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 “If they looked below that belt there's no telling what they'd find." -Local newscaster, responding to the comment “WWE lawyers hit Nicole Bass below the belt yesterday by saying there's no one in the company who would risk their dream job to see her naked". (And might I add "BWAHAHAHAHA!!") Well, if you don’t read THE FORUM (and if you don’t, you’re only getting a percentage of what we’re about) you missed a real good time yesterday. Some mutton-eater on a Limey wrestling site put up a post about X-Pac on their forum that was funnier than hell… as well it should be, because it was the same one Norm posted here a month ago (it’s in the archives, but we haven’t fixed the pix yet). Not only was it posted pictures and all, but THE FUCKER CLAIMED IT AS HIS OWN. Well, we’re not ones to cry to webmasters or claim we’re going to sue. Nope, Norm simply re-routed the pictures so they were a bunch of guys giving each other blowjobs with the caption I STEAL BANDWIDTH AND FUNNY COMMENTARY FROM LETHALWRESTLING.COM! It’s gone now, but I saved the page so when time allows we’ll be creating a new section for things like that and the Nash’s Sacrifice video and the Kwee-Wee cyber as well as future rabble-rousing. In the meantime take these words to heart: LETHAL IS NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH!! I KNOW I have unused banners, but since I switched to high speed some of them got directed to folders I never use, so PLEASE RE-SEND. And my undying thanks to everyone that takes the time to make one (oh yeah, and getting feedback is nice too… hint, hint). Anything else? Oh RIGHT! Go to THE RING POST and read all the goodness you can handle. New Zenk is up, new Ginger is up, new Annie is up, and brand new JONES AND TOP FLIGHT RECAPPER JONNY X IS UP. Oops, Zenk’s not up yet. Guess I have some work to do after this. D’oh! Let’s talk the ruination of wrestling. Believe what I said about RAW yet? As mentioned both Friday and Sunday, there are mountains of evidence to suggest that the WWE course of action at present is to make SmackDown the stand-out show while turning RAW into the “competition" that makes them look good by comparison, much like the good old days when WCW seemed to be going out of their way to do so. Sure it's PARTIALLY in jest, but there are enough instances of good calls on one show and dramatically crappy ones on the other to keep the conspiracy fires burning... Or, in the case of last night, pouring gallons of gasoline on them and watching it become a conspiracy inferno. Oh MAN this is one for the ages. Hopefully TUS is going to give the full run-down, but before even getting to what I (and most of the rest of the world) have the REAL bitch about we were “treated" to a whole host of (cr)appetizers. Lawler in the ring, William Regal in drag, and Triple H competing in the type of match I will go to my grave believing resulted in the very worst match in the history of this sport (that being the blindfold match between Jimmy Garvin and Kevin Sullivan. I was ready to put on a blindfold myself to avoid seeing a repeat of that pain, as well as a last cigarette). Yeah, there were some bright spots, but once again the show had that eerie WCW "we're so good we can put on total shit and you'll like it" smarminess that resulted in the loss of my 8-9 wrestling hour on Monday nights. But what happened next is something I was absolutely sure we'd never see on a wrestling show not being broadcast on a Turner network. Something on par with the worst garbage that made me roll my eyes so many times I eventually stopped taping the second hour of Nitro and just started reading recaps. The inexplicable tendency that chased fans away in droves, confounded that it could happen once... much less become a pattern and seemingly done on purpose: RUINING A SHOW THEY HAD JUST SOMEHOW MANAGED TO SAVE!! For like an hour and forty minutes, they put out a product that makes even the most stringent fan wonder why the fuck he or she is watching this rot instead of Monday Night Football (or anything else on TV... or staring at the wall… or beating their genitals with a cinder block). Then they deliver the payoff, an inarguable match of the year contender 4-way TLC match that was totally OFF THE HOOK, YO! (Although they did attempt to gay it down first with that Bubba/Spike stuff.) In the 25 minutes that followed, we were treated to some of the most amazing high spots fans have ever borne witness to by names widely considered the best either at this specific match or at suicide spots in general (RVD, Christian, Bubba, Jericho, Jeff Hardy). Without any shadow of a doubt, they had managed to not only save the show, but make it one to remember... ...only to snatch it away again, leaving the show to be filed somewhere between “humorous for the wrong reasons" and “abysmal". Never mind the more trivial complaint, that the match was won by the only person who really had nothing to contribute to this style (he had two big spots... laying there for Jeff to jump off the Empire State Ladder onto him, and climbing the ladder for the win (YOU GO, RED MACHINE). No, this is a bitch on the post-match crap that spring boarded it right into the "all time" file, along with Robocop, Chucky, Cactus Jack's amnesia, and the first time we went through this. Yes, people... Kane is a MURDERER!! Um… again. Spell it out for those who may have missed it, JONNY: Post-match: Here’s Triple H and Flair and they have news for Kane. This is the happiest Kane’s ever been? But how happy is Katie Vick? That’s right, Kane killed her. He’s a murderer. Well, that’s certainly a retarded way to end the show. *sobs* First off, who is “Katie Vick"? Did he mean Katie Holmes? Is this a cross promotional thing with that “Swim Fan without the pool" flick she's in? Snuka's fiancé? Is she going to be haunting Kane in mirrors while Bischoff stands next to him as the only person on the planet who can't see it? Did she die in the fire with his parents, or is this a wholly separate crime? Is she in the same shallow grave as Tory? Doesn't matter anyway. Who she is and where they go with this is basically irrelevant. The gripe is that they're doing it at all. “But Barbed One", you ask while I'm trying to write and interrupt my flow (you fucking cunt), “weren't you just as disgusted at the notion of bringing Bischoff in... and now you've warmed to that?" True, but... well... OK, you got me that time. BUT THIS IS WORSE!! Now don't interrupt again or I'll be forced to beat you with sharp, metal things. And OF COURSE the kicker is that Triple H is the culprit. This idea is so fucking dumb that I’m half-convinced it wasn’t even in the script at the beginning of the show, but Helmsley didn’t want the best part of the show to happen without him sticking his Streisand-esque nose in things and came up with that on the fly. I haven’t felt this bad for Flair being part of an angle since Aysia was giving him his medicine at the loony bin. Really, I’m totally dumbfounded (accent NOT on “founded”) by the whole rigmarole. Again, without putting any thought into it the natural urge is to attack Bischoff for this. But I'm more and more convinced that if he is playing any role in this, it's the role of “patsy". Rumors have abounded from day one that this whole hiring was a front to humiliate him before throwing him out on his ass. If this all was a massive ruse just to make him look like the world's biggest dipshit for the second time... well, they're on the right path so far. Sure, it's far-fetched... but then so is a stupid “murder" angle. Maybe if Kane gets convicted he can share a cell with Hunter, since it would be hard for even Johnnie Cochran to beat the “murder of the ratings" charge at this point. May as well make it official. If you're an established writer and would like to have the coveted cameo spot in the GRAND RE-LAUNCH of the infamous MONDAY NIGHT SUCKS wrap-up... the e-mail addy is right at the top of this post. Oh well, two days til Smackdown. Barbwire Mike "So nigga please, check nuts before you step to these... motherfuckin REAL G's" |