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THE STEINER CLAUSE AdamTac: give me a good starting line. Jimothy666: 3...2...1....GO! AdamTac: Fucking A, dude. Done. 3...2...1...GO! Disney narrator with soft, soothing voice: Scott Steiner celebrated his Christmas like anyone else...well, sort of. Steiner relaxed on Christmas Eve day, sipping on a cup of hot chocolate while injecting himself with some Anabol 250. As he wrapped his present for Vince McMahon...  ...Scott heard a noise on the roof. He went outside to investigate, and noticed a fat, bearded man in a red suit. "Get off the big, bad, booty daddy's roof, or even on CHRISTMAS EVE, YOU WILL BECOME...MY BITCH!" This frightened the man on the rooftop, and he slipped down the side of the house...  ...and within a second, Steiner found good ol' Saint Nick on the ground. Dead.  "What kind of fat booty daddy would be up on Big Poppa Pump's rooftop?" Steiner botched up his scripted lines as he searched the fat fuck for a wallet. He found no identification, to his avail. However, Steiner did find a card.  "AWW, BITCHES CUNT!" screamed Scottie, as he finished reading the clause. "What's wrong, Scotty?" cried Midajah, from inside the house. "I was just made a bitch by that fat fuck Santa!" Steiner wailed. Steiner was fitted for his suit (which was badly done with terrible cgi animation experts at Disney Studios).  Scott still had a Raw match to wrestle on Christmas Eve, so he went to the arena. However, on his way to the arena, he magically started to put on weight. "Scott, what's happened? We can't put you onto television looking like this! There's only fifteen minutes until you're on!" Vince McMahon cried. "I know the holidays are depressing, but let's see if we can do an angle out of this. Luckily, Gerwitz and the rest of the writers are still working on tonight's show, so we have time." Scott tried to explain about the Santa Clause, and how he had been to the North Pole. However, Vince laughed and explained that everyone can be guilty of having too much egg nog on Christmas Eve. Steiner gorilla pressed McMahon into a snack bar and went to the locker room. "Scott Steiner, your fat ass is F-F-FIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEDDDDDD!!!" screamed Vince McMahon from backstage, as the crowd boo'd through piped sound.  Jim Ross: I can't believe it! GOVERNMENT MULE! SOUPBONES! ERIC BISCHOFF SCREWED KANE! HELLFIRE AND BRIMSTONE! Jerry Lawler: PUPPIES! JR, I'm getting word from the back that Stone Cold Steve Austin was set to show up on live television tonight, after his six month long suspension for walking out last time. For the first time since our ratings began to really SUCK, Stone Cold Steve Austin was going to appear and give us a short boost! But after watching that last segment, he's once again taken his ball and went back home! Not only that, JR, but he bitchslapped Pat Patterson, Linda McMahon, and his parole officer on the way out! Jim Ross: BBQ SAUCE! Steiner knew it was an angle, but still felt dejected. He wanted to wrestle tonight, and was being taken off television in an angle, of all things. What made him angrier, Jeff Jarrett was debuting tonight with Steve Austin, and Steiner was scheduled to go in and give Jarrett a beatdown. Scott thought about it for a second, and waited until the perfect timing. "SLAPNUTS!" screamed Jarrett over the Raw microphone. As people snored in their seats, Steiner ran through the crowd and over the security barrier. Once inside the ring, his fat ass went to work on Jarrett. But he forgot to take off part of his Santa suit...  ...and immediately, security dragged Steiner out of the ring to a deafening roar. Vince, concluding that Scott Steiner finally snapped again from roid rage, yelled at Steiner for wearing the Santa suit. McMahon and Hunter rolled their eyes as Steiner once again explained the clause, but it didn't work. Steiner was sent to Bellevue's psychiatric ward, while HHH went out to the ring to do his spot (which took up the remaining hour and thirty seven minutes).  "I gotta get out of this place and deliver the presents to the shorty freaks of the world!" he exclaimed to Midajah. TO BE CONTINUED... Adam |