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 And that's the bottom line, because... um... shit, how does the rest of that go? Is our new look the shizzy or what? MMN is the MAN (yeah, he still works here... just a little too disgusted with the overall product right now to get inspired to write about it). In addition to our pretty new digs, there's also one other change to Lethal. AT LEAST FOR NOW we have waived the "approval" mode of SHOOTING STAR PRESS, our infamous forum. You want to sign up, do so and you're instantly approved. Don't know how long this is going to last, and this doesn't mean the rules of the place have been dropped (so you can still be banned in a heartbeat), but right now the slate is clean. Come in and tell us how much you love us, comment on anything you want about wrestling. And play around in our other forums as well (discuss news, movies, other websites, Buffy... whatever). And it's our priviledge to have the one and only TRIPLE H answering your questions about him, the industry, and anything else you'd like to ask. Good times abound, people... come see why. Also, sorry we’re running slow right now. Server problems. Should be fixed up soon enough. There's all kinds of new stuff at THE RING POST as well. Including new Jones, Annie, Tony, and a rare appearance from our HNIC YEAHGRMSTER! Of course tomorrow means new MONDAY NIGHT SUCKS, and as the year draws to a close you'll be privvy to the long awaited "Year in Review" by Tom Zenk, and the FOURTH ANNUAL LOW BLOW YEAR END AWARDS!! And many thanks for the awesome feedback from IRV MUCHNICK and Skeet Slander and Mistress Syn of ESW. Anything I can do to spread the word, friends. Let's talk wrestling. It's been awhile since I did one of those "Barbed Fuzzy History" pieces (past ones have included New Jack, Chris Jericho, Chris Adams, Mick Foley and... um... others I can't remember offhand. This isn't called "fuzzy history" for nothing). I'm doing this one because a) it seems to be all but etched in stone he'll be making a return to the ring very soon, and b) I'm bored absolutely shitless at work today. There are very few people who can say that they singlehandedly changed the entire landscape of the business. You got your Lou Thesz, you got your Hulk Hogan, and you have today's topic: the man who took 15 years of the world's biggest wrestling company re-inventing itself as childrens' programming and turned it on its ass. There are two different Vinces who will tell you they were the ones responsible for bringing "attitude" to wrestling, but anyone who watched during that era knows that there's really only one man who can honestly make that claim. The man who forever dulled the line between "face" and "heel", and gave wrestling bigger mainstream success and recognition than it had ever known. You all know by now that I'm talking about "Stone Cold" Steve Austin. Austin has always had a special place in my heart, because I've been following his career literally from day one. Why? Because he was trained and given his first exposure by one of my all-time favorite wrestlers; the FIRST master of the superkick "Gentleman" Chris Adams (RIP). Wasn't able to watch much of it, since I didn't live in Texas and by the time he got going ESPN had all but ditched World Class Wrestling in favor of Joe Pedicino's "Global". But I was literally buying the Apter mags RELIGIOUSLY specifically to follow what, years before they became the norm, was one of the first "shoot feuds". Adams was going through a very messy divorce at the time, but rather than keep it private the company made Chris's ex the manager of his protogee, and it set off a super-violent feud that became all the more "real" when Steve and Jeannie turned it into a real-life romance that wound up with the two of them married (certainly not the only time it's happened in wrestling... ask Kevin Sullivan). But it wasn't just the interesting side-story that made people first take notice of "Stunning" Steve, the guy had all kinds of natural ability. Those who saw him knew immediately... this guy was going places. From there, Austin began a very lengthy run in WCW. He was always a very capable wrestler with a cool look (hella long, flowing hair), but for whatever reason was pretty much relegated to the mid-card (I always assumed his Texas background had something to do with it. Aint like Triple H invented the glass ceiling or anything, and Austin and Flair have heat that goes waaaaay back). Sure, he won the TV title a few times, but was never really given much in terms of a real push until almost by happenstance he was put into a tag team that wrestling purists and studied fans will never forget: "The Hollywood Blondes". The natural smarmimess of Austin was the perfect foil for the freshly-turned Brian Pillman, and in a company loaded with legendary teams such as the Midnight Express, the Horsemen, and loads more they totally stood out as the cream of the crop. You'd have to have lived it to know why... they were an awful lot of fun to watch. Sadly, Austin suffered a devestating injury and by the time he returned they had gone in a different direction. Steve will be the first to tell you that politics played a major role in the decision to pretty much bury him after that (there's a legendary promo in ECW where he does impersonations of Dusty, Flair, and Bischoff that sums it all up... sent chills down my spine the first time I heard it). Eventually, Eric Bischoff made one of the all-time dunderheaded decisions in the history of the sport, and basically fired Austin by fax, suggesting that there was really no place in professional wrestling for him. And the "attitude" that would make him the top merchandise figure of the late 90s was born that very day. I'll never forget the day he showed up in ECW. Public Enemy and all the other stars are having a free-for-all brawl that spills into the back. Action happening so fast the camera can barely keep up with it, and suddendly Rocco stops in his tracks as the man dressed completely in yellow starts flexing in front of him. "STEVOMANIA!! OH MY GOD IT'S STEVOMANIA!!" Steve is in total Hogan-mode, talking about saying prayers and eating vitamins so they can make it just like all the Stevomaniacs. Then, just when you think he's really adopted this as his gimmick he throws off the headband and gets totally indignant, saying "there's no way this lame shit will fly... even in ECW." Steve's time in the company was short but very memorable. Whether it was cracking on