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 Dear Christ what a long week. If there's no recap Sunday it's because I haven't woken up from Friday night yet. Talk about a “banner day"... Monday I had not one, not two, but THREE banners from you wonderful people. Here is the first, from our good friend (and forum moderator) Dead Hebner. Ones from my semi-life partners Yeahgr and Jim are soon to follow. Thanks many bunches, dudes. That's the sort of thing that makes it pretty much impossible to slack off around here. Got some e-mail from a US Marine Corps Sergeant this week, thereby completing my check list of contacts by branches of the Armed Forces (Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard and National Guardsmen had all checked in before). At this time I’d like to sincerely thank from the bottom of my heart every one of the men and women out there putting their lives on the line during this difficult time so guys like me can be free to make gay jokes on the Internet. God bless each and every one of you and if this in any brightened your day during such a stressful period then it is an honor and a privilege. And SEMPER FI to you too, sir. THE RING POST is growing by leaps and bounds thanks to the new look. New writers will be coming in, there's a nifty scrolling news bar thingy now, and it's still loaded down with the same great people you have to be sick of me putting over on here by now. Don't forget, the weekend means fresh Ginger and Zenk. To put it in wigger terms, we're the bomb-diggity fo shizzle my nizzle. Word. Got a BRAND NEW SHILL, but this one you have to work for. My homeboy Peter Porkr invited me to be the special guest on the world-famous “Animal Talk" recap he does with fellow WWE haters Stardogg and Tiger. The kicker is that (even though Pete's had a TRP URL for like 14 years now) you can only see this by subscribing to the PLANET WCW Yahoo group (I’m just the latest in a string of important guests… or a break from them… or whatever. Fuck off!). Watch us trade insults and bong hits as they pick apart the wedding and Vince and I respond with much Undertaker bashing. Thanks for the invite, guys. Hope to do it again soon. TGIMFF... let's talk wrestling. Recently, there's been a lot of discussion about the devaluation of the world title. Traditionally the one thing in the company that Vince cared too much about to waste on short-term angles or gimmick champions (*coughDavidArquettecough*), the last few years have seen the prestige that went with carrying on the tradition of Sammartino, Hogan, Bret and Shawn Michaels wither away right in front of our eyes. Don't believe me? Why the fuck not? Have I not convinced you by now that in terms of wrestling prognostication I'm the equivilent of Jimmy the Fucking Greek (don't you remember the time I was fired for CBS for suggesting that Ahmed Johnson was “bred" for wrestling? Of course, they didn't let me go for being racist... they canned me because Ahmed was obviously bred for working the window at a drive-through restaurant or playing the role of Charlie Brown's parents in cartoons)? Since this is the weekend and you actually have time to read this rather than skim it for jokes in between co-workers walking by your office door I guess I better prove my point. Here's a list of the most recent title-holders. You tell me if they if they still have the mystique that Flair and Hogan had back in the day when wearing the strap really did mean something. Triple H - Granted, he's also had “legitimate" title reigns, but let's focus for a minute on his new one. You know... that prestigious belt that can be traced back to 1905 when Abraham Lincoln was awarded it for freeing the slaves that he won after a grueling walk to the ring to accept it. Sure, it's not the first time that the WWE just invented a title out of the air (the Hardcore belt comes to mind, as does the IC Belt... unless you prefer to think that Pat Patterson could spend a week in Brazil and use his time wrestling in tournaments rather than staying at the all-you-can-eat young boy buffet), but this is a WORLD TITLE! Christ, they couldn't get Jericho to lay down for it like he's been doing for Hunter since the day he arrived? Hunter's transgressions against the business are far too numerous for him to have any kind of standing as a model champion. Sleeping his way to the top, alienating the rest of the locker room, continuing on the “kliq" tradition of making sure no one gets over at their expense, 20 minute promos that make us wish Vince was still doing them instead. And now he's wearing a belt that in my own humble opinion is as much a World Title as the one 2 Cold Scorpio bought off the net and wore to the “Legends" PPV. Say what you want about Hogan's last reign (and believe me, I will shortly)... but Trips didn't have the shortest post-Mania title run ever simply because time was running out on Hulkster. He will NEVER be held in the same regard as luminaries of the past, regardless of how well he spits water (hehehe, RVD's best moment on the microphone since Bill Alphonso was next to him). Brock Lesnar - Solid worker, seems to have a great attitude about the business (which is the only reason Bob Holly is still alive today)... but he's a LONG way from even being the manufactured champ that Goldberg was, much less the feared and unbeatable monster