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 Told you I'd be back today. What? Did you think I was lying? Glad to see you have such faith in me... dickhead. Today’s banner comes to us from my boy Evil Bob. Man I’m going to miss you when we turn our nukes north because of your pussy Prime Minister who’s all pissed off because none of us ever bother to learn his name. In the meantime, many thanks bro. Check out all the latest happenings at THE RING POST , with a new Jonny X recap to go along with the rest of the goodness I just shilled a couple of posts down (including Zenk putting us over and my new LOW BLOW on the originators of the barbed wire exploding death match who my new kittens happen to be named after). You already know why I love the place so much, but go back and take a refresher course. And before the end of the weekend we’ll have more HONKY TONK MAN on the board, so keep checking back. If you can’t wait, there’s brand a brand new commentary only a few credit card numbers away. Pure greatness, pure Honky. And FINALLY, a special thanks to my dear friend ADAM for hooking me up with a player that’ll play the full-length movies I CAN NOW DOWNLOAD IN AS LITTLE AS AN HOUR. Fucking CHRIST I love high speed. Whether you’re a redneck yourself or have known any personally you MUST see “Run Ronnie Run” from the “Mr. Show” guys. That’s the sort of movie you need to redefine the term “masterpiece” for. Let’s talk a little more about this pantywaist shit masquerading as wrestling. Hahahahaha! The big “enlightened" ceremony ends with Chuck and Billy declaring they don't eat the cock and Samoans killing them. Wonder if GLAAD wants their gravy boat back. In case you missed them making the rounds yesterday because you were trying to repress this entire angle, or stayed away from news because it was still September 11 in some time zones, or it just wasn't gay enough for you so you watched your bootleg tape of the George Michaels bathroom security cam footage instead... Billy Gunn and Chuck Palumbo hit the interview circuit yesterday to promote the wedding/lifetime commitment/publicity stunt. As I documented THIS TIME LAST WEEK, the wrestling and gay communities have had a “grope/hate" relationship for years, but neither have ever really acknowledged it publicly before. For whatever reason, optimistic gay groups seemed to think this gimmick was to be the thing that would wash away the lines and bring us all kicking and screaming into the era of “enlightenment" where such behavior is accepted and embraced. Give them credit for looking at the glass of sperm as half-full... but really, what the hell were they thinking? I tried to find the actual release that GLAAD sent to the Today but NO ONE has it, so unless you saw it you’re missing a good part of the unwitting irony. In a nutshell, it said that this is some kind of refreshing departure from the anti-gay stereotypes that wrestling is known for, they salute the WWE for finally having gay characters that are meant to be embraced by the fans rather than despised (really? When did that happen?), and that it’s important to have characters like this so “confused gay teenagers” have someone to rally behind. I fucking crack up every time I hear the last part. That's right, Mr. Confused Gay Teen... embrace your love of puffing peter. Of course you'll probably wind up being beaten half to death by fat bodyguards from the Pacific Islands before a crowd that’s loving every minute of it, but that's a negligible price to pay, wouldn't you say? Did they think that somehow the entire mindset of wrestling fans was going to be... um... turned on its ass (sorry, I'm SO sorry) by one angle (involving BILLY GUNN of all people) and suddenly say “hey, these guys are all right. So what if they carry deadly diseases and are an affront to God. GAY POWER 2K2!!”? Were they able to delude themselves into thinking that because the crowd reacted so positively to two girls slipping each other tongue on Monday that we were accepting same sex lifestyles, rather than marking out in a prurient instincts sort of way at the porno-esque sleaze factor? Do they even WATCH what they're praising? Or do they even care, as long as there's some kind of gay representation? The reason I ask the last two questions should be obvious if you've seen the last two prime-time shows. The press release praises C & B as if they were the top babyfaces in the business. Maybe to GLAAD they are, but they certainly haven't been positioned as the face team in a single match they've had as a duo. Despite what they tried to pass off on the talk shows, Chuck and Billy were going for the same kind of heel heat that I've already discussed to death. The only thing I can see here that separates them from Lenny and Lodi, who the same advocacy group had a shit (packing) fit over, is that unlike fruit characters of the past they don't LOOK overtly gay. Neither of them talk with a lisp, they don't cover their bodies with sequins or wear pastel scarves, their hair isn't in pig-tails or some other womanly style. I guess in that way I can see why they'd be happy about it, since despite most gay rights marches looking like a mass looting of a bondage gear store they want to be thought of as “just like everyone else". But STILL... how does that wind up being a beneficial thing considering how it all played out? If Smackdown were a live show it would be one thing, and the gay groups could all bitch about how they were swerved into supporting something like this only to have it turned around on them. But SmackDown is TAPED! Not only is it taped, but segments of it were shown on the very program that the wrestlers were being presented their “wedding present" on. If GLAAD didn't know they were supporting a show where “It's Raining Men" got booed, where the “good guys" in the piece were a pimp that was trying to turn them back straight and thugs who outright massacred them, and where the participants themselves vehemently asserted their heterosexuality (going so far as to say “Wait a second, I thought this was only a publicity stunt!" when their gay manager... the only true heel by the end of the segment... tried to make it official), they have no one to blame for having egg on their face today but themselves (which is still less disgusting than what's usually on there). Meltzer touched on it yesterday, saying that really the only difference between these characters and the Gorgeous's and Adonis's is that the portrayal wasn't as overt, and that unlike other gay characters these guys were so irrelevant they'd been reduced to opening matches and the weekend shows prior to this latest stunt. He also quotes a spokesman for GLAAD who remarks, “The audience, from what we see, appears to be cheering them on". Part of that is due to Vince, who was smart enough to put them on the show where the roaring “faggot" chants can be removed in post-production. But if ALL they see are them portrayed as “good guys", I'd have to think there's some caked-up cum gluing the eyelids shut. To sum up, either GLAAD just never watched a minute of wrestling programming this week and praised the company on press releases the WWE sent them (I can see Vince transcribing it to his secretary: “Should we say they're 'good guys' or would that give it away?"), or they feel that the only reason for their own existence is to be the butt of jokes or to turn straight guys on with lesbo porn. And if that's the case... hell, they should be praising Lethal. We love mocking homos and watching carpet munching. WHERE'S OUR FUCKING GRAVY BOAT, FUDGE PACKERS?? Last question: How the fuck did Patterson manage to completely distance himself from all this? And with that, other than the recap Sunday hopefully this is the last time I have to write about strudel swallowing. This keeps up much longer I might find myself turned on by Chyna. Suck my dick. Barbwire Mike It's raining men, hallelujah SUPPORT GAY RIGHTS!! BUY A "HLA-LICK BOX" SHIRT TODAY |