Woman for "marrying a midget", doing impersonations of all kinds of WCW stars (the Mongo one is fucking hilarious), or ridiculing stars of the company like Mikey Whipwreck... "Superstar" Steve Austin was as over as anyone in that company could hope to be. But while he was entertaining, what's most unforgettable about his stint is just how goddamned hardcore he was able to be. ECW had matches every single week that made you wonder how the performers were able to walk away from, but in terms of pure brutality the Austin attacks on Sandman stand out as much as anything I ever remember. The ladder shots were off the scope, and the bottle-breaking is considered as hardcore as anything that company ever did. Sure, he was never really pretty to watch... but the Sandman from before Austin showed up is very different from the one after he left. Steve did legit serious damage to that drunkard (and then stole the most recognizable part of his gimmick... heh). Didn't take long for Vince to come calling, and soon he was in back in the major leagues. But to say he came right in and knocked the world on its ass would be a dramatic misrepresentation of history. He debuted under the auspicious moniker of "The Ringmaster", managed by Ted Dibiase. What a waste. Long-time fans just sat there awestruck at what a glorious misuse of talent this was, and Austin was none too thrilled with it either. He went to McMahon with an idea based on a serial killer special on HBO, and told him he wanted to be “Ice Cold” (one of the more famous backstage stories is of Vince totally missing the point, sending him a page with all kinds of eskimo gimmicks). Eventually he got his point across and started his new bad-ass character, culminating in a match at "King of the Ring" where his lip was split wide open, and after getting it sewn back together going out and destroying "born again" crackhead Jake Roberts in the finals. Austin ended the show berating Jake's "conversion". "You talk about your prayers, you talk about your 3:16... well Austin 3:16 say "I just whupped your ass". And with that line, the era of "safe" wrestling programming died, and Stone Cold was on the path to becoming the biggest thing the sport had ever seen. The effect was immediate. By the next night "Austin 3:16" signs were all over the arena. A superstar was born, and once it started rolling there wasn't anything that was going to stop it. After several successful feuds (including the memorable one with Pillman resulting in the “f-bomb” being dropped on TV and the company getting tons of publicity), he was put into a program with Bret Hart, and in one of the more daring moves of either of their careers the decision was made to do something that had never been done before, a "double turn". Austin went into the match as the heel, but by refusing to submit to the Sharpshooter and instead passing out from the pain was branded such a man you couldn't really hate him, since he broke all stereotypes of "cowardly bad guy" (meanwhile Hart attacking him after he was helpless cemented his new role). With it being “ok” to cheer for Austin, he quickly became the most popular figure in the federation at least since the “glory days” (ug!) of Hogan, leading to both his his first title reign and inarguably the biggest feud of his career, that with company owner Vince McMahon… after a dramatic return from a broken neck at the hands of Owen Hart. If I went story by story through the things he did to Vince it would take a book, so let’s just mention a few of them: Made him bleed (historic since McMahon had once called for a worldwide ban on the “barbaric practice”), hit him with a Zamboni, held a fake gun to his head and made him piss himself, sodomized him with a caltheter, bought the company from his wife, and drenched him with a beer truck. Man, those were good times. This was also the period that brought us “The Rattlesnake” belt, Mike Tyson, and the alliance between the two to “save” Vince’s daughter from Undertaker… until McMahon wound up revealing himself as the mastermind behind it all. And there was so much more. The feud with Rock that pretty much made him into the star he is today, the refusal to work a program with Jarrett turning him into the pariah he is today… and then at the height of his run, he suffered a terrible knee injury that sidelined him for a year, with the storyline being that Triple H was responsible… starting Trips on the run towards becoming the ass he is today. When Austin came back the landscape of the business had changed, and the decision was made to turn him heel once again. Problem was that while it resulted in a few entertaining spots (mainly with McMahon and Kurt Angle), there didn’t seem to be any long-range plans as to what to do with him. Soon he was strictly used for comedy, with “What?” going from being a bad-ass bullying tactic to just another catchphrase. Whether or not a certain other world champion was in his ear or not, Vince made the conscious decision to not make Steve the future of the company. Far worse, he brought in the nWo and was burying Austin under them. One day, Steve Austin decided he’d had enough… and just went home. At first the WWE went on a smear campaign against Steve (See?), then decided the best course of action was to just say nothing. I guess the hope was that either they’d survive without him or he’d come crawling back and they could use him in the same way they’d seen fit to over the last however long the daughter’s been spreading her legs for the “real” star of the company. After all, this is the biggest wrestling group in the world. FAR bigger than any one wrestler… right? “NEH EH!” Austin isn’t coming back because he needs wrestling, and proved that in his time off. He’s coming back because without him fans have deserted the WWE in record-setting numbers. He’s one of only two people in the biz that can legitimately be called “media darlings”, someone who mainstream magazines can put on their covers and know will be bought by people other than hardcore wrestling fans… and the other one is too busy making movies to appear for more than a couple of months a year. He’s someone that people channel-surfing will stop for (as opposed to one who actually causes the channel-surfing). He is the only true legitimate icon of the last decade, which is something Vince BETTER not forget again… because quite honestly, Stone Cold is his last hope. And THAT’S the bottom line. Barbwire Mike If you can’t wait to see Stone Cold back gimme a ‘Hell Yeah!’ |