a massive, mobile big man should be portrayed as when he's wearing the “real" WWE belt. So far his reign has accomplished two things; making Undertaker and Triple H look good by dogging him out. And we all know that's the #1 rule of being champion: “Use your title to make sure the guys that don't need it stay over". One day he may be the perennial champ that you can build a legacy around, but so far they haven't even let him do his most impressive move (the Shooting Star Press) on TV yet. And if he loses his title to the next person on our list I have already picked out which items in the room to break in the expected fit of rage. Undertaker - Once everything a reputable world champ should be; years of injuries, gimmick changes, angles with wives, the absolute inability to sell and loss of his mouthpiece in favor of cutting his own promos have whittled his value down to Hogan's, Flair's, and the rest of the middle-age and up guys that haven't had any business being the top man since 1995. The glaring proof that UT fits in with those guys is the latest angle, where Heyman is having to use his wife and child in order to really make it look like he's got something to fight for (and hopefully... a reason to be distracted and not win the belt). Can you say “Sandman"? The Rock - Yeah, REAL credible champ... at least he is for the two months a year he's not off making movies. Cameo appearances do not a franchise champion make. Steve Austin - Now THERE'S a man you can build the company around. Even in his less-mobile current state, there's no one in wrestling that fits the complete bill like he does. He controls a crowd like very few have ever been able to do (Hogan, Warrior, and Dusty Rhodes all come to mind), he can work any style, he's capable of being strong as a heel or a face, and is the master of the catchphrase. In fact, he's got it all. Why the hell isn't he world champ right now? Oh yeah... that's right. Hulk Hogan - How ironic that the man who brought the WWF World Title to the height of mainstream popularity would be the same man who forever devalued it with a run seen by everyone as nothing more than a way to milk a few last dollars out a dead gimmick. Sure, he did get the belt off Hunter which is nothing but a positive, but then fell victim to reality as he became the cornerstone of a company who rose to their greatest success by among other things bashing him for being over the hill four years ago. Kurt Angle - The total package. The man they should be doing everything possible to put in the position of being the future of the company. Instead they've given him one title reign which seemed more along the lines of HTM's “somehow escape every match with the belt" booking model than a man who's technical skills are evidenced by his Olympic history, yet can still do back-flips off the top of a cage and be as entertaining a character as anyone on the roster. Of everyone on this list, he's the one most likely to be able to bring prestige back to the world championship. The problem is that such an undertaking no longer seems to be on the company's agenda and they prefer to keep him in a mid-card comedy role. Mick Foley - Along with Austin, the last “legitimate/respected" champion they had. And along with Austin, he's sitting at home while ratings sink like they've fallen into a tar pit. Of course, he wasn't balling Stephanie so the history books will basically show him being buried by the “far superior" Triple H, but profits then and now pretty plainly point out who puts butts in the seats, and who puts the remote clicker into overdrive. Chris Jericho - Not the complete package Kurt is but in the same boat. A proven credible champion who makes his opponents look good, has strong mic skills, and can conform to work any style of match. However, since he calls Stephanie McMahon a bottom-feeding ho rather than getting her to attach the strap-on and do her “Chyna style" he wallows on the other side of the glass ceiling thanking Jesus that Flair is the one doing the high-profile job to a nobody like Rico for once. The Big Show - OK, at least they're bright enough to keep him far away from the belt these days, but we can't forget he was indeed WWF champ for awhile. To make things worse, he wasn't put there because of his proven ability to sell a PPV or house show seats but because he was funny on an episode of Saturday Night Live. His run was such a dismal failure he was actually lamenting having it, saying that “everything is your fault" when the ratings or backstage morale drops. Big Show winning the belt (and if you remember, it was a total swerve to begin with) = Mabel winning KOTR, except the fall-out from that could be erased by the next PPV. So there you have it, your “roll call" of champions dating back to the day that Vince REALLY forever shat on its legacy by putting the title on himself. In a perfect world, this would require an update on Monday to include our newest member of the club ROB VAN DAM!! Before leaving, take one more cursory look through the names above and look at where they are on the card... and see if you need any further explanation of why the business isn't “hot" right now. Or go fuck yourself instead. Whatever works. Could be worse, don't forget Stephanie once competed for the gold. Barbwire Mike JAGER TIME IM me and tell me how much I suck: Barbwrmike |