|
|
 Nothing much happening today, but I feel like writing (that is to say, "I don't feel like working"). So let's waste some time together. Today’s banner comes to us from national treasure Uncle Zeke at LETHAL INJECTION! If you can’t hang, stay out of our trailer park. Just a few things to shill today. THE RING POST is kicking on all cylinders, along with Low Blow's other home WRESTLING OUTLAWS (brand new Vince Russo interview up. Sadly my question wasn't asked: "How does it feel to have your last WWE run make Scott Hall's look like he'd acheived tenure?"). Both are overloaded with creamy goodness, and in need of your bookmark. I'm sure they don't really need hits from us, but if our Gathering post didn't cover everything you wanted to know, INSANE CLOWN POSSE's site has a 20-page review of the festivities written by Violent J himself. I'd try and claim we are able to hang with this one, but since neither Maddy nor I fucked Missy Hyatt he's able to cover bases we didn't. Oh yeah, and he's Jeebus. WICKED CLOWNS WILL NEVER DIE!! Speaking of sites that don't need hits from us, there's a BRILLIANT new (well, Saturday) piece by Blake Norton at 411 on all the heat Triple H has been heaping on himself recently. Seriously... I NEVER shill mainstream wrestling columns, but I'm pretty sure you're going to dig this one. That's more than I can say about the drek coming up below the line today. LET'S TALK WRESTLING!! Every now and again, I suffer from brain freeze and can’t get a full post’s worth of jokes out of a single topic, so I split it into two different ones. Other times I can’t get a post’s worth of jokes out of two topics… and then you suffer unmercifully through crap like you’re about to read… WWE "RIB" For those of you who didn't hear it, last night after RAW the company did something we haven't seen much of since the product "cooled off"... they had fun. With all the stories we've heard about morale being down and everyone trying to stab each other in the back and finger-pointing, this is perhaps one of the most encouraging stories I've heard in months. In so many words, what happened was Undertaker said the crowd was here to see a "spinerooni", and in jest T suggested that what they REALLY wanted to see was a "Taker-rooni". Now Taker may be a lot of things, but he's not an idiot. He knows his limitations, and that there was no way he would come out of such an attempt with anything but egg on his face. He politely declined, saying that would be "gimmick infringement". And then things got cool. Rock comes out and starts riding UT, cutting an entire promo and using his whole catalog of catch-phrases in the process. As Taker starts to realize he's getting a hole dug for him here, Triple H follows, saying he's getting sick of watching in the back to see if we're going to get a Takerrooni and wanted to speed up the process. This is followed by VINCE, who does him one better and states that if Taker will do one, so will he. AND HE DOES IT, as Hunter calls him "the whitest man in history". Poor Taker must've been shitting bricks the rest of the night. "So what?" you say. "Why does something that didn't even happen with the cameras rolling and isn't meant to be seen outside of a single arena such a positive sign for the company? Are they bribing you to say good things about them? And if so, can I borrow $20 until Friday?" Answering the last question first: "No, you goddamned mooch". Now, onto why this has me happy (besides the fact UT was the victim here, which you know is enough to put it over in my book). Ever since the company lost competition, they have been victims of predictability. For all the talk of bad writing, lost storylines, and unhappy workers (and production flaws, missed spots, the return of the glass ceiling, forced pushes, and so on and so forth…) what has hurt the company as much as anything is that they've had too much control of the market. Back when there was a WCW and an ECW, there was competition that could suddenly render an angle or feud "passé" by doing a better variation on it before it could play out. This required sometimes having to change the formula in mid-stream, and that uncertainty and how it was dealt with was one of the things that made them so damn cool. But since gaining a monopoly there's been no more of that. The tiniest details of an angle are now set in stone, and while that's pretty much every promoter’s dream, in reality what it does is reduce the level of "reality" that comes across even further. There is no more spontaneity, just a company full of people going through the motions. Hopefully, last night served as a reminder to every character out there (for the most part the angle was made up of the people who most need to be re-educated) that while "booking on the fly" isn't always the answer, sometimes you have to take the script and throw it right out the window (especially when the writing team is being criticized week in and week out anyway). Understand