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 I’ve mentioned many times that I write for therapy. That’s never been more true than today. Goodbye Sabu. Thank you for being everything I could ever ask for as a pet and as a friend. -There’s new Jonny X, Tom Zenk and Bryan Jones at THE RING POST! Look for a new Low Blow and the grand return of the very best lady writer in this whole genre; Ginger… in very short order. Also, contrary to some evil Internet rumors (heh, it’s a “theme” shill today) MONDAY NIGHT SUCKS is not dead. We’re waiting to see how some things play out, but it shall return. -Your signs are pointing to nowhere And that’s exactly where I won’t go… Your signs are pointing to nowhere, and no one that I know… and that’s all you care to show me -Nonpoint “Development”, the brand new one by one of earth’s greatest bands (long-time readers will remember them as having my Lethal PPV theme song), is out and waiting to make you a better person with a listen. Don’t know if it’s the case everywhere, but the CD was only $6.99 at the Best Buy here, so you can buy it and still have plenty of cash left over for your mom’s birthday bag of crystal meth. -One of my very favorites SILENT D IS BACK!! If he didn’t send that post directly to Jericho I sure as hell hope one of you guys did (even if this piece is sort of a “counterpoint”). -Looking to laugh a lot? Read this story on a lost tribe in Brazil from NATIONAL LAMPOON. Even today, it cracked me the fuck up. Here’s a taste to let you decide if it is something you want to pursue further: Oh Jesus, I think. They're going to kill me. I whisper a silent prayer that they at least leave my beautiful face intact - no matter what, I want to leave a good-looking corpse. I then think through the matter further, and whisper a follow-up prayer that they avoid killing me entirely. Contemplating everything a little more thoroughly, I then whisper a third and final prayer with instructions to reverse the order in which I'd whispered the first two prayers. -NOTE TO STAFF: I don’t feel like spamming your mailbox again today so if you haven’t yet, please go to the staff page and complete the questions for your profile, and then send them to MMN. Also, if you’re not on the staff page (there’s a few missing, so don’t panic) write either him or me and we’ll be sure you’re included. -NOTE TO ALL OF YOU: Eat a bag of Hell. Let’s talk wrestling. Vince won’t let the staff do interviews without his approval anymore. Jim Ross thinks we’re all crazier than pet junglebunnies (or however that crazy racist saying goes). Chris Jericho is treating us like we’re about to tell the crowd he just lost to Lenny Lane. And even WWE.com columnists are suggesting that they’d rather never have been paid to work there than have the net “inflicted” on wrestling… Was it something we said? Wait… let me try that again in “Fierrospeak”. ”Golly gosh willikers, was it something we said?” (what a turd burglar). Now, whether this is by design to get us all fired up about wrestling and save the company again like we did in the 90s or a bad time in the marriage the two entities have mutually enjoyed since is something we’ll just have to see as time goes by. If it is the former, it’s probably not a bad idea… since if there’s one thing that’s ever been proven to be a “given” in the world of Internet wrestling, it’s that we’re more loaded with thin-skinned babies than… well, than the wrestling business. Let’s take a look around “our world” to see the responses to that “hypocrite” Jericho: “And about Jericho and Van Dam "stealing the show" at King of the Ring? Petty theft, Chris. Petty theft.” -Pat McNeil, PWToch “I’ll tell you what I think when you pay for our premium service” -Dave Scherer, 1bigpieceofshit.com. (and may I add “I’d rather force the subscription rate through my piss hole one penny at a time”) “Jericho just crossed the line from petty selfish whining to full-blown mental midget status.” -WaterDrip, Random Wrestling Oh you get the point. Fuck, just trying to read a few websites to find a quote has me more on Jericho’s side than even thirty minutes ago. Why anyone goes anywhere besides here (and THE RING POST and WRESTLING OUTLAWS, of course) for wrestling comment is just beyond me. The point is that everyone is jumping down Lionheart’s throat for his attack on what has now blossomed to become an “anti-Internet” rant. So let’s run through this before going to the WWE as a whole vs. the ‘net thing. One thing that’s being overlooked in all this Jericho hoopla is that for the most part everyone is taking his comments personally, when they were mainly directed at the Torch and their readers. I don’t know about the rest of you, but the day