|
|
 "I want to get hiiiiiiiiigh... so hiiiiiiiiiigh. I want to... get...” *sniff* How great is that freaking banner? If you looked at it and went "huh?", then you are woefully unfamiliar with STRONG BAD, who is as much a true Internet icon as yours truly. It comes to us from the fearless leader of THE RING POST, my brother YEAHGR! To see what else he's capable of, along with the best darn wrestling columnists and recappers this side of... um... here, go to and bookmark TRP and read it every hour. And to edgimicate yourself on the subject of the banner, check out absolutely the net's coolest site, HOMESTARRUNNER.COM! And to satisfy your sexual urges, go to GOATSE! TOTAL REQUEST LETHAL still lives, and is as much fun... if not moreso... than it's ever been before. Stop in and say hi to many of the names you've loved for years and haven't seen in the last few months, get your rocks off with Uncle Zeke's porno goodliness, and if you can afford it send a little scratch to the heads of it to ensure its continued existence for many years to come (I’ll contribute this coming Wednesday, since I have plenty of fucking cash I CAN’T SPEND ON GODDAMNED WEED). And SBA... I LOVE you. Where does it all start? Why, at LETHAL INJECTION of course... new home of long-time resident recipient of all our racial slurs D-ROCK! Man, even writing ads sucks without a buzz. Fuck this. Let's talk wrestling. Oh yeah... THAT'S why I could never stand Bischoff. You may have noticed that the WWE is undergoing yet another "evolution". Ever since the brand extension first took off, the company has been tinkering with the notion of making the Monday and Thursday shows separate entities. Theoretically, the idea is to once again create the buzz of the infamous "Monday Night Wars" that ushered in a wave of popularity the sport had never seen. The plan hasn't been a total bust, and has actually given us some pretty entertaining "cross-promotional" (or "cross-interpromotional" as the case may be) moments like the first HLA spot and a few of the more entertaining "jumps". Considering where they were headed before, it's pretty hard to argue that at least the concept of manufactured competition was better than where they were before. However, the reason no one is lining up to start handing out awards to the McMahons for resuscitating the seemingly dead business is because A) it's FAR from making anything resembling a full recovery (or even a recovery, or ratings-wise even an improvement*), and B) mixed in with the positives are some of the most dunderheaded calls this side of... well, Nitro. Let's take a look-see at some of them: -Creating a champion out of the air. -Making that champion the guy who's accused of acting like the old killers of WCW. -Bait and switch tactics (you know, like HLA at the PPV). -Wiping out a belt that has been around longer than every single one of us have been fans. *Not that ratings should really be a deciding factor right now. In the BEST of circumstances they are months from making a turnaround noticeable enough for advertisers to be happy again. And of course, there's a also a myriad of "tweener" ideas, those being ones that could go either way. At the top of that list is the idea to add another set of tag titles to the mix. I see two big upsides and one MASSIVE downside to this. On the good, we have the notion that if there's going to be two separate world champs and presentation of the shows as two different groups, you sort of have to do it (whether they ever should have had different world champs is another argument altogether). And at least this time (I would HAVE to think some fallout over the last 'new belt' nonsense plays into it) they're having a tournament to crown the new kings of the hill. The other positive is more of a nostalgic one, since I look back so fucking fondly on the matches that The Midnight Express and The Fantastics nearly killed each other over trying to capture the US Tag Titles. But then there's the down side, which Sherlock already covered beautifully and at length: THERE ARE NO GREAT FUCKING TAG TEAMS LEFT! Jesus, we're lucky to get a good feud out of one pair of belts, much less two. The fact the opening match of the tourney had Mark Henry and Rikishi in it should say it all there. Seriously... "ug". "Fucking Ug", even. So with the good, the bad and the indifferent as the back-drop, I think I'm FINALLY ready to get to the point of this thread (good Christ I need my writing tool back... this is the worst drought we've had in 12 years. Speaking of which, whether there's a recap or not on Sunday is totally dependant on how the weekend search goes. Goddamned pigs). And that point is: "While the attempt to capture the wars is admirable, is making the show that Eric is on REALLY FUCKING