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 If you don't want to know who the new GM is, don't read this until Thursday night (which you may want to do anyway since I'm out of here for the weekend... but at LEAST scope the ads first). Sixteen hour drive starting at 4 a.m. tomorrow morning. I'd demand it be worth it but I've never been more sure that's going to be the case. LAST CALL, JUGGALOS! To make sure I didn't leave my legions of (ok... 18) fans high and dry in my absence, in addition to this there's also a BRAND NEW LOW BLOW dealing with the "brilliant" decision to hire Eric. You can read that at WRESTLING OUTLAWS or at THE RING POST, where it sits above some sweet new Twitmare and the latest from all-star Ginger. And if you missed part two of WWF DUMB ENOUGH, SBA and Cobb now have the first of the video clips up (you may have to do some scrolling down). LEGENDARY, I tell you. And it only gets better. Be sure to thank them in TRL (which, in case you're dumber than a box of rocks, is NOT OUR FORUM ANYMORE!) Also, don't forget a lion's share of the credit goes to everyone's buddy Sabotage, who also is doing the "Byte This" recaps for Wrestling Observer which is a pretty nice gig (you can find the link in FIST FARKING ). For the last time until at least next Wednesday... let's talk wrestling. This time yesterday I was lamenting the fact that the WWE had made a decision so lame-brained the nWo hiring seemed downright brilliant by comparison. Thankfully, I didn't ruin my credibility by saying "at least it can't get any worse". Today, every single wrestling fan has to look themselves in the mirror and ask if it's worth it to continue to support a company who has become so detached from what the fans want that they've created completely new roles to give TV time to two of the most universally hated characters in the history of this business. Eric Bischoff and Stephanie McMahon. Suddenly an annoying bearded goof saying "New York baby" for heel heat seems like one step below nirvana, as it's not in the same hemisphere of annoyance as "I LOVE you guys" or the sound a rabbit makes when being skinned alive. WHY? WHY? WHY? Is this punishment? Did we bitch so much about the crap we were being served up that the WWE feels the need to prove to us we were being too picky? Vince make a wager with one of his richie buddies he could turn the company into a bigger failure than the XFL? Did he sell so many shares of stock that he's now in a "Producers" situation, where if the company makes money he'll go to jail for fraud? Was the whole creative team lobotomized? Hell, maybe it was balance. You know, the RAW guys were so pissed at the Eric hiring they demanded Smackdown have someone equally horrid. Regardless, we are now stuck not only with Bitchoff but "Shrills" McMahon. I'm sure they're both perfect for the role, as long as the job description reads like this: Wanted: General Manager for major sports entertainment company. Applicants must have negligible acting ability, a rich daddy (or sugar daddy) to finance them, and be disliked by fans and co-workers alike. Past experience destroying a wrestling company a plus.Seriously, I've already gone off on Uncle Eric (SEE?) so no reason to double up, but Stephanie is a whole other bitchfest. The ONLY reason that even resembles "justifiable" for her hiring is the fact she's got the McMahon name, but that's invalidated by the fact that her brother would have been an infinitely better choice for either GM spot. Other than her namesake, here's what Steph brings to the table: -Acting abilities that make the "Tough Enough" kids look like the travelling cast of Shakespeare in the Park. -A voice that causes viewers to start running their nails down a chalkboard in hopes of drowning out. -The almost unique ability to get so lost in a promo that the entire angle has to be changed on the spot. -A penchant for taking whoever happens to be most over at the moment and making them her underling, killing their heat faster than a program with Rikishi. -An obviously high level of jealously for the Divas prettier than her (in other words, "a high level of jealousy for the Divas"). -Ever-building distain among the staff who not only can't stand her, but are now assuming everything that comes out of her husband's mouth is second-hand bitching from her. Of course, she does have one strong suit... she often falls out of her dress and gives us a really pathetic cheap thrill with ass and/or boobies at least once a month. Only problem is that she's NOT ON LIVE TELEVISION ANYMORE SO THAT'S GOING TO BE EDITED OUT WHENEVER IT HAPPENS!! Meanwhile, Paul Heyman is managing Brock Lesner. *sigh* Is it us? Is everything that has happened since 'Mania a grand scheme to chase away the dreaded "smarks" who read too much into everything and bitch at a moment's notice? Certainly things like hiring Nash, Russo, and Bischoff; putting the world title first on Hogan than the Undertaker, driving Austin out of the company, getting one of the only guys most of us like to yell at us, and putting Stephanie back on television seem to all be calculated steps in that direction. Would the company be happier if Tommy Fierro was the only person on the internet who still watched? There's flawed logic in that, however (much like in every single move they've made since the Invasion). EVERYONE is a smark now. A few years ago the argument could have been made that dirt sheets and 'net sites were exposing the sides of the business no one was ever meant to see. But today THEY EXPOSE IT AS MUCH AS ANYONE ELSE! Their own magazines break kayfabe, and they even have a whole show dedicated to it now (of course, it's hosted by the most notorious "fountain of misinformation" this side of Hogan). There are no "Stossel" incidents to keep the business protected, because everyone is in on the joke. So if that's the plan, there isn't any way to target specific groups... they'd have to chase the whole audience away (and a damn fine job they seem to be doing of it, too). But that doesn't change the fact there HAS to be some underlying reason for all the crap we've been subjected to recently. A company with as many creative entities as the WWE has does not go from being consistently entertaining for four straight years to making idiotic move after idiotic move by accident. The suggestion that the company is being purposely destroyed can no longer be laughed at out of hand... SOMETHING is going on here. And if we are the overall reason, then Vince is the world's biggest dick for wasting the attributes of the most talent-heavy staff in the history of the business when they could be performing for promoters that want to showcase their abilities in front of people that will never stop being entertained by it. My plea to the puppetmasters: If you want to kill the company, just fucking do it. Accept the fact the business will always be bigger than a single group, close up shop, and let nature take its course in regards to how it survives without you. Pissing in the face of everyone who has ever supported you, workers and fans alike, well... that's just wrong. OR... you could just stop sucking. Is it really that hard? Eric and Stephanie? Jesus fucking Christ. Barbwire Mike What is a juggalo? A Hulkamaniac He powerbombs motherfuckers into thumbtacks People like him till They find out he's unstable He Sabu'd your momma through a coffee table What is a juggalo? A juggalo That's what it is Well, fuck, if I know What is a juggalo? I don't know But I'm down with the clown And I'm down for life, yo |