in the year. Then he’s hawking Hungry Man again. This time for Big Ass Ribs. I’m just going to leave that one alone. He pushes people out of the way to get to them, rips doors off hinges, and eventually shatters one after the first special effects trick doesn’t work. Then we get some shots of Austin turning him white and dragging him around. He’s quick to point out this is not the same store. A contest winner’s big moment in the commercial is playing a stock boy who brings out a stack of dinners. Bet he’s wondering what second prize was. UP NEXT: Hair matches, ladies dresses matches, Stacy Keibler in typing one-handed matches, and more more more. Commercials Gene says the match he’s looking most forward to tonight is the match where Stephanie and Eric’s stipulations are on the line. If that’s the case, I sure hope there are orders to shoot on sight if he comes within a hundred yards of the book. But before we go to the gimmick matches, Eric gets asked what he has in mind for Stephanie tomorrow. He says only that it will fulfill some fantasies. How about a bit less cryptic there, Bisch… Rey Mysterio giving a poodle a rim job would fulfill the fantasies of some of the sickies watching these days. He does promise it will go farther than what we saw on Raw. Montage of stipulation matches. Adonis vs. Piper, X-Pac vs. Jarrett, Edge vs. Angle do hair vs. hair. Shamrock and Hart are featured in “Kiss My Butt” matches, Ken eats Dog foot, Lawler kisses Bret’s feet. Then lots of stripping, which has way too many horrible horrible moments like Patterson being called an old drag queen and Fink in a thong to get happy about. They do get a surprising amount of mileage out of Debra footage(?) X-Pac then wears a diaper and Pillman wears a dress. Ross asks mournfully “what has our business come to?” There’s a question I’d rather not spend a lot of time reflecting on. NEXT WEEK: ENCORE!! ENCORE!! I sure hope I have it on file somewhere. Get the FUCK out of my face. Barbwire Mike Somebody carry me out of here |