SUCK to make the competition look better taking things too far?" I kid you not. As each lackluster (on good weeks. "Downright shitty" on others) RAW comes and goes to lead up to a kick ass SmackDown, it begins to seem more and more like that's not simply an unfortunate happenstance of a loaded roster, but a designed plan (something that couldn't really be proven unless someone came out and admitted it... or they brought back Nash). SmackDown is giving awesome main event matches, dramatic feuds, and at least the last two weeks have given us a bout in the middle of the show that the net geeks can't stop masturbating to. Meanwhile, RAW continues to fall into the same trappings that were seemingly dooming them before Bischoff came back: The twenty-minute promos, the glass ceiling in plain site, over-reliance on being "cute" rather than on the matches, confounding outcomes that keep guys like Jericho (poor guy traded his spot near the top on the better show so he could come back and say "RAW IS JERICHO" one more time) and RVD miles further down the card than they should be. The easy thing to do is blame this on Eric. After all, he has a history of making the other side look like the best thing in the world by comparison. And there's no denying that his shtick that actually injected a little freshness into things has a shelf-life about as long as uncooked meat left out of a refrigerator (not to mention that even after a couple of years away bashing him seems as natural as breathing. At least he hasn't brought back the talk show). But unlike when he murdered WCW, the buck doesn't stop with Uncle E anymore. The failure to produce intriguing television is the fault of everyone involved, from the writers to the people who give final script approval to Triple H. Let's pretend for a minute that this IS being done on purpose. The mindset would be "what made RAW so hot was the fact that WCW blew cock like Michael Stipe at an all-u-can-suck penis buffet, so let's re-create that to make SmackDown look great." In theory, it almost makes sense... until you take a brief look at history. The WWF, through a long and sustained road of delivering a superior product, was eventually able to lure fans away from a product that was at one time so hot they beat Vince weekly for a year and a half. Conversely, the fans who they are trying to make loyal to the SD extension for the most part still consider this nothing more than a wrestling angle. Hell, I'd be willing to bet the majority of casual fans don't even realize the Monday and Thursday shows are supposed to be different now... and trying to make them loyal to one over the other by turning one to shit could very well just make them say "wow, wrestling totally sucks now" and go back to watching that geeky crime/science show that King Mob likes so much. Does that mean that there's no way this plan (if it is indeed a plan) can work? Not really. By making SD "hot" and RAW "Nitro" it could pay long-term dividends. How? Once the Thursday show is CEMENTED as the hot property you begin to have them miss the beats, and deliver a powerful Monday show week in and week out (which of course would require a MASSIVE talent-switch). It's a risky venture however, for the reasons listed above as well as others I'm sure I'd care to write about if I was stoned (oh, to be high. Just one hit of the sweet, sweet green. At least we've got a jay for "Red Dragon" tonight). The more obvious solution would be to simply make BOTH shows rock for awhile, give people reasons to become loyal to EITHER based on personal preferences, and then start pulling the gimmicks out to "lure fans to the other side". That way, interest remains high in seeing what the "competition" is doing so viewers want to follow both shows, if only to see what the "other guys" are coming up with to lure them back. It's a "win/win" situation... unfortunately it doesn't seem at the moment like there's enough good shit to spread around like that, so RAW goes down the crapper while daddy's little girl looks like she is single-handedly capable of figuring out what fans want (even though we all know if anyone deserves kudos for that it's Heyman anyway). Or they can continue to blow... I know a few TRP writers who wouldn't mind seeing our weekly discussion return. And there is certainly very little dissention right now in the belief that MONDAY NIGHT SUCKS!! With that, I leave you to ponder the future. (Hopefully) see you Sunday. And speaking of "daddy's little girl"... if Tommy Maddox has one he needs to let Vince fuck her. That guy is going to be the biggest star Vinny has created since Rock and Austin. Eat a bag of Hell. Barbwire Mike Weed gets you through the times with no money better than money gets you through the times with no weed |