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 When Vince says "never say never" in this business, he ain't just whistling "Dixie" brother. A couple of site announcements before we get going. THE NEW LETHAL FORUM IS UP! Just follow the menu button to take you right there. Please don’t confuse this forum with TRL/LETHAL INJECTION, which may forever be where I’ll be hanging out, but is a separate entity and also is fully functional (minus certain hours they'll be going down for maintenance in the early days). And if neither “home of the assholes” is your cup of tea, the Lethal Team invites you to become very acquainted with the forums at A BROKEN CRATE, PHANTASMO, and LIMITED EDITION. We love them all. In the grand tradition of BwM, Hooper, and Chris Douvalas (Sherlock too, but I think I have him "Lethal Exclusive" now)... Lethal is proud to announce the hiring of ANOTHER writer from THE RING POST who will be pulling "double duty". If you haven't read "Roughkut" since his days at Random then you have no idea what a funny and insightful writer he's turned into. Thankfully… you will very soon. Please make him feel welcome (unless he posts total crap, then feel free to massacre him. "I'm tired of not getting feedback" is a two-way street, buddy boy). As long as he doesn't pull a Tyrant (suddenly unable to write like he's capable of with the spotlight on), you guys are going to really like what he brings to the site (he was also the very first person on the old "TSC" forum to ever acknowledge my existence, so it's not like he's a spring chicken in our little world). Welcome to the bigs, dude. The banner comes from Sabotage. I worry about that boy sometimes. Still… thanks a mil, bro. You’re definitely part of the team. Short and sweet, just like your mom's description of your genitals. Now let's talk wre... er... let's talk Bizzaro World. I... I don't know what to say. Let's just let the company tell you the "good news" themselves. From WWE.com: Vince Russo returns World Wrestling Entertainment welcomes back Vince Russo to the creative writing team. In other news: -Exxon has rehired Captain Hazelwood to helm the "Valdez 2". -The Cincinnati Reds have secured the services of Marge Schott to head the PR Department. -Vince McMahon has brought Kevin Nash back t... oh, wait. -Enron again has Arthur Anderson on retainer. For the last however many months my collegues and I have tried, in as polite a tone as humanly possible, to point out the flaws in the company. Rather than being looked upon with an INKLING of the respect we deserve for it, WWE has gone out of their way to villify and humiliate us, suggesting that as "outsiders" we don't know the realities of running a business and that the dramatic downswing in popularity over the last year is little more than the cyclical nature of fans to leave and then come back. Jim Ross went so far as to admit they weren't "clicking" with the fans anymore, and even at that point managed to work in a snipe at the 'net... ...and then they REHIRE VINCE RUSSO!! Congrats, guys. You sure showed us. How much does it cost to order this Jarrett shit again? Seriously, since Russo has fallen from the limelight his name only gets brought up for two reasons; when an angle is so bad that the punchline is "did they bring back Russo to book this shit?"or when we're down in the dumps about how wretched the product is and try to put a silver lining on it by saying "at least they haven't re-hired Russo". As recently as 48 hours ago I sat at this very computer and suggested that WWE make sure they don't fall into the trappings of relying on the "swerve" too much, since VR had already demonstrated to the world that's as good a way to kill a company as putting the Title on David Arquette. Yes, Vince never would’ve been hired at WCW if he didn’t have value as a creative entity, but he’s a living joke now… and WWE has already hired too goddamned many of those this year. And now he's back. If Stacy Keibler thought having to tongue-kiss McMahon was disgusting, wait until she and Mark Henry become the proud parents of a rubber foot. Unless you're a conspiracy buff (we'll get to that in a minute), then there is absolutely no argument for giving this guy power in a major wrestling company again. Meltzer has already touched on it, but what this does is show how unbelievably desparate and impatient they are getting with turning things around. The recent influx of old stars and wild storylines should serve as proof that there's absolutely NO quick solution to the rut they are in. But rather than start taking the baby steps towards a profitable future (or ANY future for that matter), they're panicking every third week and starting from scratch. WWE's problems are not going to be solved by throwing money at them, and when that money is being thrown at people with proven track records for destroying established companies... ...then we as fans need to start asking ourselves "why?" I'm not saying that EITHER of these are anything more than uncorroberatable rumors right out of "WWE/X-Files Erotic Fiction". But while these "theories" have no basis in fact, I DARE you to tell me there are no facts to support either of them: Theory #1- "Operation Enduring WWF" The year is 1996. The first double agent that Vince "inserted" into WCW has now had a couple of years to wreak havoc on the office. Ludicrous contract demands, "creative control", setting own hours... the works. Now it's time for phase 2, which involves sending a slew of "disgruntled" employees down there (and the big deal that WCW made about getting losers like Bryan Adams proves that they would happily take ANYONE that had worked a PPV opening match for Titan). Vince takes his biggest troublemakers and says "go do your worst". Kevin Nash, Scott Hall, Curt Henning... you know the history. And then when they're on their knees not only unleash your biggest bomb, but do so in a way that they THINK THEY'VE STOLEN IT FROM YOU, rather than just positioning it right where you wanted it. Promise everyone that they will be rewarded for their sabotage once enough time has passed for the big ruse to slip unnoticed past the history books, and everything is simply remembered as "WWF BURIED WCW". PROBLEMS WITH THIS THEORY: It doesn't explain why all these pieces of shit are back on TV in 2002, and it requires the great leap into fantasy to think that a company currently unable to stick to any plan for a single month has the patience to pull off a gimmick that takes nearly a decade to play out. So with that all but an impossibility, we are left with ANOTHER option: Theory #2: "WWE Scorched Earth" Whatever happened, Vince finally has had enough. It may have been when the problems first started with Stone Cold, or once the fun went out of things without WCW to kick around anymore. For that matter he may have gotten disillusioned with the entire world after the XFL and World Wildlife Fund disasters. OR perhaps he finally realized that his entire existence was being wasted keeping undeserving scum like you entertained. Regardless of the reason, Mr. McMahon has finally come to the conclusion that it's just not worth it anymore. Not knowing how to bow out gracefully, he figures the best way to do it is to barrage the fans with incident after incident of trying to become all the things they used to mock. Hire workers who not only "don't have it" anymore, but who can destroy the morale of even the healthiest locker room. Alienate fan after fan by taking the belt off his best all-around performers to give a couple of "has beens" who can literally stop time in the ring "one last run" and focus all his PPV energy around them. Drive away one of the two people most responsible for establishing the current fan base, and "pacify" fans with the other even though everyone knows the time he's able to dedicate to them is less than minimal. And finally, make sure that everyone understands that the biggest star in the company is not a wrestler, but the 55-year old owner and whichever member of his "still less annoying than the Ozbournes" family he decides to push that day. After all that, the only thing left to do is grab a fiddle and do his impersonation of Nero with crazy facial expressions. PROBLEMS WITH THIS THEORY: I'm scared shitless at how difficult it is to come up with any. Again... I'm not saying either of those are anything more than speculative ramblings, but someone toss out a more logical reason for bringing back Mr. NEW YORK, BABY!! Please tell me this TNA horseshit has a Chinaman's chance of succeeding. RUSSO??? Give me a fucking break. If there IS an upside, it's that “piece of shit” Hogan HAS to be pissed right now. Barbwire Mike YAY! I missed every single thing in wrestling being a "shoot" |