I group myself or Lethal with those yutzes is the day I start taking dicks up my ass and doing “He said/She said” PPV previews with Bruce Mitchell (I included the McNeil line for irony purposes. If anyone on that staff knows about “theft”, it’s the guy who stole FsB’s “American Pie” tribute to ECW. For instance, he stole that line from Jim Cornette). Mixed in with all the “you made me cry” and “whiny Canadian” yells are a few voices of reason. People who can grasp the notion of an elite performer working his ass off in a match that both these guys have probably looked forward to for a long damn time coming home and seeing fat doofuses (some of which honestly do like to bitch just for the sake of having something to bitch about) who would make Hyabusa’s disaster look absolutely artistic if they ever tried a Lionsault say that his blew (I FINALLY actually got to see the match last night, and he’s right… you got a problem with that bout? FUCK YOU!!). Writer’s note: I challenge anyone to write a longer sentence than that last one and not get the squiggly green lines in Word. I KICK ASS!! BLAKE NORTON sums it up best. While he does use the word “hypocritical” (not nearly as much as the “die hard” fans who have suddenly turned on CJ over this and are acting exactly the same way they’re pissed at him for acting), he also gives an explanation of the motives behind why we call things as we see them rather than being a bunch of fags who “always try and look at the positive things in life” (someone cripple Fierro… please?): “You're CHRIS JERICHO, damn it. You're one of the top names in this business, and top talents. We EXPECT great things from you. Would you really want it any other way?” That’s what this all boils down to. Yeah, I’m glad God gifted me with the ability to write better than every single person reading this (excluding the rest of the staff which all puts me to shame), but if He hadn’t I’d still be sending my opinions to the company. Chris, if one of the guys in the company (that DOES read us religiously) shows this to you, take only this out of it: The Internet is not a single entity. A sizeable percentage of us actually know what we’re talking about (and some of us are more “inside” than you’d think). There is almost UNIFORM bashing of the company you work for at the moment, but other than a couple of marks (they don’t even deserve the “s”) you are hailed as one of the shining spots. Why? Because we know the difference between “talent” and “a push”. Don’t take that site seriously… nobody else does. As for the rest of the company, I see your game. And count me in. My suggestion is to make it personal. Go on “Byte This” and bash the fuck out of Torch or Bob or one of the sites best represents the hypocrisy you feel is being laid out. Hell, bash us (please?). By doing so, by making this a legit “war”, you find out one of two things: 1. There are some assholes out there hurting your business. Make no mistake, even if every single person running websites thought exactly the same way, the readers sure as hell don’t. If your argument is valid, you’ll know within minutes. A sizeable chunk of the people watching have WWE.com as the only wrestling site they go to, so as if you re-iterate the net negativity to them it’s THEIR opinion that matters. And if one site is vilified, the p-boy nature of websites is to separate themselves ASAP. If that’s how the tide turns, you’ll have every dateless wonder in cyberland kissing your ass again by SummerSlam (well, not us… but then we never gave a fuck about anyone else good times or bad). 2. When you do so, if presented fairly, you’re going to see we’re not a bunch of guys bashing your company between loads of cyberporn (well, not JUST that). We are WRESTLING FANS! Stop looking at us as your enemy and look at us as the fans who are trying to offer ways to restore the product to its greatness rather than just deserting it. Dudes, I’ll show you our fucking hit count. If you honestly think that every single site on this planet combined ever had anything resembling the number of people reading that have stopped watching your sub-par product this year, then you’re giving the entire medium WAY more power than it really has. Right now, whether anyone getting paid for this wants to believe it or not, we’re all on the same team. Jericho, WWE… all that “the internet” wants is something we can proudly be fans of. Make us the “bad guys” at your own peril, because if there’s anything we like MORE than wrestling… it’s getting to be “heels”. And when that happens: Well, let’s just say if you think we’re bad for business NOW… Barbwire Mike Now I’m off to toast the most homicidal, genocidal, suicidal cat this world ever knew |