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 Un-FUCKING-believable. Only a couple of reeeeeally quick shills today. First off, THE RING POST has the grand return of Ginger, another LOL classic by Bryan Jones, and Saruchizu suggesting a home for the WWE after we set it on fire and leave it outside the gates of America. Plus, hopefully we’ll see Jonny X’s new recap soon which should be quite interesting to say the least. And today’s banner is the first in a series from the almighty “porn baron” UNCLE ZEKE of LETHAL INJECTION’S forum. I assure everyone that if only registered TRL users were allowed to vote, Zeke would be our next president. Thanks SOOOOO much, homebooooyieeee! Plenty more coming, too. Time to “hop” to it… let’s talk (about human vacuums that can suck all the life out of anything good concerning) wrestling. Where is the funny hat? I just acheived "Kreskin"status: "What's the over/under on Nash being injured again by match's end?" (IRC chat, approximately 10:40 p.m. last night) For the last three months, Kevin Nash has been sidelined with a shoulder injury (if you remember correctly, it happened while he was trying to kick somebody). For the bargain rate of only one million dollars a year, they had gotten all of about three minutes of ring work out of him. Last night, after months of rehabbing from surgery that most other wrestlers would have worked through, he finally made his triumphant return to the squared circle... ...TWELVE SECONDS of ring work later and he's probably shelved again for the next four to six months. I don’t know whether to be furious or run naked through the street handing out roses and crack. There is a major difference between not liking a wrestler (or his/her character) and actually delighting in a life or career threatening injury to that person. While I haven’t really said anything about it, there was a level of discomfort reading some of the things on here about Bret Hart recently that bordered on personal disgust (not to say some of it wasn’t funnier than hell). I’ll never ban content on here as long as it follows the basic “wrestling content only” rule, but some things were most definitely on the other side of my own “taste” line. Yeah, he whined… that’s a reason to laugh about possible permanent paralysis? Yet even after saying that, some of you are still expecting me to bust out in hysterics about “Big Shitty” and throw confetti in the air while drinking Jello shooters… … …AND YOU’D BE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! *chuckle* *snort* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Jesus Christ this is funny on more levels than faggot French people think a Jerry Lewis flick is. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, my God… stop, my sides are hurting. HAHAHAHA!! Serious, I can’t breathe over here. Oh… man…. that was fun. Now lets fend off some charges of hypocrisy. There has never, and I mean NEVER, been anyone in wrestling who has flaunted their complete lack of respect for the industry, its workers, and the fans like Kevin has. He has single-handedly set records in the number of ways one person can bring down the overall product; whether by being a political dickhead behind the scenes, a less mobile version of Frankenstein’s monster in the ring, or totally changing the script and ruining other worker’s spots on the microphone. While we can’t blame (only) Nash for killing WCW, his fingerprints are somewhere on most of the incidents that did. He not only has no respect for anything in the business except himself, but his public boasting of it makes every single person in that locker room appear guilty by association. That’s not just bad for business, but when the guy you are working with is trusting his very future to your ability to not drop him on his head, it’s downright dangerous. And now, his “professionalism” has finally come back to bite him in his ass. TOO SWEEEEET! Three cheers for karma. Over the next few weeks you’re going to see all kinds of spin put on this, and how it was an “unavoidable freak occurrence” or something. It wouldn’t even surprise me if Booker is somehow considered partially responsible, or that it was the result of “over-exerting himself trying to get into peak wrestling form” (granted, it’d take a nutsack a lot bigger than a pair of grapefruits to try and pass that one off with a straight face). But you will NEVER be able to convince me that this injury is the result of anything other than a guy who spent the last three months getting paid not to work unwilling to use a minute of that recovery time to stay loose. No doctor can ever show me enough x-rays to make me admit this had nothing to do with Nash being too goddamned lazy to take ten minutes to stretch out before going out there (which anyone planning to do any more than walk around the block should probably do… although I’m sure he wasn’t expecting to work up enough of a sweat to deem it necessary). I’ve even seen the writer blamed today, because Nash wasn’t supposed to return to the ring until Friday. Yeah, how DARE he suggest a worker who has been medically cleared to wrestle should have to actually put on tights and wrestle a match where 9 other people do most of the work? I bet every lawyer in America is on Kev’s answering machine telling him what a “can’t lose” lawsuit he’s got there.*rolls eyes* At this point, my mind drifts back. Vince is in the ring setting up the nWo angle, and of all the directions he could have gone, he chooses to brag “I am bringing them in to destroy what I have created”. Well, if he meant it then GOOD JOB VINNIE!! CONSIDER THIS YOUR GREATEST SUCCESS!! But if he didn’t, and he was just trying to beat the rest of us to the punch on the “Involuntary Companyslaughter” charges he knew the hiring would bring from the smarks, then I’d like to be the first to say “Vince, would you like a chocolate-covered pretzel”? Let’s break it down and see what $3 million buys in today’s market: Scott Hall: Two PPV matches, bad international press, upset locker room, egg on face for company when the inevitable release finally came. Kevin Nash: Negligible amount of ring time, two substandard promos, no comedy, not only upset locker room but also managed to put mid-carder X-Pac in a position to do the same, and of course last night… which goes into the “All Time” file next to Bill Watts saying the word “nigger” to anyone that got within 20 feet of him. Hulk Hogan: Parlayed one moment of Canadian mark stupidity into a tile run that IMMEDIATELY devalued the title forever. Chased away fans that used to watch WWF because they were the ALTERNATIVE to “Hulkamania” by the millions. And the scary part is that of the three, he was the best value BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS! Conclusion: That money would’ve been better spent paying Tommy Dreamer 3 mil to eat the 10 largest items that Pat Patterson can fit into his rectum. The entertainment value would have been EXPONENTIALLY higher than what we got instead. (Editor's note: This was written before seeing that Snoopy did a very similar list. I don't have time tonight to change it around just to avoid the appearance of impropriety. So accept the fact I'm a total hack and move on.) One more thing about all this: Meltzer often talks about a quirk in certain wrestlers and fans, who have seen so many swerves and political office games that they begin to think that EVERYTHING is a “work”. While no one has been able to come up with a single reason that having Nash get injured so quickly would be the start of a storyline that could possibly make any sense, at least last night I could sympathize with the belief. But if you are still singing that song today it’s time to turn off your computer, leave the house and frolic in the fields of reality for a few hours. I don’t give a fuck how much “realism” they are shooting for, the world’s pre-eminent Orthopedic Surgeon doesn’t take a day off to advance a wrestling angle. LOOK OUTSIDE THE BOX, PEOPLE!! The saddest thing is that six months from now, assuming there’s still a WWE (which isn’t the “sure thing” it was when 2002 began) I’ll probably be bitching AGAIN that he’s about to make his return. If that happens, even if we corner the market and have every single wrestling fan reading it won’t matter… because six readers does not a hit count make. To close: WAY TO GO, BOOKER!! If I have a vote, I say go for Albert’s quad next. Barbwire Mike Nash hater 4LIFE |