the difference here... if a few people are having fun with their role and others are miserable with theirs, it's never going to work (i.e. WCW). But when EVERYONE is getting a kick out of what's going on, that translates into very entertaining wrestling. Show something like that ON camera... and it WILL pay dividends. “Yay” to everyone involved. From one "extreme" to the other... XPW FINALLY GETS LICENSE XPW, otherwise known as the Anna Nicole Smith of the wrestling world, now seems poised to wrestle a show in ECW Arena at the end of the month. If that doesn't seem "newsworthy" you, then you obviously haven't followed the story. It all started when Rob Black and co. started advertising a show in Philly, about two years after they really could've capitalized on the heat they had with the #1 local promotion in America at the time. They assembled a few big names, booked a few hot matches, and everything seemed ready to go. Except that when someone asked the Pennsylvania Athletic Commission about this, they responded with "who is XPW?" Now, I don't know if any of you are familiar with how politics works... but when you get on the bad side of someone with power, their defense mechanisms go off like police sirens at a Robert Downey Jr. party. Couple that with the fact that the company in question a) was suddenly receiving national press because of the Messiah incident, and b) is a porn company and it was a given this story was going to become comedic before things settled. While I'm not sure exactly what the original bone of contention was, once the story got out XPW knew they were not going to be able to do this the easy way. So rather than simply grease a few palms... or even more outlandish; try doing things the HONEST way... they decided to try and put one over on the commish. Now either the wrestling company has a home address smack dab in the middle of the LaBrea tar pits, or it goes to "Extreme Associates" and is listed as "adult entertainment", or they were afraid that Heyman still has pull and would recognize the PO Box. Regardless, rather than admit that's who they were, they instead gave their home address as the one for RF Video. If any of you have ever ordered a tape from Rob, you know how much fun he is to deal with. Well, the second Mr. Feinstein found out his little office of VCRs and monitors actually had a company full of porn stars hiding in the closets he hit the roof. After realizing there weren't any and his virginity was still secure, he fired off a letter to the commission stating that he was NOT XPW, and the only thing "extreme" about RF was their tape prices. Onto "plan B", use another company's license. That company was HWA, who up until recently had been in partnership with WWE. As luck would have it, they HAD a license to perform a show that day. To make things MORE interesting, they had gone so far on their website as to suggest they were about to go into business with a new company. Yet, when time came to make everything all nice and legal-like... HWA said "XPW? Never heard of them" to the commission. Well, whatever happened next changed things, because the following day HWA is beaming about the partnership they've entered into with XPW. Don't know what got the squeaky wheel greased, but the smart money suggests either personal favors by the "talent", or a reminder how hard it is to book a show with no thumbs. EDIT: Thanks to reader SouthTown for pointing out this is a completely different HWA so never mind that part. Hey, fuck you... you know how hard it is to pay attention to wrestling news when you're in between Observer subscriptions? I'd say the end result of this is that they FINALLY are legally booked to run the show, but if you paid any attention at all to the last 6 paragraphs you have a pretty good idea that there will be more "turns" in this story before all is said and done. First of which... CZW, who had a spectacular show in the same building last Saturday, is running up the road in Dover the same night... and not only do they have an edge in ticket sales because the crowd has seen what they're capable of, they ALSO haven't been hated by said fans since before the new millenium over bum-rushing an ECW PPV. Stay tuned... this is going to be one for the ages (two MORE sidebars: 1) Messiah had been booked at the CZW show. 2) There was extra security hired last weekend because of rumors XPW might try to start trouble. TOLD YOU this was going to be fun). And to close this chapter... Rob Black is a douchebag. OMG!! HUGE NEWSFLASH!! SPOILERS!!! THE STORY YOU'VE BEEN WAITING YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR!! Nobody likes you... and you could stand to bathe more. (credit 1wrestling) And that's it. Pretty half-assed, but maybe I can jazz it up in post-production. If not, I suggest reading TUS's under this again, since that really is entertaining... Or just eat a bag of Hell. Barbwire Mike Yeah, definitely do the bag of Hell thing |